The One Very Lazy Reason Why We Hate People We Don't Know

You know how you just hate someone?

You know how people seem to annoy us in life? We read an article about someone online and we're compelled to spit fire at them?

We hear a story from a friend and our instinct is to fly off the handle about what someone did.

And then there are those times when it happens to us when someone does something that pushes a button. They say something to us and we're angry. They share their opinion and our instinct is to argue. 

We hate them for it. 

But if you asked why our buttons are pushed, we can't quite answer why. They haven't physically hurt us. 

And on paper, it wouldn't seem like they've emotionally damaged us either. Being so angry at them doesn't seem justified.

And for all our wondering, we simply know we hate them.

I've figured out what that hate is. And to describe it, I have to start with the tales.

Here are three very different stories with one thing in common.

Isabelle.

Let me start with my friend Isabelle. We went to school together. In year eleven, our second last year at school, Isabelle was being bullied by Amber. Two random people in the grand scheme of things.

I don't really know why Amber picked on Isabelle. If I was speculating, I would say it was because Isabelle was far smarter than Amber and she felt threatened by her.

I never saw the bullying, but I knew Isabelle's pain. I didn't think she was making the events up.

Isabelle went to the teachers at school and told them about Amber. They decided to rectify the situation. At lunch times, when the bullying was at its worst, the teachers decided Isabelle would be safe in a classroom. 

By herself. 

Whilst Amber, the bully, roamed free. And no doubt, bullying someone else too.

Meghan Markle.

I stupidly read the English press. It's a habit I find hard to break. The gossip is intoxicating and you can become hooked on the idiotic replies to the divisive articles. 

People love to hate online. And on these websites, social media included, everyone has a voice to vent this hate.

In the English press, Meghan Markle is a prime target and number one worst enemy. Though why it's her and not Prince Andrew boggles the logical mind. But I'm not going into that debate today.

There's something about her influence on this monarchy that has rubbed people the wrong way. To make matters worse, when she called out racism within the Royal Family, the Brits turned on her. Big time.

To refute her claims, they started an internal review of bullying and racism with the Crown. The entire royal institution went into damage control to prove they weren't racists.

Hawthorn F.C.

Here in Australia, we have Australian Rules Football, AFL for short. You don't need to know much about the code to understand this story. 

16 teams. Players from all over the country. Sports like culture.

One team, which happens to be my team, is currently under investigation for racism within the club. 

It happened some years ago. An Indigenous player claims the head coach, Alastair Clarkson, and player-manager at the time, Chris Fagan, bullied them.

Bullying is probably an understatement. According to the player, yet to name themself, Clarkson and Fagan advised the player to abort his baby. 

And break up with his girlfriend when he happily advised the club he was expecting. They also suggested the player throw out his phone and get a new number.

Clarkson and Fagan aren't any old coaches. Clarkson has coached Hawthorn to four premierships, three of them being in a row between 2013 to 2015. 

He has also had thirteen protege coaches under him, one being Damien Hardwick who went on to lead Richmond to three premierships. It was Richmond's first premiership since 1980.

As the story broke, Clarkson, who was set to coach North Melbourne FC as of 2023, said;

"It remains profoundly disappointing that these matters are now being widely canvassed in the public domain without the opportunity being given to me or others to give our accounts or even read the Hawthorn report, which to this day I have not seen."

Along with a strong denial of the claims, Clarkson pointed the finger at the Indigenous player, and their partner, for accusing him. More to the point, how they did it, as per his above statement.

Three different people. 

Three different scenarios.

So what do Isabelle, Meghan, and the Indigenous player all have in common?

Well, firstly, every one of them has suffered victim shaming.

Isabelle was sent to school prison whilst Amber ran free. Her treatment mirrored that of someone facing punishment. What the teachers did showed zero empathy for her situation.

Meghan Markle, despite being racially vilified and calling it out in a post Black Lives Matter society, has faced ridicule by the media for being a pouting princess. 

People don't believe her. Piers Morgan called her a liar after the Oprah interview. Not a single member of her family, or Prince Harry's, came to her defense.

And the Indigenous AFL player was slammed by Clarkson for going public with the claims before speaking to him first. Like the player needed to consider his accused abuser's feelings before speaking out first.

That's not to say they have been innocent in the situation either.

I don't know if Isabelle provoked the bullying with Amber in the schoolyard. Isabelle was a hard person to get along with. 

She didn't have many friends. The people she did have as friends were always kept at arm's length. 

You never quite knew if she was giving you her full self. 

Perhaps Amber took exception to her cagey behaviour?

Meghan bringing public attention to the Royal Family's issues was a like stab in the back to an aging Queen, who was evidently on her deathbed. 

There are claims Meghan bullied Buckingham Palace staff. And the entire family took exception to someone speaking about them when they couldn't control the narrative. 

It's not the done thing. How dare she?!

And the Indigenous player, who refuses to come forward and say his name, has waited over five years to tell his story. 

Why wait so long? 

Was it to ruin the legacy of Clarkson? 

Or spoil his new job? 

If you were being really heartless, you can find contempt in his anonymity too. Why hide when your story is so powerful?

I'm clutching at straws, by the way. Without knowing the situation, it's hard to find fault in the player's behaviour. What happened to him was wrong. But Clarkson still took issue with this player being the whistleblower.

Despite these things in common, that's not what truly links these stories. Nor does it address the main issue; why we hate particular people for reasons we can't quite understand.

But I gave you a hint. 

These three people, like many others, are whistleblowers. 

They called out other people's behaviours. In schoolyard terms, they are dibber dobbers. And the reason why society likes to turn on whistleblowers is that they do one fundamental thing we all hate.

They cause a problem for others.

By saying what happened to them, they caused an issue for one, two, hundreds, or thousands of people to deal with.

For Isabelle, she caused a problem for a few teachers and her parents.

For the Indigenous player, he caused an entire football club and organisation to review its entire culture. And have its reputation dragged through the mud.

And Meghan? She caused the world to evaluate the monarchy and choose sides in the modern racist dilemma.

We hate it when people give us a problem. It means we have to get off our lazy behinds and change. And do something to make sure it doesn't happen again. It requires an effort that we don't want to make.

If it's not requiring effort to change, these people are forcing us to deal with issues and feelings we wouldn't otherwise have to deal with.

They make you feel things you don't want to.

They keep you up at night.

They force you to think and feel things you haven't before.

And just to make sure we feel validated about hating them, we start picking them to pieces. It's easier to hate the way they disturbed our lives when they have other normal, human things wrong with them, too.

Go onto Twitter to find out everything from Markle's past that even slightly contradicts what she's saying now. And then remind yourself of the logic that everyone grows up and changes.

Just Google anything about her podcast on objectifying women and her former colleagues from Deal Or No Deal. 

It shows you the lengths people are willing to go to hate people; they defy all logical arguments to prove it.

They do what they would hate done to them. They find every moment of weakness to exploit the person. That's how uncomfortable we find what they've done to us. Instead of using our energy to address what they did, we spend it trying to discredit them.

It's irrational. 

To go to these lengths, it's ridiculous. 

To hate people that much and for what? What do we gain from perpetuating the hate?

Sure, if do this, they will go away. Bury the problem and you never have to deal with it again. But does that approach make us good people?

So what do we do?

Well, I can't tell you how to stop hating people. Let's scrap that as a feasible idea; it's never going to happen.

And of course, I'm not saying this is the only reason why we hate them and make enemies out of them. Sometimes, people go out of their way to hurt us. Hating them is the natural reaction. But those are the moments we can explain. This is rational hate.

But this isn't rational hate. This is when we come for people who challenge our status quo, whether we know it or not.

What can we do? I'm not sure I have a solution by the way. It could be for another day.

But I hope this helps you see what I've seen; sometimes we get angry because we have to get off our butts. And we have to change. And everything in our fundamental being hates that we have to do that.

It's easier to hate people than listen, care and take action on what they're saying. 

It's easier to dismiss them. Boring but easier. Cruel but easier. Hypocritical but easier. Cowardly but easier.

Personally, I'm not into easy. I don't want to die thinking I took the easy path out of life. 

What kind of life would that be?

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