The Realities of Marrying a “Mail Order Bride”

For those who are unfamiliar with the process, a mail-order bride is a woman who seeks a husband from another country, usually through an agency that facilitates these connections.

It may seem like an unconventional way to find love, but for many men and women, it can be a life-changing opportunity.

REALITY #1 — THE WOMEN

As someone who has interacted with many women who have taken this route, I noticed three most common types:

• Women who want a better life

They are either looking for a way to support their families or are tired of their poor living conditions back home, and they believe that marrying a foreign man is their ticket out of poverty.

This is particularly true for those who come from countries with limited economic opportunities, like the Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, and other third-world nations.

A lot of women from these parts of the world believe that marrying someone from a wealthier country can offer a chance for financial stability, and many take this opportunity to support their loved ones.

• Women over 45 who are looking for a new adventure in their life

Other women who choose to marry through agencies are looking for a new adventure in life, especially those over the age of 45. Some are seeking a fresh start, while others are simply looking for a way to experience life in a new culture.

Some of these women are often pragmatic and treat the process of finding a husband as they would any other task. They may not be 'in love' with their partners, but they do develop affection for them over time. (Just my observation.)

• Women who just want to find love

And, of course, there are those that are genuinely just seeking love. These are women who did not have much luck finding a partner in their home country. They may either have high standards in men or do not fit the ideal standards of beauty in their home country, so they look for love among foreign men instead.

REALITY #2 — THE MEN

The following list is not exclusive, especially nowadays when the passport bro movement is on the rise. I’ve also noticed in our recent AFA tours, the men’s age seems to drop and the characters of these men become varied and evolved each year. But the three most common types are:

• Men with limited social skills

In my experience, the men who seek mail-order brides are by and large nice enough guys who may not have the best social skills. They are looking for a partner who will love and support them, and many find that in their foreign wives. These men often adore their wives and worship the ground they walk on — which I think creates a strong foundation for a successful relationship. And believe it or not, their success rates in happy marriages are quite high.

• Divorcees

I tried to make sense of it, and here’s my take on explaining the reason behind it:

Divorce can be a traumatic experience and may cause a person to become disillusioned with the dating scene of his own country. Think about it, if a man has had too many negative experiences with women in his own country, he’s going to look for a fresh start with someone from a different culture.

• Traditional-minded men

Lastly, there are those men that have specific preferences when it comes to their partners. A lot of them are looking for a woman who is more traditional or family-oriented, which can be harder to find in their own country. They may feel that women from other cultures are more likely to share their values and be interested in building long-term relationships.

REALITY #3 — MARRIED LIFE

Marriages between two people who come from different cultural backgrounds are called intercultural marriages, and they come with their own set of challenges, the main ones are:

• Immigration hurdles

Immigration can be a complicated and stressful process, especially when you're trying to bring a spouse to the United States. There are a lot of hoops you have to jump through, and it can feel like a never-ending process.

• Language barriers

Most of the women don’t speak English nor do the men speak their wife’s native tongue. And a lot of times, most of them heavily rely on translation apps to communicate.

• Cultural differences

Different customs and traditions = different ways of doing things. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and disagreements.

• Backlash or judgments

The practice of finding a wife through an international marriage agency is still not quite accepted. A lot of people (friends and family included) will express skepticism or disapproval, saying the marriage is purely transactional or that the wife is only with the husband for a green card and money. These derogatory comments can be painful to hear, especially when the couple is genuinely in love with each other.

REALITY #4 — SOME PEOPLE DO GET SCAMMED

It’s often risky. But, risks are involved in any type of relationship. And like everything in life, it’s a matter of asking yourself, “is it worth it?”

You can take precautions to make sure that the person you are marrying is genuine and trustworthy. Agencies that facilitate mail-order marriages often screen their clients to minimize these risks. As long as both parties are honest and committed to making the relationship work, it can be just as successful as a more traditional arranged marriage.

In fact, in many cases, it seems to work out even better. The couples may not have had a chance to completely fall in love before getting married, but they often develop a strong bond over time. They are both committed to making the relationship work, and this dedication can create a deeper level of intimacy that may not be possible in a more casual dating scenario.

Final Thoughts

The reality of marrying a mail-order bride is complex, but it can be a life-changing opportunity for both parties. As someone who is involved in the process, I can attest to the fact that it can be a successful and fulfilling way to find love. As long as both parties are honest and committed, the relationship can be just as strong as any other.

What do you think about this arrangement? I would love to know your thoughts.