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The Non-Verbal Observation That is Positively Changing My Life

The time I realized MOM had better moves than she let on.

By Danielle DeutschPublished 3 years ago 9 min read
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They say history repeats itself until the lesson is learned. Have you ever looked through personal historic records like the baby book your mom assembled for you and realized there are lessons hidden just outside the frames of the cute and funny baby moments?

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

That what’s inside the frame is merely the launch pad to the meat of the lessons, behind the scenes, just outside the frame. This isn’t just a story about the cute memories or the article clippings mom placed loosely at the front of the book about parenting a kid with autism or developmental delays but reveals something deeper…

Something that I hardly realized was part of my story until... Now. Something that my family hardly realized either but probably wondered what I was thinking during the majority of time as a baby and young kid when I listened more than spoke up. This is kind of where it all started.

But before I jump into what I think is the hardest story I’ve had to put into a cohesive piece on Vocal to date… Hardest because I’m not sure it will ever be completely polished... Because it is a deep passion of mine and even though I’ve overcome what seems like 10,000 TONS, I am still very much in the middle of the crazy journey life has in store for me (even as your spirit is with me from a distance, mom). But my sincere hope after you read the last word is that you discover at least one positive action that you can implement everyday regardless of what you do to help you move with less stiffness, aches, and pain.

By Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

So the story begins with my mom and the family in my first years of life seeing that there was something different about me. I didn’t develop at the same pace as my older siblings or peers...

But is this really a difference worth all the different labels given to “special needs” individuals who maybe want to feel like they are accepted in the same light as anyone else? There’s a loaded question but I think it begs to be thought about with a compassionate heart.

By Daniel Thomas on Unsplash

Any who, this led to numerous medical, physical, and speech therapy visits. At one point I had tubes in my ear because I complained my ears hurt which might be tied somehow to the speaking voice I was given that was less audible and clear than most at this stage in life. In any case this led to me becoming more of an observer first. At the time I hardly knew there was anything wrong other than different physical issues that crept up. But like a ray of light in a darkened town, Mom reminds me in the baby book and memories that to her knowledge I was happiest when I was included with everyone else. Like when I did cheerleading at age 6 even though I hardly smiled. To people on my team or watching they might've wondered if I even liked the activity. My mom assured them I did and that I enjoyed being with peers if nothing else. Progress.

But the thing that took me almost 35 years to realize is… That even though I only did it one year, just the fact that I stood on my own two feet without falling and did my best to mimic what the other girls were doing was a step of major progress. And I did it outside of physical or speech therapy! But what I didn’t realize I was learning at the time was the start to the fundamental positive habits that most dancers and gymnasts learn and exhibit underneath all the stunts and skills that help them look younger and move with less injuries. Habits I sort of had but would’ve benefitted greatly from when I used to fill my mom’s heart to the max dancing around the bedroom as she video taped it...

By Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash

Sometimes I wish I could relive it with who I am today and my kid body as crazy as that sounds.

It isn’t even about all the stunts, skills, and performance routines. From what I’ve noticed looking at photos of mom as a kid modeling her ballerina outfit in the living room, seeing live performances of dancers and gymnasts who move without taking the awareness off of the upright posture, balance, and tone that lands them successfully, or even just remembering the way mom sat at the computer or family table that they all trained a positive postural habit in line with the lovely plumb line that all humans are capable of whether sitting or standing that brings lightness, poise, and less physical aches and pain.

By David Hofmann on Unsplash

I’m not saying that you can’t live a long time or live peacefully with a bad posture that looks more like Quasimodo because I do know specific people who can handle it… But for most of us we will benefit from paying attention to those around us who exhibit more positive postural habits.

We’ve only just begun to touch on WHY this is so important to me…

Let’s keep going.

So early on in my childhood I was slower to speak than most. When I finally started to make recognizable sounds and words it wasn’t very audible or clear.

Over the years our primary care physician at the time told mom that my air capacity was quite shallow which seemed to tamper with the volume and quality of my speaking voice. She got me this peak air flow meter that when both her and my brother tried achieved a reading near the top but mine was barely above the lowest reading. I had to put a large effort into it if I wanted to get the reading at least halfway up the middle of the meter (which usually meant my shoulders tensed up). I guess you could say this was the first time we noticed that my postural habits might need to shift… If you’ve ever tried to break a deep rooted habit that doesn’t seem to have one starting place you know that is no easy task!

By Andrew Neel on Unsplash

But over time mom suggested I make more effort to sit up taller with both feet on the ground… Now remember the first sentence of this piece that said, “history repeats itself until the lesson is learned.” Well, still to this day I have trouble with such a seemingly simple task. Maybe you can relate?

But what’s more amazing is that this lesson really did keep repeating itself even after mom’s physical body left this Earth in 2014… When I went through and completed yoga teacher training in 2017 of which I learned a great deal about how the human body moves today vs how it was designed to move efficiently and away from injury and pain...

Let me stop to say that this accomplishment alone is something I hope you could see from heaven, mom... I asserted myself and spoke up loud and clear, or what mom called my "spaghetti voice" because I used to say "No, I do not want spaghetti" in an impeccably clear and low tone of voice that it took mom and everyone by surprise. Maybe if we didn't have spaghetti so much I wouldn't have said it so sternly but then again it did help me unlock a part of my voice that's been with me all a long but hardly realized.

But the point being is that the basics of what I learned lined up with the fundamental postural habits that I saw mom display and that she encouraged me to do years ago. I’m reading you now, universe!

Somehow all of these seemingly different events in my life are working together to help me develop away from the postural habit that is causing a weak air capacity behind a timid sounding voice and imbalanced muscle tone that results in a lot of stiffness and achy joints when I want to move promptly and efficiently.

By Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash

Sometimes I wonder if one has to spend hours in a gym or track to achieve the miraculous plumb line where the body even if it’s not the slimmest figure can move light (as in it doesn’t feel heavy to move) and more effortlessly and less injury-prone.

Well...

Well, thanks to the observations of 28 years with you mom, I learned from both your verbal and non-verbal cues that it is possible without spending hours in a gym like a gymnast or dancer does. But the how to do - well that is still a work in progress. But knowing you has among so much taught me that it’s possible to train such positive fundamental postural and movement habits without always training like a dancer or gymnast. The way I see it, whether you’re a gymnast, dancer, or neither, the fundamental habits that keep us upright and moving without injury are always available to us as long as we have a pulse. Depending on where you are it might take a little or a lot more effort to fight the habits that aim to mold us into a shape that doesn’t move as efficiently.

Something I ponder frequently and am always amazed at the way you owned your desk work, mom by maintaining the upright posture without slumping a lot in the chair. I know sitting in front of screens for extended periods of time isn't initially bad but can become harmful or inefficient when we rely more on the furniture to support us than developing the support from within. I’d say if we want to improve efficiency in whatever we do we would be wise to figure out how we can implement these small habits that add up to moving by human design (and less like a stiff robot).

By Standsome Worklifestyle on Unsplash

Try it right now, press both feet on the ground evenly… Do you feel even the smallest sensation light up your legs and buttocks that’s beginning to help you sit, stand, and move without always having to rely on a chair or couch for support? It truly is a miracle that until now I thought I had to train like a dancer or gymnast… Which wouldn’t be a bad thing given where I’m starting from as long as I remember to celebrate every step as progress and be grateful for this opportunity and each breath over any big outcome because it’s not about cool party tricks or stunts but about showing up with the same posture like we were doing them in ordinary life situations.

So I talked in depth on the importance of posture and what it means for us regardless of what we do and the power of learning it through quiet observation rather than rushing through a source for a specific answer (like we used to do in the back of our math textbooks).

Thank you, mom for believing in progress when at the time it might’ve seemed unthinkable. Thank you for the small gems you offered the world both in words and non-verbal communication. I hope this sparked hope for a few mom's and their children out there.

You absolutely deserve the title of #BossMom because crushing it in the non-verbal department is not easy.

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About the Creator

Danielle Deutsch

Danielle Deutsch believes all of us have the greatest super power ever - THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE! Some of us learn from our mistakes faster than others. Find a slower learner and give them a lift today! :-)

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