The Body Wants Sex, The Heart Wants Love, But my Soul needs Peace.

I'm having a day! I woke up this morning and my account was overdrafted. If you are one of my followers, you know that I am sober. One of the most underrated aspects of sobriety is the peace that comes with not lying to people, not stealing from friends or family. No lawyer, probation officer or cop is looking for me. I owe no one money. It's quite a lovely existence actually. I'm almost 52 years old. I'm not in high school. I'm done with drama - for real. I should've been done with it years ago, but I was an addict. No one has more drama than an addict - it's just the way it goes. I got sick of my own drama, so I'm sure as shit not putting up with yours. Like I said, I'm having a day. I'm done with one-sided friendships, drama queens, energy vampires, and needy girls. I'm almost 52, but please don't wait until your as old as me to hear this - no amount of money, no one person, no job, is going to bring you peace until you are at peace with yourself.

I'm not going to lie to you, it gets really lonely working on yourself, but loneliness isn't a bad thing. I have found strength I never knew I had, I've discovered talents I never knew I had, and I would rather be alone than be in a relationship that makes me feel lonely. The difference between loneliness and solitude is whether or not you enjoy it, and almost all the time, I enjoy it. I have found quite the passion in writing; I love reading, and quite frankly, I don't suffer fools very well. I'm about to publish a book that I hope some of you will enjoy. I've learned a lot about myself getting sober. I'm a shy awkward person, but getting less so every day. As I said, I've found a strength a didn't know I had and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm also not everyone's cup of tea, but quite frankly, that's one of my best qualities. As Kurt Cobain said, "you laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same." Don't mess with me either. You will lose every. single. time.

I know I should be above revenge, but I feel like if it is earned, revenge is the wrong word. Paybacks are a bitch as they say. Let me illustrate. I had a co-worker friend that swindled my mother out of forty thousand dollars. Forty large and this was in 99 when that bought more than it does now. But if I'm having a day over 500 bucks, you can imagine how I reacted to my MOTHER being swindled out of this much money.

So, I went to every bar in town and bought off the bartenders. I paid each bartender to tell him he was no longer welcome in the bar. The bartender isn't loyal to you, in case you wondering, they will turn on you for a twenty, and they did when I ran my old friend out of town. He also didn't claim the forty grand on his taxes, so I politely informed the IRS that he was committing tax fraud. He may have briefly been able to pay his bills with that forty grand, but he lost his friends, his lost his hometown bar, he lost his privacy and I got the IRS after him. This isn't revenge though. He earned that from messing with my mother. Like I said, don't mess with me. You will lose every. single. time.

But I digress, as now I feel I'm being a drama queen and that story only illustrates what I will do if you disturb my peace. I'm trying to save you the trouble that you will learn as you get older. Getting drunk every night, treating yourself for every little thing, not being able to stand on your own two feet - well it just isn't cute anymore!

I've grown up a lot in sobriety. I got sick of my own bullshit, so I'm not putting up with yours. The sooner you get on board with this philsophy, the happier you will be. And I repeat, no one is going to disturb my peace. I like a peaceful existence, I sleep well at night, I'm proud of myself, and most importantly, I'm happy. No amount of money, no person, no job, is going to bring you peace. Find your peace and hold on to it for dear life. That's exactly what I'm doing.

I don't feel lonely in my own little world. I'd rather be lonely than be powerless in your world! I'm powerless over alcohol and pills, not people. And because I have focused on myself, my addiction is in remission. I would rather be sober than be a billionaire. I'm doing fantastic compared to the life I thought I would have. Fourteen year old me is very happy with 52 year old me right now. If you question my sincerity to my sobriety, I wrote soulmates vs. sobriety a long time ago. I will pick sobriety over a soulmate on any given day. It's just too peaceful. There is no war going inside my head and that quite frankly, is priceless.

Writing is very cathartic for me, but I do hope to impart some wisdom as I go. Thank you for reading and for your support.