The Rays of Joy That Flow Through My Pen

My Dad used to tell me I was going to be a late bloomer in life. As it turns out, he was right. For most of my adult life, I've searched for "that thing" I do that defines me as a person. My husband found his calling, my son and daughter found there's but what is mine?

For years I've felt overshadowed by the enormous task of handling a relationship that continuously made me feel like a nothing. I came to believe my role in life was to be and do whatever this other person wanted me to be.

In a sense, I lost my focus on who I was and what I wanted in life. I tried many avenues of "certified" vocations none of which lasted very long. My family supported me through these endeavors but I realize now, they knew as well as I did, these vocations of mine weren't right for me.

Gradually I felt myself become invisible as I ran through my day like a robot completing every task it was asked to do. Ultimately, my energy and sense of purpose became drained and lost in the process.

It took 34 years to discover what I believe is my true calling and wouldn't you know it? It was under my nose all these years. I've written all my life. Ever since I was a child, I loved to write stories, so why stop now?

These past few months I've set my husband into a tailspin because I've recently made some surprising demands regarding our relationship and what I want to do with my time and what I want from life.

I started writing the book I never thought I would ever right. Yesterday I sent seven more chapters to my editor with just fourteen more to go. I set up my WordPress website by myself. There are still a few tweaks I need to work out but it's up and running. I'm very happy with the way it looks. In 2005 and 2006 I published a few pieces but I feel the need to work hard on establishing an online presence to get my name out there again. Instagram, YouTube and my website are my main sources for social media. Right now I have illustrators working on two children's stories. One will be a book and the other an eBook to add to by website. In other words I chose to dive headlong into the world of writing and remarkably, I haven't floated to the surface gasping for air.

My cover letter, synopsis and outline for my book are complete. I'm still not sure if self-publishing or to go the traditional route are correct for me but I'm prepared to do either one.

Writing brings me great joy. I'm a bit of an introvert and find that I work best alone. Thinking back, maybe I was meant to struggle a bit before I found my true calling. Life works in mysterious ways. Nevertheless, I'm happily up to my neck in a world of imagination and adventure. In all truth, I'm not looking to become a world famous author. I just want to write.

My overshadowed relationship has become somewhat sunnier only because I had the courage to step up, risk feeling vulnerable or shamed for pulling out of our business and expressing my true feelings to my husband about what I want to do for the rest of my life. There was lots of screaming and yelling but the aftermath of our heated conversations soon died down and life is back to normal but set in a different order.

I'm still young enough to take this plunge and I'm incredibly grateful for my husband's support. His help which the revenues of our business have provided, especially when it comes to my mom were a God send.

It's time for me to bloom. If my Dad were listening now, he would probably say, "I told you so!"