The Darkest Hours are Just Before Dawn

When the day fades away, when all quiets down, when the dark falls…

Those desperate thoughts muffled by humdrum and ordinary routine bustle in the daylight resurface.

Amplified by the silence of the night those thoughts keep churning in your head, desperate and grim, rendering no solution or a way out.

Is there, a way out?

It doesn’t seem it exists here, in this country of yours.

In this country too many people are respected and envied for the wealth they acquired from receiving bribes, from deceit and fraud. While the rest of the world consider those actions a crime, here, in this country it’s a norm. There’s almost no way to become wealthy otherwise unless it’s inherited from several generations.

If so, what choices do you have?

To join the squadrons of online fraudsters? To harm the trusting people by pouring out fake love and extort the money under a false pretense? To crush hopes and dreams of those trusting people? To take part in the rituals involving bloody sacrifices so the clients would fall under their full control? And later to boast about the profits and post pictures of jewelry, fancy clothes and cars bought with scammed money for anyone to see and be envious?

Or possibly, to befriend a foreigner online and beg them to bring you to their comfortable country, offering yourself, your body and mind, in return. If that was successful, soon after you were fully established in that country, your host would be easily dismissed and forgotten by you.

Sure, it will pay off, walking that lane. But it’s a battle with your conscience: “What if it was you in victim’s place”. Many people do not believe in karma like you do, but it’s obvious, whatever you do, good or bad, has a way of creeping back at you with twofold weight and volume, and you can't avert the wrath whether it’s payback for your wrongs or your good deeds.

Even a possibility of becoming a fraudster sickens you. And you try to turn your mind to what’s possible in this country, legit and righteous.

You can farm, earning few dollars a month, if your crops are not destroyed by flood, drought, or herds deliberately led onto your land.

You can do manual work, in construction for example, earning the same few dollars a month, like a farmer could get.

You can get a job at some business, provided you have someone to bring you in or you agree to work for free for half a year, giving your salary to a manager who hired you. Or pay a bribe to be hired if you have any money.

University grad, intelligent and agile, you try your best on various freelancers’ and side hustle websites. But guess what, NO ONE is willing to offer a project to you, a citizen of a country with bad reputation.

You are at the verge of losing hope for finding yourself, your place in this world. You are not a weakling, nor you shy away of hard work. It seems like you were led into a tunnel that has no exit and no light at the end to show you: this way out. Your thoughts feel just the same. They don’t show which way you need to follow; they do not provide the light of resolution. These are your darkest hours when you feel desperate and doubtful.

You go on with daily things. You wake up, you cook when there’s anything to cook from, you talk to people, you smile. No one can see that inferno on your mind, no one knows what you go through.

But

You are strong. You will make it. The darkest hours are just before dawn.