The Legen(Don't Wait For It)dary Ex

I dated this guy for five years, and for about four of them I thought we were going to get married and live out the rest of our lives together. At first, he just seemed like the right amount of weird, one might even use the term 'eccentric' when describing him. As time went on, I realized that I didn't want to lie and call him 'eccentric' while he twerked in the background listening to Anaconda and wearing more eyeliner than me.

The first time he met my family was during a Halloween party we were having, we were all in pretty basic costumes and I told him it was casual and that we weren't taking the kids trick-or-treating so if he came in pjs that'd be fine. He showed up as a character from Attack on Titan in full costume, and had the whitest and tightest pants I had ever seen in my life. He made a good impression on my family, but the minute he left they did turn to me and ask what he dressed up as because he wouldn't explain it he just did some weird fight move.

The next day I met him and he told me he was planning to wear it to comic-con the next year and he was doing a photo shoot in the backyard with his stepmother which was not unusual.

I did think it was unusual with the amount of shots that he posed like Black Widow in the original Avengers movie posters. It was especially weird because he had no ass, there was no cake people. Hell, there's still no cake five years later. Side note: I did catch him doing some online shopping one time for those booty insert panties. That's the real test of a relationship, your reaction when you catch your man buying Kardashian level panties for himself.

Later on he posted the pictures on his social media pages, and I didn't think anything of it until I was having lunch with a mutual friend a few days later.

"So, I saw those pictures your boyfriend posted." She side eyed me while drinking a green tea.

"Yeah, he's really excited about Comic-Con." I still didn't think anything was too weird.

"Did you approve the pictures?" She asked.

"He doesn't need my permission to post it. I was there when he took them." I had no idea where she was going with this.

"So, you didn't realize you can see his dick through the pants?"

"WHAT?!" I practically fell out of my chair trying to grab my purse off the floor and I loaded his pictures on my phone.

Yeup. You didn't have to look that hard either, I have no idea how I didn't see it before.

I saw him that night and told him about this issue which I had decided to name Cosplay-Gate.

"Well, I can't wear underwear with those pants, it ruins the lines!" He said, completely annoyed that I was asking him to take the pictures down and not because you could SEE his PENIS on his PROFILE PICTURE.

"What kind of pants are those? You know the Spirit Halloween store sells cheap shit, let me buy you an nice pair of pants." I was trying people.

"I didn't buy them there, I got those pants at the Mall. They are Anne Taylor Loft pants." He sighed and rolled his eyes. "They squeeze my junk so tight it hurts, but they complete the outfit."

I didn't know what to do at this point. I don't judge men wearing women's clothes, I wear men's clothes all the time. However, if something is uncomfortable and literally is squeezing a part of your anatomy so tightly that it leaves indentations on your skin, you wouldn't buy it right? I told him that if he wore those pants to comic-con and came home that night complaining that he had 'TFOL ROLYAT ENNA' across his ass, that there would be no sympathy from me.

I dress in cosplay for some events and I enjoy it, I've dressed up as Belle and Ursula and Maleficent and other characters. I've done the whole get up and I understand the dedication that you must have to commit to looking like that for an entire day while walking at a convention. But when I put together my cosplay, I make sure that I'll be comfortable and I take a change of clothes when turn into a wimp and start ripping everything off.

My ex did not have the same process. He wanted his cosplay to look as close to the source material as possible and he did not care how uncomfortable it was. He once took me shopping with him for a costume for some other anime character. We went to Hot Topic and he tried on a pair of pants but when he came out of the dressing room, the pants only went three quarters of the way up his ass and gave his ass a muffin top. I didn't even know that was possible. As if that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't really bend his legs either to walk so he looked like he lost both his kneecaps. I told him to get another size and he told me that if he couldn't get them in a Small size, he wasn't gonna get them at all.

His reason was that he hated baggy clothes, he said that baggy clothes were uncomfortable for him. I have never met anyone else who agreed with that statement.

In conclusion, if your spouse cares more about clothing size than their junk being on display on the internet, mark it as a red flag.