The Leah Complex

You ever felt overlooked or not seen? This is something I have dealt with quite often. Picture this: a friend invited me to a salsa night event and I got all dressed up. I thought I had something going on with my outfit! We are at this function sitting and waiting for the dance portion of the night to begin. As we sat waiting to dance, I noticed that when men came to ask us to dance they would always ask her first. I felt some type of way because I was not chosen first. I’m not sure why that was but I started feeling like Leah. For anyone who reads the Bible knows the story of Leah and her sister Rachel. Leah was described as the “eh” sister while Rachel was said to be very beautiful. I’m pretty sure Jacob saw both sisters but Rachel caught his eye to the point he was willing to work seven years before claiming her! However on the night of the wedding the father gave Leah instead. Needless to say Jacob was upset and I wonder how Leah felt to be the second choice. To be overlooked and not seen. I wonder what was her marriage like? Because eventually, Jacob married Rachel too, his first choice.

I relate to Leah because I’m not a Rachel. I don’t turn heads or cause a man to want to work seven years before making me his. Pretty much most of my life has been me having a Leah complex. The Bible said Leah had a “lazy eye.” Not entirely sure what would be a modern translation, but for me it’s my dark skin. Growing up I would watch how guys fawned over light skinned girls. Another “lazy eye” is my hair texture. Watching movies and listening to my guy friends talk about how they “want to run their fingers through her hair.” I believe people are attracted to who they are attracted to, but to live most of your life feeling not pretty enough or good enough is a hard life to live. One of the main questions I would often have is "How do I continue to live with these thoughts and emotions?"

I have learned to be content with everything that makes me, me. Regardless of the action of others I cannot let that dictate how I see myself. Until I see me as something to behold, I will always feel some type of way when I don’t get chosen. Again I don’t know what Leah’s marriage was like, but at the end Jacob asked to be buried next to her. I’m not sure when things shifted for Jacob and he realized that true beauty starts internally. And just like Leah I know that internal beauty is worth more precious than external beauty. I walk with my head lifted high with humility knowing that I may be overlooked for the rest of my life and I may never be chosen first. However, none of it will ever take away from who I am and my beauty.

My hope is that you understand that beauty is not measured by external features, but by what comes from the inside. No amount of makeup or surgery will authentically reveal true beauty. You must take the time to work on the inside more than the outside. Obviously, the outside matters too because no one wants to look like a scrub, however when the outside is more important than the inside then true beauty is stifled. I hope one day the media and society will advocate for more inward talk about beauty than how to gain attention based on outward presence.

Be Blessed.