The Millennial Villain

I don't want to curse a baby or anything, but I realized one day that I am not the hero of my own story.

Let me explain,

I try to do the right thing. I recycle, I donate to companies fighting global warming, I am a feminist, I am bisexual, and every day I fight the patriarchy and archaic social norms that dictate our lives trying to force us into the hopeless mold of consumer driven capitalism.

However, with all that being said, I'm still the villain.

I had this epiphany one day while at work. I used to work in a gift shop and while managing the register one day, a guy comes in. This was in October of 2020 and it was a fairly warm day for Southern California, so I was wearing a simple black day dress, a witchy hat from Etsy, and a face mask. Gotta keep that spooky vibe up no matter the weather.

This man walks in, buys a water from the fridge and proceeds to chat.

If there's one thing I cannot stand it's mindless meaningless chit chat with someone I do not want to talk to.

So, this man talks about the weather and how excited he was to walk around with his friends that day and I'm just nodding along.

I learned a trick during the pandemic that has proven hard to kick; my eyes squint when I smile, so to fake smiling, I would squint my eyes and seriously hardly anyone noticed the difference.

This *********** piece of sh*t then hits me with:

"Before I leave, give us a smile."

When I tell you, I used the strength of my ancestors to prevent myself from gagging.

I squint my eyes and tilt my head to the side.

"Nooooo." This ********** ********* ******** wags his finger in my face. "I know you didn't smile, it didn't reach your eyes. Try again."

I took a breath, and smiled under my mask.

"There ya go!" He grinned in triumph and cheered me.

G.A.G.

"Pretty girls always smile, remember that!" He shouted as he left.

HE then left the door to the shop open to the outer heated elements.

I watched him get in a golf cart and drive away and I mumbled to myself:

"I hope you drop dead, ***hole."

4 Hours Later. *in the voice from Spongebob*

I was still managing the register when a woman bursted through the doors.

"Help!" She was panting and clearly in shock, I ran forward and helped her into a seat and gave her some water and took deep breathes with her.

"A man." She took a deep breath "A man just collapsed, someone called 911 but they said I should run here and let you know."

I called a coworker to stay with her and ran outside, in 3 inch heels no less, and shouted at people to get out of the way. We had blocked the main street for pedestrians for a street fair and I had to run 4 blocks, IN HEELS, to clear the barricades and wait for the ambulance.

I did have a personal dream come true when the fire truck came by and a very sexy fireman reached out and grabbed my arm and let me hang off the side of the truck with him.

Swoon was short lived though.

As we pulled up to the collapsed person, I realized it was the guy who told me to smile earlier.

I froze.

Yes, this is a stupid thought to have in hindsight but none the less, what went through my brain at that moment was:

"Aw sh*t I killed him."

No, I didn't ACTUALLY kill him. But I think I sent something into the universe to put a curse on this man and his heart just couldn't handle it.

I helped keep the crowd back and watch helplessly as the paramedics surrounded him and took his vitals.

I was still reeling with the fact that I maybe cursed someone when the fireman came back up to me.

"Ma'am, you look a little pale. Are you alright?" He leaned over me and led me to the side of the truck.

Yeah, I'm an idiot for following a stranger, I know. I was trying to figure out if I was a mutant with the power to kill people with my brain, okay? No amount of X-Men comics could prepare you for this weird coincidence of real life.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Did you know this man?" He asked and took out the clip board they took his vitals on.

"Yes, I kind of know hi-oh my god you used past tense, is he dead?" I panicked and looked up at him.

Damn, he was so cute in hind sight.

"No! No no he's fine, we're taking him to the hospital and someone said you might know his wife?" He scribbled on the notepad.

"No I don't but I think my boss does, he comes to our shop all the time."

"Well, here's my number. If you feel dizzy at all or wanna talk about this, because this is very traumatic, just give me a call." He smiled and tore off a corner of the page and handed it to me.

"Thank you." I mumbled and walked back to the shop.

It still did not register to me at that point that he was hitting on me.

I'm a Sagittarius, okay? We are oblivious.

So, I got home later that day and my mom came into the living and stared at me.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I almost killed a man today with my brain."

".......you're gonna have to explain this one."

So, I told her the tale of my idiotic thought process and she laughed at me and I laughed at myself.

Possible Murderous Mutations aside, the reason I know I'm the villain is that I wasn't actually worried about this man dying.

I know, a horrible thing to even think let alone say, but this was not a good man. I didn't know him well, but every interaction I had with him ended with me hating him a little more. From telling me to smile under a mask to grabbing my ass as I walked by to asking me what kind of "services" I offer as a shop attendant. He was awful to all the girls in the shop, and even a few of the guys that worked with me wouldn't deal with him because he called them all "Mary" to their faces. He said they must be gay for working in the shop.

It was a gift shop geared toward mechanics. Not a girlie shop at all.

The next time I saw him, you know what he said to me?

"Maybe this time you can actually smile at me, I had to go to the hospital because I had to ask you twice."

...I maybe mumbled again to myself after he left.

He still lives, just FYI.

So, I'm not a mutant villain, which is super disappointing because I already had my costume sketched out and my name would've been Enchantress or Hypnotizer or something like that.

But I still am a villain in small ways where I don't get sad when I hear about some people being dead or very sick. Throughout the entire decade of 2020, there were so many people I ran into on a daily basis that would scream at me for wearing a mask, for not hanging out, for being not a Republican. I tried to drop off my voting ballot four times to my designated location, but three of those times, there were men with Trump flags circling the parking lot and harrassing people.

I may be a villain, but I am also a tiny woman who didn't have any type of physical defense training at that time. If they cornered me, that was it.

Of those awful people, when I would hear about them going to the hospital with COVID or some other ailment would befall them, I had to fight off a smile and pretend to be upset.

I'm not proud about being the villain in my life, but I'm not ashamed of it either.

I'm tired of being the punching bag, I'm tired of people assuming things about me, and I'm especially tired of people who think they deserve respect from me without earning it.

I was at Michaels a few weeks ago, I was in a Metallica tshirt and leggings. I was on my way to the gym and stopped to grab some henna pens because I wanted to practice drawing tattoos on my arms and this little old lady started walking down the same aisle I was standing in. I step froward toward the shelves to get out of her way and she started talking. I didn't look over, I assumed she was on the phone or talking to someone else I couldn't see.

Suddenly, I heard her cart rattle and it hit my left leg really hard.

"Ow!" I cried out. I looked over at her and she was glaring at me.

"That's what you get for not answering me!" She hissed at me.

"Look lady, I didn't know you were talkin' to me." I growled at her. I rubbed my leg and could already feel a bruise coming on.

"Don't whine at me! Just tell me where the scrapbook paper is."

"I don't f*cking know." I snapped. I grabbed the pens off the shelf and walked away from her.

I heard her cart rattle again and I whirled around and grabbed it before it hit me again.

"Listen to me you stupid snowflake millennial brat." She said. "I don't care what mood your in, you work here so tell me what I want and I'll be out of your way so you can text your girlfriend or whatever."

"Listen to me you wrinkled, rotten apple skinned hoe." I said quietly. "I don't f*cking work here and if your method of asking for help is beating people with carts, maybe you should go back to hell and collect the other demons to do your bidding because no human is going to help you with shit." I shoved her cart to the side and walked away. I put the pens on the next shelf and left the store.

I worked with the elder generations for a decade and when I say I f*cking all of them, believe me.

They've called me a villain for a decade, every day, every working hour; FINE.

FINE.

I'm the villain of the millennial generation.

I'm more than happy to fit the bill for my generation, I'll now go find an abandoned castle along a cliff side, so if anyone wants to join me you're more than welcome to.

#MilennialVillainForever