The Fox and I

I was walking in the park that afternoon, bored and distracted, when I suddenly saw her there, lying idly on the grass. I got mesmerised in a second. Obviously, she was enjoying a sunbath in that peaceful spot and a gorgeous day at its best.

'I'm going to stay here for a while', I whispered to my companions and dismissed them with a wave, as I wanted to leave me there alone. I didn't want to wake her up. She opened her eyes, though, scanned me quickly, then returned to her routine. It didn't seem to bother her that I was there. 'Great', I said to myself, and I laid down on the grass, too, leaving one meter in between us. I was suddenly filled with anticipation and excitement.

I stood there with my eyes closed, listening to her breath and to mine. The birds were singing and the wind was cuddling the grass. Oh, it was pure heaven! I was not afraid at all. I was finally at peace, completely relaxed, after such a long time, and I could also feel a sort of invisible bondage between us.

After a while, I decided to speak up, though. I simply wanted more than that and I was ready to push my luck for it. 'You're lovely', I said to make a start. No reply.

‘Of course, foxes don’t talk to humans, do they? Why would they waste their intelligence?’ Nothing.

'Well, at least I'll pretend that you're a good listener. It's better to open up to you, free of charge, rather than pay a psychologist for a counselling session. There's nobody else here and, somehow, I trust you. It sounds silly to talk to a fox and even if animals could talk, trusting a fox is foolish, as foxes are well-known for being cunning. I know that, but I don't care. I need to talk. Otherwise, I'm going to explode! I wouldn't trust anyone else.'

I turned to look at her, almost screamed and jumped up. She was looking at me with her pupils largely opened.

'Oh my days, you're listening! Or are you going to attack me?' I paused for a few seconds, waiting for that fast move, that sharp bite, that severe pain, and my blood everywhere on the grass. Nothing like that followed. I kept talking then, this time a bit more timid and quite scared:

‘I’m sorry I’ve disturbed you. I just wanted to talk to you so badly. I know it’s crazy, but I couldn’t help it, no idea why. I desperately need it, I guess.'

Embarrassingly enough, some tears arrived on the scene to add even more flavour to my attempt at a historic reconciliation between humans and animals. She was still looking at me attentively, waiting, and I still didn't know what for. I sighed then collapsed back on the grass. I closed my eyes and started to cry. I felt down and lost.

‘Have you exhausted all your family and friends, though, or you just wanted something different for a change?’

I opened my eyes in shock and the tears stopped suddenly. Instead of seeing the sky above me, though, I saw the snout of an adorable fox and two eyes like two black pearls staring at me. She was looking at me with innocence, with no intention to harm me. However, my heart was pumping out of control and I was terrified.

‘I like your courage’, she continued. ‘You’ve had the guts to lay down next to me. I could have attacked you. I don’t like intruders, I don’t trust humans easily and I definitely don’t like to be disturbed when I relax. More than that, I appreciate you’ve apologised. Humans don’t apologise to animals, as they never make mistakes, do they? You’re one of a kind, girl! So, speak up, what’s the matter?’

Still trembling, I opened my mouth and said whatever came first to my mind: 'I'm losing my job, and I don't know what to do.'

'Do I look like a jobcentre or recruitment agency to you? Do you want me to fix your CV, teach you how to write a cover letter, and search for jobs with you, or what?'

‘No, not at all, but how on earth do you know about all that?’

‘We know very well what humans do. Unfortunately, we live here, with you, guys, and we had to learn. So we've been researching on you the whole history. It’s been interesting and sometimes nice to explore, but most of the time painful and extremely disappointing.’

'I'm sorry to hear that. Do you despise me, though? Do you think I'm weak?'

'No, I've just given you a chance. I know about many things, but I don't know much about you as a person. I don't jump to despise people without evidence. It's easier for us to get to know humans, our senses help. We don’t make assumptions like people often do.’

‘What are your senses telling you about me right now?’

'You're so afraid of everything. And you're not a grown-up. That's why I'm talking to you. Animals usually don’t talk to adults, only to children at heart. Children believe. Children have some innocence left.’

‘That’s not good news to me. I mean, I’m an adult, too, I guess.’

'I know. Your pride doesn't let you enjoy being a child. Your fear paralyses you when you go through a crisis. Life is tough over here. It's not easy to lose somebody you love, be lonely, or lose a job. That's part of life. You can move on and there're many ways to get through. Just don't be terrified; stand up and keep going.'

‘Why are you talking like that? I’ve only told you about my job.’

'We sense the loneliness, aggression, grief, and lack of love. You're filled with all these like a balloon. So let it fly and go away, my dear!'

Her wet snout touched my forehead gently. That was magic! I closed my eyes, tears filled my eyes again and I let them water the grass. I wasn't embarrassed anymore and couldn't care less, anyway.

'I don't know what to do, where to go. That 'listen to your heart stuff' doesn't work anymore. I'm frozen. My family and friends are far away and there's no way back to them for me. What if I’m not able to pay the bills? What if I lose somebody dear to me? What if I get sick? What if I end up alone for the rest of my life? I can't laugh anymore. Every day is a nightmare; every night is a day without rest and moonlight.’

‘That sounds like a terrible self-pity party. Stop it!’

‘You’re not compassionate at all right now; you’re so harsh.’

'It doesn't help you to put it like that. It's too negative. Yes, all these can happen. In a blink of an eye, or one after another. But where is the good part, courage, fight, and hope in all these? You've poisoned me with your negativity and I bet you’re doing this with all those you meet. At a certain point, it’ll poison and cripple you, too. If you keep going like that, you’ll lose the battle. That would be a pity - you’re too young for that.’

‘What’s the solution, though?’

'That perception of loneliness is a form of arrogance in disguise. We're never alone in the Universe. Look around you, in nature. Nothing and nobody lives in nature for itself - it contributes to the welfare of others, in a way or another, sooner or later. Unfortunately, only humans are incredibly selfish, impatient, and arrogant. It amazes me to witness that day after day!'

She kept on speaking passionately: 'It's a circle. Just get into it, do your part to the best, and wait with patience. Then, from somewhere, when you expect less, solutions will come because there is always a wheel of care and love. You are loved! You aren’t alone! Even when you can’t see it or touch it, you must believe it’s there for you!’

'I wish I could. This sounds like fantasy to me. Maybe you imagine a different, idealistic world, but the reality is life sucks!'

"Yes, but not everything is lost. Darkness hasn't conquered all, everything, and everyone. Look at you: here you are, trying to befriend a fox! You still believed that something like that could happen when you stopped here today. You must continue to believe that good overcomes, no matter how bad and tough the situation is right now! In the end, it’s going to be OK.‘

‘How am I going to make it through that point?’

‘Don’t be afraid anymore. Look up, and see the sky, day and night. Look around, see the cycle of nature, embrace that love, and be love. On top of it, just smile! You’re so beautiful when you do that. All humans are beautiful when they smile.’

I gazed at her in amazement.

‘You remind me the Little Prince fox, you know.’

‘I don’t know that fox, but if I’d belong to somebody else, I’d not be here, now, with you. Why can’t you believe that good things can happen to you too, not only to others?’

Her paw touched my hand. I opened my palm, then her head found rest there for a bit. With my other hand I patted her head softly. I felt something warm around me, like the hug of a best friend not seen for a long time. I felt, as never before, immense joy and something else: hope.

'You're a wise and kind fox, a special one, do you know that? Thank you.' She closed her eyes and didn't say anything else. Still, in that expression, she was smiling as beautifully as only a fox can.

The sun left the park and went for a walk towards the other side of the city. When I opened my eyes I couldn't see anyone next to me or around me. Searching attentively through the grass, I could recognise the shape of a small body, and a few meters further down the alley, her footprints. She was there. She was real; it hadn’t been just a dream. Perhaps a fox had been there, but I had fallen asleep and dreamt that I had had a conversation with her. Who cares? I left the park singing, jumping, dancing, and making noise: like a child.

In the days that followed, I behaved as if I wasn't afraid of anything anymore. Then, things got worse and worse. I lost somebody very dear to me, I lost a job, I got another, I lost that, too. I got sick; I had moments when I thought I'd not make it, but I remembered those words.

I continued to believe. I kept on knocking on many different doors and trying. I never gave up.

It’s OK. One thing I know for sure: I’m not alone, no matter what, and neither are you.

Please, just look around, let love embrace you, be kind, don’t be afraid anymore, and… SMILE.