The Beginning of An End

Still standing on the balcony in a trans my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of rain. It had begun to fall. There was a slight blow in the wind. I take in a big breath of fresh air before going inside. It was a bit lonely there. Xavier had already left. I'm guessing he tucked his dick between his legs and ran straight back to that whore of a woman I considered more than a best friend. I loved her as though she was my sister. How could she? How dare they do this to me. With my mind racing I began to think out loud. "What the fuck is wrong with people?" The Bastard and the Bitch are meant to be, that was some fucked up shit they did to me. Xavier wasn't just a boyfriend. He was my fiancé. We were set to be married in less than 2 months. Almost everything was ready. I have my dress and he has his tuxedo. Why would he even put himself in this position if he knew his intention was to never marry me. They will rot in hell for this. Still thinking out loud tears began to roll down my cheeks. Then they were streams. I don't think I have ever cried this hard. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. My heart hurts. I feel angry, sad and abandoned. The two people I thought had my back betrayed me. I have no one. I feel as though I'm lost out here in life. Not only that, but I didn't want to pity myself but at that point I felt as though I deserved some. I cried until my head began to hurt. I picked myself up from the floor. Still feeling light-headed I managed to plant my feet firmly on the floor, making my way to the bathroom, I found a pack if powdered aspirins. I hate taking pills plus powder gets to the system quicker. As much as I hate taking pills I hate having a headache even more. With a gulp of water I quickly downed the aspirin. What a nasty aftertaste but it rids a headache. I just stood there looking at myself in the mirror. My skin was the color of chocolate. So smooth to the touch. I take pride in that. I looked deeper, and I could see the sadness in my dark brown eyes. I could also see the quiver in my luscious lips. They trembled a little from me having cried so much and so hard. I take a step back to view my entire figure I stand about four feet eleven inches tall. I weight a hundred and 115 pounds soak and wet. I have always been small. And I, for one, love it. I love everything about me. Flaws and all. I gathered myself and walked into my bedroom. Upon entering the room I noticed how much more still everything seemed. The rain had stopped. The breeze was still there but the sounds of nature were back on. As I was closing the door balcony door I had to fight the urge to jump across my bed and cry myself to sleep. I didn't want to wallow. I decided I'd rather take a long hot bubble bath with some lit candles. May as well throw in a blunt of marijuana and glass of wine while I'm at it. I have to get myself together. I have to figure out what to do now. I have a wedding to call off. How am I to explain that. I should just forward everyone's call to him, so he can explain his callus act. I can't think about that right now. It didn't take me long to draw my bath and get my blunt rolled and wine poured. Normally I would have some slow jams ready to play but not tonight. I need complete silence. I need to be alone with my thoughts. I have to figure out some things… I got the candles lit. Careful not to slip up I eased my way into the tub. Bubbles pouring over the sides because I may have used too much bubble soap. The water is nice and hot. The heat seems to be soothing my aching body. I take a big sip, then another, then another before lighting my blunt. The water isn't too high, and I'm not laying to low to ensure it doesn't get wet. My ashtray next to my wine glass are rested on the side of the tub. I'm still amazed at the size. I think two of me can fit in here at once. The first couple puffs put my mind at a fraction of ease. I continued to soak, smoke and sip. Before long my mind was back on the situation at hand. Not wanting to disturb my peace or blow my high I decided to sleep on everything. But there was one thing I had already decided upon. I'm going to take their life, but leave them breathing of course. I slid the thought to the back of my mind for safe keeping. I relaxed even more. With my wine in one hand and my blunt in the other I soaked my body let my imagination run wild. My next move will be my best move.