The Owlman

Colonel Sebastian Storm, TV’s famous Monster Hunter, adjusted his safari hat and fiddled with his lapel mic. He looked up and flashed a smile—his unnaturally white teeth resembling a promotion for one of the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week shows.

“Are we ready, Joelle?” he asked his camera operator.

“Yeah, boss, but don’t take too long,” she replied from behind the shoulder-mounted rig. “We’re losing our light, and I’ll have to switch to night-mode before too long.”

Storm immediately put on his “TV Face” and started speaking:

“In tonight’s episode of Monster Hunter, we’ve come to a location just north of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, where from mid-November 1966 to mid-December 1967, the so-called Mothman terrorized the community. Terror or no terror, I plan to put this nearly 60-year-old mystery to rest once and for all.”

Joelle stepped back and widened her lens to include a middle-aged couple standing next to Storm.

“Tonight I’m here with Dr. Calvin Holloway and his wife, Dr. Julie Anderson, both college professors and both member of the Kentucky Independent Skeptics Society, or KISS. Welcome to Monster Hunter, professors Holloway and Anderson.”

“Thank you for having us, Colonel Storm,” Calvin Holloway said.

“Can you tell our viewers why we’re standing in a nature preserve on such a chilly Noember night?” Storm asked.

“We want to demonstrate for the camera that the sightings of Mothman—which gained so much national attention—were all, in fact, cases of mistaken identity,” Julie Anderson said.

“And how will we do that, Dr. Anderson?” Storm prompted.

“We’ll show that with the help of our feathered friend, Alice,” Anderson said. With that, she pulled on a heavy leather glove, and stepped briefly out of frame. When she returned to the camera’s view, Julie Anderson was holding a 15-inch tall barn owl on her arm.

Joelle noticed Alice’s eyes sharply reflecting the setting sun back into the camera—making the owl look, at least briefly as if she had two laser pointers set into her large, white face.

“A local famer brought the owl in to our Biology Department,” Calvin said. “She’d been injured, perhaps by a car or truck. My wife, who teaches ornithology in that department, has been nurturing her back to health.”

Alice hopped up on Julie Anderson’s shoulder and rested her head against the professor’s neck. The owl started making a low trilling sound.

“As you can see, Alice and I have bonded over the past few weeks,” Julie Anderson said. “But she’s completely healed from her injuries, and now it’s time to release her back into the wild.”

Calvin Holloway reached over and gave the owl a treat from a plastic baggie he pulled form his coat pocket.

Alice sat up, took the treat, and chirped happily. She quickly scratched at one side of her head with her talon, and then looks around—a long way around—with her giant glowing eyes.

Dr. Holloway continued, “We thought that if we filmed an adult barn owl flying away against the night sky—and did so in the very location and about the same time of year where the Mothman was sighted so many years ago—we’d demonstrate that a large barn owl could easily be mistaken for a man-sized flying creature.”

“Dr. Holloway, you’re aware that there were dozens of witnesses, and all of whom were adamant that the creature they saw wasn’t an owl,” Sebastian Storm said.

“I’m aware of that, but witnesses can be mistaken. And it simply had to be an owl. I mean, what else could it have been?”

Alice bobbed her head up and down as if in agreement, and shifted her weight back and forth on Julie Anderson’s shoulder.

Storm turned back to the camera. “We have five remote cameras set up around the McClintic Wildlife Management Area—which is the location that the Mothman was first seen,” he said. “They are focused on different sectors of the sky, so when the barn owl is relased, we will be ab le to show you shots of what those witnesses probably saw in 1966-6.”

Turning back to the owl’s caregivers, Storm asked, “You’re sure that our Alice is ready to be released?”

“We had her checked out by the avian veterinarian at the Louisville Zoo,” Julie Anderson said. “Alice’s x-rays looked great, her weight was back up, and she was given a clean bill of health.”

“We’ve had here banded,” Calvin Holloway said. “So if she ever shows up again, we’ll know which barn owl this is.” He paused for a moment. “The vet said she thought Alice looked like an older bird, and may have had kind of a rough life, judging by her size and some evidence of earlier injuries.”

“But she’s fine now,” Julie Anderson said. “She’s strong, and in fact quite fesity, and she’s ready to fly away and live out the rest of her life in the wild, as she should.”

“Wait, you guys drove her all the way to Louisville for a checkup?” Joelle asked from behind the camera.

“Joelle, I ask the questions on this show,” Storm said.

“We wanted to consult a specialist in avian medicine—to be sure she was OK. In fact, Alice seemed to like traveling,” Calvin Holloway said. “She chirped and cooed all the way there and back.”

“And of course, we’d brought along some of her favorite treats to encourage her to cooperate,” Julie Anderson said.

“We discovered right after she came to us that she’s exceptionally fond of bacon,” Calvin Holloway said.

“Bacon, and my mother’s recipe for sausage balls,” Julie Anderson added.

“So you bribed her with food?” Storm said.

“Not bribery—just basic animal training. Animal trainers never punish or shout; they reward preferred behavior. And anyway, Alice is a really cooperative bird,” Dr. Anderson said.

“Motivated with you mother’s sausage balls,” Joelle said.

“Joelle—,” Storm warned.

“She not only tolerated being handled by the avian vet in Lousivlle, she actually seemed to like it,” Julie Anderson said. “Alice even made a brief appearance in one of their bird demonstrations. She let the vet carry her out on stage to be shown to a group of six-graders who were visiting the zoo.”

“We had her tethered, of course,” Calvin Holloway said. “But she sat on the vet’s glove like a pro, and she puffed up and showed her wings to the kids, and did her wild-owl call for them. The kids clapped and cheered for her, and she loved every minute of it! So Alice is a star of the stage, and soon of TV.”

Storm had been walking the group toward the wildlife area’s tree line, as Joelle followed, keeping the trio in-frame the entire time. The November darkness gathered quickly in Point Pleasant.

“Going to night-mode now,” Joelle said.

Storm turned to the camera again. “The original witnesses claimed they saw a man-sized flying creature following them—a creature with glowing red eyes!”

“And what they almost certainly saw was a normal-sized bird, an owl like Alice here, or perhaps a sand hill crane,” Calvin Holloway said.

“Owl’s eyes strongly reflect ambient light as red, because they’re highly adapted for night hunting,” Julie Anderson picked up the lecture, “and as we’ll see in a few moments, when you see a flying creature against the bare sky—with no points of reference to judge size—you could easily mistake a large bird for, well, something else.”

“Joelle, you’re sure the remotes are working?” Storm asked.

“Sure am. Just checked each camera myself. Don’t worry, Sebastian, we’ll get the shot, no matter which direction she flies,” Joelle said.

“And you’re ready to track when once we do the release?” Storm asked.

“I’m ready.”

“And now,” Storm announced. “We’ll show you what the Mothman really looked like!”

“Good-bye, baby bird. We’ll miss you! Have a good life!” Julie Anderson said, as she slipped the tether from the owl’s leg and with a boost of her arm, launched Alice into the sky.

Alice flew about 10 feet, and then landed. She looked around, shook herself, and then hopped back toward the four humans.

“Shoo bird! Shoo! Fly, damn you!” Storm shouted.

Alice did fly, back to Julie Anderson’s shoulder.

“You shouldn’t yell at her!” Calvin Holloway said. “She hates it when people yell.”

“Back before before the election, we had a difference of opinion with our next-door neighbor, who belong to the, well, the Other party,” Julie Anderson explained.

“I’m ashamed to say, voices were raised,” Calvin Holloway said.

“In the heat of the argument, our neighbor said something ugly to Julie, and Alice must not have liked his tone. She flew at him like a dive-bomber,” Calvin Holloway said.

“And he batted at her with his arms, and got scratched up pretty severely,” Julie Anderson said.

“And she bit a chunk out of his right ear,” Calvin added.

“Wait, you didn’t tell me this bird was dangerous! You brought a man-eating bird on this expedition?” Storm shouted.

“She’s not dangerous!” Dr. Anderson said. “And she didn’t eat the man’s ear. She spit it the piece out.”

“But the ER staff at the hospital couldn’t sew it back on,” Calvin Holloway said. “They said he’ll just have to get used to his ear looking like that.”

“I thought it makes him look a bit like Mr. Spock, from the right side, anyway,” Julie Anderson said. “I mean the older, wrinkly Spock from the movies.”

“Just peachy,” Colonel Sebastian Storm said. “Joelle, are you still rolling?’

“Sure am, boss.”

“OK, we’ve gotta get this shot. So here goes!”

Strom dashed directly at the startled owl, waving his arms and flapping his safari hat, and shouting “Shoo bird! Shoo bird!”

“Don’t do that! You’ll scare her!” Julie Anderson said.

“That’s the idea,” Storm shouted over his shoulder. “Shoo bird! Shoo!”

Alice sprang into the air, and descended toward Storm with a loud cry.

Suddenly the Monster Hunter became the hunted. He turned, and started to retreat toward the expedition’s vehicle, waving his hat to keep the bird away.

“Don’t run!” Calvin Holloway said. “Owls are incredibly good at catching prey that‘s trying to escape.”

“So now I’m prey?” Storm shouted.

“Great stuff,” Joelle said, shifting her position to better capture the attack on Storm. “Great stuff!”

“Get away!” Storm shouted at Alice. “Somebody, get this bird off of me! Help!”

“Alice! Here, girl!” Julie Anderson said. She reached into the pouch at her waist. “Here! Look, I’ve got treats.”

Anderson and Holloway ran after Storm as he ran toward the parked vehicle. Joelle, carrying her heavy camera, followed more slowly.

“Help! Get it off of me!” Storm shouted, a note of panic now entering his voice. He stumbled and nearly fell in the growing darkness.

“Sweet Jesus, this bird must be the size of an airplane! Look at those claws! Joelle, for God’s sake, do something! Anything! Get away, bird! Get it off of me!”

“Alice! Please Alice, don’t bite him!” Calvin Holloway called. “Remember how bad the neighbor tasted!”

“Come here, girl! Come to momma, Alice! Here’s a treat for a good girl!” Julie Anderson called. “Look, I’ve got sausage balls!”

Strom was now screaming and batting wildly at the air above his head. His cries echoed back from the hills surrounding the McClintic Wildlife Management Area and from the abandoned World War II munitions storage igloos that dotted the site.

Above them, as if attracted by the screams and the scent of human fear, something dark glided silently against the darker sky, its red eyes watching the scene unfolding below, and while Colonel Sebastian Storm and his camera operator jumped into their Land Rover and sped away and Alice the owl settled happily again on Julie Anderson’s shoulder to accept a sausage treat, the dark form silently shifted its direction and rode the air currents back out, over the treetops and mountains, and into that cold November night.