The dying art of letter writing....

I’m going to write you a letter, not an email, not a message ... a letter. You know, pen, paper, postal service..Problem is, I don’t have your address ...I’ve never needed it. I’d fire off a text or meet you in the pub... never really needed to know exactly where you resided...oh well maybe I can give it to a mutual acquaintance to hand to you, so you too can know what it is to rip open an envelope and feel crisp writing paper in your hands, and the anticipation of what the missive might say... or perhaps the option of ripping it up or screwing it into a ball without glancing at it. Come to think of it that’s probably what you’ll choose to do. No matter, I’m going to write you a letter anyway.

It’s hard to write a letter to a stranger, because let’s face it, that’s what you are now.. and a hostile one at that. It’s actually hard to recall how well we used to get on. Why then do I feel like I want to write you a letter? That’s a good question.. and there a few different answers, but the first point I’d make while I’m pouring out my thoughts and opinions.. is that I don’t want anything from you. No attacks, no taking up more than a tiny sliver of your time, about as long as it would take to read this epistle and let the message land, no “validation”, nothing. So you can breathe easy on that point. Ideally, I’d like you to engage for that sliver, but if you don’t then that says more about you than me writing this letter will say about me.

Writing letters, it’s often been said is an art, an art that is sadly dying due to the snappy convenience of email and goodness knows, even that is becoming “old hat”. Modern communication channels are taking away the emotion and that tactility of snail mail. . The quickly dashed off email, text, or my personal bête noire, messenger loses out on the conveyance of emotion, and for me the effort for the ones we care about and the sentiments that are connected to the art of letter writing.

For me too ... the nostalgia of receiving writing and reading letters. Mostly they were looked forward to being received, ok, sometimes dreaded but were always so much more meaningful that the quick instantaneous mistake riddled note accompanied with an imperative “ping”

Your generation is already missing out on a lot so.. whether you appreciate it or not.. I’m writing this letter so you can have that experience. And maybe understand a few things... that I’m guessing you have not grasped.

I may be wrong but I don’t think it’s been appreciated that I acknowledged where my behaviour was wrong... the fact that I was provoked did not excuse it. I apologised. It was however something that was entirely avoidable. I think that was what was hard for me. The fact is that, yes my behaviour wasn’t great... I will say I was trying hard to be a decent friend. However I felt I failed. That’s why I decided I didn’t have any right to continue our contact, or only as a very remote and nebulous connection at most. I tried to talk about this quite a few times and was given no space to do so and was asked to be quiet.. I even wrote out how I was feeling, not in a letter but in one of those soulless instant messages ....an appalling setting for the delivery of difficult and delicate emotional discussions... and of course this was received with uncomprehending bemusement...

Would it being handled in a letter have been any better? I believe it still would have been a poor second to a face to face discussion.. which due to the somewhat wrongful beliefs you held you would not grant me. However, it might have given enough pause to allow understanding to filter through. I was existing with two competing ideas battling within, I knew which direction to go as I hadn’t been the friend I promised.. and I wasn’t sure I could become that. Given all the circumstances there was only one choice.

I certainly appreciate the fact that your idea of friendship isn’t bound by convention. I don’t appreciate being threatened particularly as I had no intention at any time to trouble you further having infringed a boundary when I promised I would not. There are many more factors at play. And wrong though I was ..I believe I was treated with excessive harshness... and the trouble is you can issue this verbal cruelty all too easily these days. Couple of clicks with the thumbs ... and the destruction is assured. Writing a letter helps take the heat out of a moment.. before permanent damage is done. Anyway I’d already promised to go.. you surely wanted me to do so ....so it was as they say a completely unnecessary sledgehammer to batter a nut into oblivion.

Anyway who are you now? I’ve no idea. You think you knew me ..you actually never did. One thing I will never have disputed is that I tried and wanted to be the friend you wished for .. I did not want to let you down. That things played out the way they did was a big disappointment to me. That whole time was unsettling and obviously had an expiration time ... things would have been very different if our association had in fact continued. That ...I was already planning for. Sorry, that in addition to everything else... I couldn’t get “things through my system” fast enough.

Anyway, dear hostile stranger, I hope this missive finds you well. Those days are far behind us. Referring to them still, for me helps my creativity and healing. On various fronts. And I can focus all my attention where it needs to be.It’s all good.

You can burn this letter now.

Yours