The Difference Between Crazy and Cray-Cray

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Does everyone know the difference between crazy and cray-cray? I feel like crazy means that someone is kinda odd, out there, and open with their weirdness. Then there’s cray-cray which means this person is someone you slowly back away from while making a non threatening face and then running away like Usain Bolt when they’re distracted.

Women are called cray-cray more often then men, in my own experience anyway, and you know why? Men are primarily the reason we women go cray-cray. Before I hear you say "not all men...", I agree a portion of men that roam the world do not make women go down that prozac destined road. The men that choose to date a woman who have been pushed to that brink are a rare breed, indeed. Let me explain how women can go from reasonable to insane.

I once dated a guy who made me go cray-cray and it was a slow descent into madness. We would make cocktails with dinner sometimes and I love whiskey so that would go into anything I made, and he would never taste it. He would primarily drink vanilla cake flavored vodka, if that flavor sounds new to you go to Ralph’s and look at the back of the bottom shelf where they shove all the bottles that are so cheap you're ashamed to buy it because then the cashier looks at you like “are you okay?”. Meanwhile there I am pouring two fingers Jack Daniels in a glass and calling that a cocktail. So for about a year, those are our drinks. Then he goes to a concert and when he gets home proceeds to tell me how the drummer was drinking jack Daniels straight from the bottle between songs and how the lead singer took away the bottle and started pouring it in the mouths of people who were standing at the stage. He got a mouthful of whiskey and said it was the best drink in his life and whiskey was the only thing he’d drink from now on.

Here I was coaxing him to try it for a year and all I really had to do was learn to play an instrument, join a band, make the band semi popular, get a medocre record label deal, go on tour, and just pour it into his open mouth. Obviously I’m the one who fucked up. He proceeded to tell me that his palette for whiskey was more refined than mine and that he could drink more than me. I went crazy after that incident.

I went cray-cray about a year later when we went to New York City together and he threw a fit in line for Phantom of the Opera. I asked for one thing and it was to see that play on Broadway which he was all for when we were planning the trip because he liked the movie. But all through dinner and waiting in line and in the lobby, he was pissed. Kept saying how we could have saved money by just watching the movie at home and how the play probably wasn’t even that good and that I paid too much for the seats which were still in the nosebleeds. Nevermind that my grandfather, who I was very closed to, had died six months earlier and left me money to buy the tickets because he knew how much I wanted to see the play on Broadway. And the minute the play ended, this man did nothing, NOTHING, but rave about it.

For the rest of the trip he stopped by the theater and ticket sale counter at our hotel to see if we could buy tickets for another show. We spent a whole fucking day making a video of him dancing up and down Broadway to show tunes to show the world how much he loved Phantom of the Opera. And there I am, eye twitching, trying to not break his neck because I didn’t want to go through the hassle of shipping his body back home.

Can you imagine that though? You go to a show with someone who said they wanted to go and then for four hours does nothing but complain and stand there arms crossed and glaring and sulking. And then it’s like they’ve been back handed by Andrew Lloyd Weber and it shifts the world back into balance for them. Then when we got back home, he did nothing but say how grateful he was we saw the show and if I mentioned the tantrum he would deny it.

That’s how women go cray-cray, people. Men whine and bitch and moan until they experience something and then once the act is experienced, they act like it was their plan all along. Lord, I’m craving a bottle of wine just thinking about all the times men have done that to me. I could write a compendium of books on all the ways I've been gaslighted or just driven mad by men I've dated, and I've only dated five people in my life.

There’s those kinda men and then we have the nice guys, but don’t be fooled they will still make you crazy. I’m dating this guy and one day I snapped at him, I was having a bad day and he kept asking me questions while I was working on something else that I needed to focus on and I yelled at him to go away. I immediately regretted it and after an hour to calm down and finish my work, we sat down and I apologized. And he looked at me and said that I didn’t need to apologize, that he was sorry for interrupting me and disturbing my work and that he will try not to do it again. Then asked me if I still needed space to relax and calm down.

My brain malfunctioned, because every other time in my life where I had been doing something and snapped, the other person always made me feel horrible and I’d have to do penance to make up for it. One time a guy came to my job with me to help me, he volunteered, and all he had to do was sort papers in a numerical order and I was literally running around trying to fix computers. While I was tearing apart a tower he came up and started chit-chatting with me. Here I am trying to fix one computer tower with parts from another as quickly as I can so another volunteer could cash out customers and he wanted to talk about this new show he started watching. I snapped and told him to go away. I had to bake brownies for a month and watch a stupid show to make up for snapping at him.

Meanwhile here’s this guy who told me it was his fault for making me snap and that he wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie to apologize. Do you see how we’re suspicious of guys like that? I was sitting there across the table and was thinking to myself “okay so what’s his plan? Why is he being so nice? Did he do something? Does he really understand or is he just saying that? This fucker has a plan up his sleeve.” And he didn’t. Every time we went out for a month after that incident I was suspicious. He’d be like “so I wanna ask you something” and I’d be thinking “okay here’s my penance for snapping, this is what he’s been waiting for and he’s gonna call this in.” And he asked me if I wanted dessert with dinner. And honestly I don’t understand why anyone has to ask that, yes I want dessert. Even if I don’t eat it then I’m taking it with me.