The One Type of Confidence That Attracts People

Like me, you’ve probably been in social situations where you didn’t feel particularly confident. As an introvert who tends to hide in her own shell, I find it challenging to feel comfortable in social groups. Of course, it would also depend on what groups I am in and my overall level of comfort.

Speaking of social confidence, there are two types: epistemic confidence and social confidence, as social psychologists call it.

Epistemic confidence involves certainty regarding statements you make. How sure are you about something that you say is true? Your epistemic confidence is reflected in such statements as “I’m 100% sure this will work” or “I can bet my life that something is true.”

Social confidence is a measure of your level of confidence in group settings. How secure are you about yourself and your interactions? Are you comfortable being in your own skin? You project a different level of social confidence, depending on you how you speak and what you say.

Social Confidence Is Attractive

Research has shown that it is social confidence that people judge you on the most. That means people will pay attention more to how self-assured you are in how you speak.

Some highly successful people, such as Jeff Bezos, display such an abundant level of social confidence that makes him likable and approachable. Or picture a leader who comes out on stage and gives such an inspiring pep talk that you can’t help but feel their energy and spirit.

Based on how strongly people present themselves, you can almost guess they’ll be successful. You can taste their success based on how they come off. Their level of self-assurance is remarkable.

People mistakenly believe that if you are uncertain about something you can’t be confident. But this is a wrong metric of self-confidence.

When you’re confident in yourself, you’re not afraid to express uncertainty, even in front of a crowd of people. Being unsure of something or not being able to make accurate projections doesn’t make you any less confident. What it comes down to is how you relay that message to your crowd. Your demeanor and how you carry yourself are what make you confident. And that’s exactly what social confidence is all about.

Take any successful entrepreneur, for example. Do you know one factor that contributes to their success and helps them close the deals with influential people?

Their abundant level of social confidence.

For example, back in 1996 when Jeff Bezos met up with his partner, John Doerr, he left an unforgettable impression on Doerr. This meeting played a pivotal role behind Doerr’s next move — he decided to invest in Amazon. Here’s what he said:

“I walked into the door and this guy with a boisterous laugh who was just exuding energy comes bounding down the steps. In that moment, I wanted to be in business with Jeff.”

In short, how you carry yourself and your level of self-assurance can play a critical role in any business venture. Social confidence will take you far ahead in life, whether you’re an entrepreneur, a businessperson, or a salesperson. Social confidence will help you leave a good impression, attract a crowd of people, and establish vital connections. And the value of social confidence in our interactions is supported by research. When it comes to success, being self-assured is better than being certain of something.

In one study, researchers filmed and analyzed interactions among university students working together in small groups. Then they showed that video to another group of people to judge on their confidence level. People gave a higher rating to those students who displayed a higher level of social confidence — e.g. their participation in conversation and their relaxed demeanor. Their epistemic confidence — how sure they were about something — made little impact.

How To Be More Socially Confident

If you’re trying to raise the level of your social confidence, here’s what you can do:

Say what you have to say

Don’t think too much about what you’re going to say. Don’t filter the information too much. Don’t automatically assume people on the other end will judge you. Just speak up and say whatever you want to say with confidence.

Confidence will find you when you stop questioning yourself and allow yourself to speak up. Remember, your words have value. Speak up and let them out. The more open and uninhibited you are, the more you’ll come across as being more confident.

Have a relaxed demeanor

When you’re too anxious or nervous, people will sense your emotions. Take a deep breath before you speak. This will allow you to speak in a relaxed manner. Speak at a steady pace — not too fast or too slow. Speak evenly and with clarity. Avoid stuttering. If you’re not sure of something, don’t be afraid to display uncertainty.

Make eye contact

Research shows that people who make eye contact appear to be more confident. When you speak to another person, whether in a live meeting or Zoom, look at the person in the eye. Of course, you don’t want to fix your gaze, but you don’t want to appear aloof either.

Eye contact helps build trust and position yourself to be more competent. It’ll also help you establish a genuine connection with the person you’re talking to.

The Bottom Line

There are two types of confidence: epistemic and social. It’s the social type of confidence that attracts people the most. People will judge your confidence based on the amount of social confidence you display. It is measured by how you present yourself, how you carry yourself in front of other people, and how comfortable you are with yourself. To grow social confidence, speak your mind, have a relaxed demeanor, and remember to make eye contact.