The Art of Revisiting (Version 3)

"One step forward, two steps back."

It's a familiar enough phrase that encompasses a view which is either pessimistic or realistic, depending on where you stand.

The phrase suggests that for every positive thing that happens, for every successful event or change in your life, there are twice as many negative events and unsuccessful flops.

For example: You get that promotion you've been working for, the one with the higher pay rate! But then 1) your car stops working and 2) you realize that the new position comes with extra stress which you're not sure you can handle.

One step forward, two steps back.

Here's another: You begin a new relationship, which seems great. But then 1) your diet is totally ruined because suddenly you're going out to eat all the time and 2) you get into arguments that you wouldn't have to deal with if you were single.

One step forward, two steps back.

It's easy to see how, sometimes, life takes this pattern. However, when it comes to patterns, we're pretty good at seeing what we're looking for. Yes, there are many examples of one step forward, two steps back. But that's not all there is to life, obviously, or we'd never get anywhere! So I'd like to propose that there is an additional segment to the pattern, something different to look for and work towards. This version of the pattern is my personal resolution for the year, the way I'd like to try to think. Here it is:

One step forward, two steps back. Three(ish) steps forward. Repeat.

The first two portions of the pattern are the same as explained above. We take one step forward, do something that seems like it's helping us move toward our goals, but then BAM! We're pushed two steps back. Things happen that are beyond our control, or we make realizations that make us feel like our forward progress has been reversed.

Here's where things get interesting: part three. Three(ish) steps forward.

Admittedly, I picked the number three because it sounds nice. One step, two step, three step, whee! But the (ish) is very important here. I think this part can take as many steps or as few as necessary. I think it can lead different people to different places.

These threeish steps forward are not the same as the "one" step forward. That one step? That's taken with some confidence, some enthusiasm, some knowledge or expectation of success. That's receiving the promotion, making a new relationship official.

No, these threeish steps are not like that. These are tentative. Shuffling. Their goal is not to leap into new territory, but rather to move forward again over ground that has already been covered in two different directions, forward and backward. The threeish steps, they are used to either move us back to where we were or to a new path. These steps can best be taken when we have stopped and considered what it was that forced us backward. Knowing what we now know, we tentatively step forward, trying to problem solve and synthesize information as we go. It is by revisiting where we have been, coming to an understanding, and then recovering the same ground in a different way that we are then able to plan out where to place our next forward step.

Then, when we're feeling stable again, we come to the final addition to the pattern: Repeat. We take a newly confident first step . . . and then back we go, once again.

That's what I want to do this year. I want to take steps and, when I inevitably face the hardships and pushbacks, I want to learn from them, work through them, and balance myself again before using that information to take a new "first step." In this way, I'll continue learning, growing, and moving forward.

At this point, you may be wondering; what does this have to do with the #200 challenge? I've shared a nice personal resolution, perhaps, but not really anything to do with my plans for this year on Vocal.

My answer is that this entire process has everything to do with the #200 challenge. It was because of a different submission to this challenge that I recognized this pattern which I wish to follow, and it was by following this pattern that I came not only to this article, but to my Vocal resolutions for the year. That process is as follows, and it will hopefully serve as an adequate example of the process One step forward, Two steps back. Three(ish) steps forward. Repeat.

So. An example of this process, and my reasoning for my Vocal resolutions, are as follows.

One Step Forward

When I first read these challenge guidelines, an idea popped right into my head. I'd write an acrostic poem about writing! The poem, titled "Resolutions," was fun to write and included some very real sentiments. It is included here for reference:

*******

What I intend to do this year on Vocal,

Really,

Is simply

To be

Encouraged.

*

Justify and

Understand the

Still-present urge

To write,

*

Which I sometimes must be

Reminded of.

I

Too often allow it to fade, but

Even a few words can make it spark.

*******

As an acrostic, the poem spells out "Write, Just Write." I thought, "Now there's a worthy resolution!" I was proud of the poem, proud of the way its predictions and feelings came true even as I wrote it down. Even when I realized that its whopping 47-word count was far below the required 500-word minimum for the challenge, I hit submit, thinking to myself, "Well, isn't this perfect? I'm doing exactly what I resolved to do. I'm writing, just writing, even if it's not exactly what I'm supposed to be writing." And when that story, that submission I didn't even think would make it into the contest, became a Top Story?

That definitely felt like one step forward. What a way to start the year! Positive comments and feelings of pride quickly followed.

But then . . .

Two Steps Back.

As is true probably of many such reverses, my backwards steps were self-imposed. Sure, my poem had been submitted to the challenge and sure, it had received a Top Story position, but 1) it probably wasn't going to give me a chance at that top prize due to its word count and 2) I know myself well enough to recognize that the content of the poem was really not much of a resolution, for me anyway. It's not "just writing" that I have trouble with. It's sticking with something, revising it, revisiting it, making it make sense and be the best that it can be, that I have trouble with.

I don't want to "write, just write." I want to write books. I want to create whole, beautiful, intricate worlds and plotlines. I want to have ideas and follow them to their conclusions instead of letting them sit as disjointed scenes in pretty notebooks.

I had to stop and consider. Did I want to try writing something worthy of winning a spot in the challenge roster? Did I want to genuinely make a resolution or two here on Vocal? Through these considerations and after them, I began with my

Three(ish) Steps Forward

1) I thought through the situation, recognizing, as above, what the flaws in my original sense of triumph were.

2) I decided that I'd write a new entry for the challenge.

3) I decided to make this entry, and other entries for other challenges, more intentional. To commit to them, give myself time to plan them out and really choose to participate fully, and

3ish) I decided that this year, I will work on editing, starting with this very entry, the entry you're reading right now.

So There You Have It.

You can see how my newly identified pattern--one step forward, two steps back, threeish steps forward, repeat--brought me to my newest Vocal resolutions, which are "Be More Intentional" and "Edit."

This piece is a testament to those resolutions. In its original form, it was far different from what you see here. I wrote a draft of it yesterday, completed at 11:59 pm, and I wrote in it that I planned to edit the piece today.

I had no idea how much of a revamp I had in store for myself, and I can only guess how much more could be done tomorrow if I had allowed myself more time for careful consideration. But I think I'm still in the threeish phase of my pattern. Still taking tentative steps. By backtracking and really considering where I was, I'm able to start making some forward motion, even if I don't know what my next big step will be.

To anyone who has read this far, I'd like to thank you for your time. I honestly don't know if this article makes any sense. It's something new for me because it's not something safe. It's not something that I have much confidence in, or something that I can just say, oh, it is what it is, I just wrote something and hit submit. It's something I really had to ponder, consider, and revisit, and I know it could be done better. But that, I suppose, is all part of the process.

I wonder if you'll consider joining me this year--

When you take your one step forward-s, enjoy them! Ride their waves of excitement, be proud of yourself for how far you've come!

And when you get knocked back with those two-steppers? Don't think that's the end of the pattern. Use that extra trip over familiar ground to consider what went wrong, what might need to change, how you can do better. It's ok to revisit where you've been while you figure out where you're going.

Then start taking your threeish steps toward wherever it is that you're headed next.

Here's to the next step. Happy 2024!

*********

(P. S. - See, right here? --> (LALALA). That set of parentheses was empty the first time I worked on this piece. Clearly things changed the following day! Yay for resolutions.)