The Friend Zone

We all know what the friend zone means, it's a pretty common term nowadays, but what does it really mean? People tend to see it as a negative place, somewhere they're put when they're not 'enough' for someone to date. But I see it differently. I see it as a place to properly get to know someone, build a solid friendship and create a deep connection.

We met on Tinder (yes I know a lot of my stories start that way) and quickly became friends. As his bio had no pictures of his face (to protect his identity at work) so I wasn't entirely sure who I was talking to at first, but I knew I liked him. He was kind, gentle and smart, and I enjoyed talking to him. We had an instant connection, an instant friendship and he generally made me happy. As our friendship grew I wanted to know who I was talking to and started to ask him for photos, but he kept saying he was too shy and hated photos. I didn't like that, I didn't want to be catfished, so in an effort to get to know him more I insisted on video calling him. True to his shyness I couldn't see his face as he had the phone facing away. I found it so frustrating!! I tried a few more times to get photos of him before giving up. I decided he was probably short and fat and was hiding from me (don't ask where I got short and fat from) and gave up. We continued to talk on the phone for hours and text and he was quickly becoming one of my closest friends, someone who's conversation and kindness I valued greatly.

Over time I started to see a reckless side to him, especially when it came to drugs and women. I didn't like that either. From the way he talked about things I began to wonder what type of person he truly was, and if someone like that should be a part of my life. Then came the tough decision I knew I had to make, I had to cut him from my life. It felt shit, like, really shitty to give up such a nice friendship and a person I cared about but I knew his behaviour would affect me and I didn't have the capacity at the time to support him for the fall. Mental illness and addiction don't mix well. For the sake of myself and my health, I disappeared off the face of the earth and deleted his number.

Two months went by, five months seven months, nine months and he began to fade from my mind. Occasionally I would wonder about him, was he ok? Was he happy? Did he find love? What was he up to? I hoped he was happy and safe.

Then one day out of the blue I got a text message from him.

"Heyyyyyyyy"

"It's *Blake"

I was so happy to hear from him, but also cautious.

I couldn't remember if I had deleted his number or if it had been lost when I got a new phone (I had had 3 in that time) and I felt a little guilty for ditching, but he completely understood and was so kind about it. He told me he had been to rehab, and that not dragging me into it was for the best, that me distancing myself from him was a smart move and it was ok. I was grateful I could open up to him so easily and be so honest about things. He was so open about his experiences and what he had been through, it made me feel confident to do the same and tell him things I didn't frequently talk about. He was a new person, confident and open, I was impressed.

It was Xmas holidays, so he was free most days for texting, and as the days went on I thought about him more. Who was this stranger who was my friend? Was he hot? Fuck I hope he's hot. As we began to slowly rebuild our friendship, the bushfires came. My household was packed for evacuation and waiting out the firestorm threatening our very lives. It was terrifying. I would write a message every day and send it to all my friends and family so they knew we were ok. Something told me to send it to Blake as well, so I did. He was so supportive and kind, reassuring me when I felt scared, and overall a great friend. We began to text every day. Then one day we messaged for the entire day, and it was amazing. Our connection was strong! We kept texting every day until we decided to talk on the phone. he was driving home from his holidays and needed the company in the car, so we spoke for four hours. Yep, four hours of everything under the sun. Then the next day again for over four hours. It felt amazing to find someone I connected with so well. Somebody so encouraging and kind, who treated me like a princess and made me feel so loved. I couldn't believe I had found him, we had so much in common. We wanted the same things in a relationship, in life, and liked and disliked the same things. We were on the same page with everything important, how often do you get that with someone?

We decided to meet the next weekend, and see what we had in person. That weekend will be tomorrow! I am so excited to meet this amazing man who fills my heart with comfort and joy, who is always a kind text away, who is ever supportive of who I am and what I've been through, my future. This man who has decided I'm the girl for him, and he warms my heart.

So back to the friend zone bit, is it worth knowing someone properly? Yes. Is the friend zone a negative place to be? No! Being friends for 2 years allowed us to grow as individuals, to evolve, to go through changes in our lives and see if after all that we still had a connection. It has paid off! So if someone has you in their 'friend zone', don't worry. If you are meant to be you will! And if you aren't mean to be then you still get a wonderful friendship! The friend zone is the best place I've ever been.

Stay tuned, there is more of this story to come.......

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( photo by Taylor Hernandex on Unsplash)