The Pear

There is a new Blue-Ray release of the beloved Disney classic "Mary Poppins." Here is a special deleted scene.

Mary Poppins and good-natured chimneysweep Burt, along with the Banks children: Jane and Michael, are taking a stroll in a colorful, whimsical garden.

Burt: what a delightful day for a walk in the park. Maybe later we can go sledding.

Jane: Whatever are you talking about?

Michael: You cannot go sledding in May! Where would you find the snow?

Mary: Children, do you know what happens when you use your imagination? Any dream can come true.

Jane: Oh, Mary, you're so wonderful.

Michael: You're so kind and fun. You're the best.

Burt (starts singing): There's something awfully special about Mary. The prettiest of all the girls.

Mary: Oh honestly.

Burt (still singing): With ruby red lips and extra wide hips. She's the grandest woman in the....

Mary: Wait, wait, wait... what was that?

Burt: oh, um. She's the grandest woman in the world.

Mary: not that part. You said something about my hips?

Burt: Did I? I...don’t rightly recall what I said. (He turns to the kids) that’s the magic of a song. It begins down in your heart.

Mary: They know what a song is. You said, “Ruby red lips and extra wide hips."

Burt: well, I was a... you know; wanting to rhyme the word "lips."

Mary: ships, quips, skips, flips, dips

Michael: Kips, nips, a solar eclipse. So many words can rhyme with...

Mary: put a cork in it, Michael.

Jane: Perhaps if you didn't down so many spoons full of sugar....

Mary: I don’t need diet advice, ya little brat!

Burt: But I said you have ruby red lips.

.

Mary: I know what you said you lamp lighting twit! The lips come from Herod's.

Burt: Well, I didn't think...

Mary: …obviously you didn't think. Goodness Gracious. I can jump into a chalk painting. I can make a hat rack appear from my carpet bag. I own a talking umbrella. But these thunder-thighs cannot be snapped away! I want to wear shorts on my day off. But no! I need mom-jeans!

Burt: Your pear shape makes you womanly. You don’t have to be a fashion icon. Just be yourself.

---Mary gives Burt a death glare---

Burt: um... Jane? Michael? I think it might be best if we button up our mouths for an hour or so.

---After several seconds of silence; Mary clears her throat.

Mary: Burt, I would like a moment with Jane. Why don't you and Michael go play by the pear tree road? Jane and I need a moment of repose in the gazebo.

----Burt tips his hat. He and Michael run off.---

---Mary and Jane head for the gazebo. Jane sits on a bench, followed by Mary. They share a warm smile. Mary speaks in a sing-song voice to Jane.---

Men sometimes are incredibly stupid,

thoughtless, insensitive dolts.

I could extol their character and courage

but instead, here's a list of their many faults.

--She points to Burt and sings---

See that gruff baboon?

Dancing like a loon?

Like all men, he's an infuriating case

He speaks what's on his mind,

regardless of the time,

listeners, occasion or place.

I wish I could just swim

down the muddy Thames

and start over with a new life.

I'd find myself a prince

who wasn’t quite as dense,

and be a rich man's wife.

But now I spend my days

living in a haze;

trying to remain sane and numb;

wondering why on Earth

I'm doing all the work

that is flat out ignored by your mum!

---Burt speaks to Michael by the pear tree grove. They each pluck a pear and take a bite.---

Burt speaks up: Michael, a woman is a lot like a jigsaw puzzle.

---Burt starts singing to Michael---

The picture on the box,

Is supposed to be a fox,

Leaping across a Country stream.

But when the last piece is in place

There's dread upon face

When you thought everything was peaches in cream.

And despite your hard work

You're feeling like a jerk

For something that wasn't even your fault.

Then I remember dear old Dad

Having a pint with the lads

And keeping his opinions of his misses in a vault.

--- In the distance, Mary waves to Burt. He waves back and he and Michael race to the gazebo.----

Mary: Children? Burt? I apologize for being cross.

Jane: Michael and I are sorry for our comments.

Michael: My words were quite unbecoming.

Mary: Very well. Pish posh the matter is complete. Just around the bend there is a hill just perfect for sledding. I will make haste to the crescent to prepare the slopes.

---Burt, Jane and Michael cheer.---

Jan starts singing: Look up ahead; it's dear Mary. The finest nanny I ever saw.

Michael: Her blue eyes are never teary. She’s sunny; never dreary.

Burt: But her hips are swinging like the Bells of St. Paul.

BURT!