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The Good Things People Don’t Tell You About Long-Distance Relationships

The new era of love language

By 𝒟𝒶𝒾𝓈𝒽𝒶 𝒲.Published 3 months ago Updated 3 months ago 6 min read
Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) have a bad rep, and I have bone to pick with it. Why? Because there’s a huge misconception that long-distance relationships always come down to crash and burn. In some aspects, people get cheated on, lied to, or break up due to ongoing suffering of loneliness. But one thing that lacks importance, is that these same things can occur even if you’re laying beside your partner every single day. Many people forget the existence of their lover and only realize their presence when they are absent.

Side note: Although distance may play a slight factor, people’s wrongful actions should never be blamed on being miles apart from someone. This has nothing to do with the distance itself. It has a lot to do with individual perspectives and who these people already are.

The cold truth is not many people are strong enough to sustain a LDR. Spending days, months, or even years apart from someone is not for the weak. It takes a lot of effort, time, and care. LDRs are far out of most people’s reach. Often, the general public sees it as a frightening risk not worth initiating. Many people wind up drowning in their insecurities and lack trust in their partners. Long distance is hard but never impossible.

If you’re someone who’s in a long-distance relationship, you’ve probably heard the common phrases:

• “It won’t work out” or “It won’t last very long”

• “How can you trust that they won’t cheat on you” or “You’re probably getting cheated on”

• “How can you go so long without sex”

• “Do you really love this person” or “How can you have feelings for someone so far away”

• “It’s not a real relationship”

And I’m sure there are other personal stereotypes LDRs run into.

Despite the pessimistic view of LDRs, they happen to be more successful than one might think. With trendy “commuter marriages”, technology expanding and dating/social platforms evolving, there are opportunities to meet new people across the map. Even so, ones that catch your eye in particular.

Crystal Jiang, a assistant professor at City University and Jeffrey Hancock at Cornell University studied LDRs, intimacy, and the overall bond of being apart from someone. Jiang added that LDRs reported feeling emotionally closer to their partners in comparison to people who were around their partners on a daily basis. She mentioned that around 3 million Americans live apart from their spouses (not involving divorce) and 50% college students are in a long-distance relationship as well.

New York Post discussed a study performed by KIIROO on 1,000 Americans in a long-distance relationship:

“81 percent said being in a long-distance relationship made real-life visits a lot more intimate than usual, due to the speciality of occasion.”

Here are the subtle yet, obvious benefits of being in a long-distance relationship:

1. Time, Independence, and Personal Growth

When I say time is on your side, it is your right-hand man. Being apart from someone gives you the spare time to work on yourself, self-sufficiency, your goals, and your personal aspirations. Doing so can help you and your partner grow individually as a person. You will have more freedom, more self-awareness, and time to dive into your passions or interests. Once you spend so much time with yourself, you appreciate your partner more once you get the chance to see them because you’re already equipped with the tools you need for yourself.

No matter what type of relationship it may be, time alone is necessary. Why? Because we can become the best version of ourselves. In return, this will only help us to build great bonds and worthy connections in the real world.

It is easy to get caught up in the daily shenanigans of life forgetting ourselves, but this will serve us no justice. Couples who are around each other 24/7 may find this difficult to navigate through with personal time and space (But it is never impossible!).

2. Communication and Conflict is Improved

LDRs understand that without communication, there is no relationship. You need a solid communication system but not just any form of communication. In many aspects messages, video chats sessions, or phone calls may be detailed word-from-word, emphasized with emotion, and spilled with a large glass of clarity.

Overtime you learn to communicate better in brand new ways you probably haven’t experienced before. I swore up and down I wouldn’t be the girl who FaceTimed people but all it took was one person to change my mind.

If you genuinely want your long-distance relationship to work, conflict is addressed quickly and resolved with the proper care. You learn how to approach different problems because you have the time to reflect, tap into your thoughts, and the additional parts you played.

3. The Strength Of Survival

If you can survive the testing trials of long-distance, you can survive any difficulty. I say this because it takes a lot of commitment and trustworthiness to fulfill your relationship. When faced with adversity and temptation, there will always be an evil person knocking at the door in your mind to do otherwise, but if you’re strong enough, you will resist anything that will impact your relationship negatively.

Not only that but mentally and emotionally this can make you stronger to handle such issues. Like most people that survive their lengthy relationships/marriages know that it is not a cakewalk but with communication, persistence, and trust, both partners can reap great rewards.

4. Creativity Blossoms

Creativity is something LDRs engage in a lot. Strategic ways of intimacy are amplified. And this is normally because, without the physical ability to do most activities, they are created virtually. A few examples may be having a watch party when you can’t go to the movies, games (video games, board games, etc.), listening to music, cooking new recipes together, and plenty more fun-filled ideas.

I came across a couple that would do fashion shows through FaceTime. It was interesting to me because they seemed to enjoy it a lot. They tried on many different outfits and even stunted their model walks and poses. Along with this, they would spice up their date nights with random truth-or-dare cards to shuffle through. Quite the eventful time.

Creativity allows you to venture outside of you and your lover's comfort zone. This makes the relationship interesting and thrilling with surprises.

5. You Appreciate Each other More

As much as it hurts to not see your partner on a daily basis, the biggest benefit is appreciating one another’s presence once you both see each other. Time is fully cherished. Every second, minute, and hour of the day counts as a gift. Wasting time is not an option because LDRs understand that the valuable time offered, will eventually come to a short end. So, moments are made to be memorable and meaningful.

As crazy as it sounds, we tend to miss people more when they aren’t around as much. After a while when someone is around too much, we get used to them, barely noticing the minor details. Quality time apart is crucial and should never be considered a bad measure to take.

6. The Willpower of Patience

Patience is a virtue. As the popular saying goes. In a long-distance relationship, you are almost forced to be patient in different ways. Since you can’t always meet up with your partner when you want to. This can be physical or virtual.

You may not always be able to FaceTime your partner because you both are dealing with the fast-paced busy world. Patience can make both lives less overwhelming and more at ease.

Additional benefits of being patience include:

• Developing resistance & persistance

• Thoughful decisions are made

• You learn to be kind

• You learn to be a better listener

7. Traveling

Despite the odds that may be against your relationship, traveling can be an exciting adventure. There are new things that you and your partner can explore from each other’s states/countries. More memories can be created, new things can be taught, and fresh experiences will be brought. Who wouldn’t want to travel and seek out exciting opportunities if given the chance?


About the Creator

𝒟𝒶𝒾𝓈𝒽𝒶 𝒲.

A rambling Curious George who just doesn’t stop writing, doesn’t stop thinking, and never stops exploring.

Feel free to tag along in my pursuit of wonders. 🪐🎨

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  • Cathy holmes3 months ago

    Interesting article. Well done.

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