The Arrival

Social Shock ~ By Liesel Kippen

The day had finally arrived. I was leaving my roots, my neighbourhood, my province, my country and my home. I was leaving South Africa to immigrate to Australia. A sudden feeling of fear, pain, sadness and loneliness engulfed me. I was going to a foreign land; one where I had never been to before. My feelings and emotions of an immigrant were hard to describe at the time; anguish, pain, hope, uncertainty, dismay…a number of feelings which I could n’t quite put my finger on. I think back to the initial moments, where a sudden vision of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, vividly flashed through my mind. With sunken ideas and a myriad of thoughts frantically finding room space in my head, I envisaged the suffering and hardships that were soon to follow. I was about to start again, at the ripe old age of 35 years. Youthfulness was no longer my fervent companion. Instead, signs of old age had started to appear and tiredness from constant re-orientations had found a comfortable corner in my being. Starting again from scratch in a foreign country, with no family or friends, and without a job, left me feeling drained and overcome with immense uncertainty and dread. I was left wondering whether this was a leap in faith or an idiotic decision made by a crazed fool. Either way, I was about to find out. With much of my belongings packed safely into a container headed for Australia, I left with my 2 boys, aged 1 and 3 years, and a number of bags, which would become my only possessions for a while, until my belongings in the container finally reached Australia’s shores. With barely enough to start a new life with in my new country, I embarked on my journey. Feeling forlorn and careful not to show my fear to my kids, I wearily settled into my new life. My children could not see their mother, who was usually in control of most situations that life threw at her, feeling completely helpless and powerless. They needed to be comfortable and at ease with this life-changing decision that I had made. They needed to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that their mum knew what she was doing and had the situation, however mammoth it was, under control.

The flight was uncomfortable to say the least. Squashed in a seat that was a number of sizes too small for me, or so it seemed, with my 2 boys extremely exhausted from a 23- hour flight, and having changed aircrafts 3 times, made the trip even more unbearable.

As we arrived on Australian soil, we were consumed with a new way of living. From an unfamiliar accent that took a long while to get used to, to the manner in which individuals from South Africa were treated in this foreign land, were all too much to absorb at the time and are memories that have been etched in my mind and have left a somewhat indelible mark. Our first moments on Australian soil bring to mind curious glares which bore right through our souls at the time. We smiled carefully and cautiously, not knowing what to expect. Confronting and bold questions followed, as every part of us was scrutinized and analysed. “Where do you come from?” “What tribe do you belong to?” “What language do you speak?” “You are not black-black, so what are you?” A frown creased my brow as I deliberated and cogitated over those words. “Had I made the wrong decision to emmigrate and was it worth it?” While this huge exodus was a deep desire for answered prayers, it also left a dullness and an aching sensation that tore to shreds my feelings. A sadness second to none gripped every fibre of my being. It was a sombre moment and emotionally draining.

Our initial months in our new home were far from easy. Our life lacked luxury and comfort. Suffering and hardships were all over us like a rash; a plague. Pain, anguish, remorse and turmoil flooded my senses as memories of my former life and flashes of significant occurrences in my life that I had left behind, strayed from my sunken eyes. These deep-seated scars would be forever embedded in memory and will haunt me, mentally, physically and emotionally. Time stood still for a brief moment as the anguish and pain flooded my senses and continuously mocked and reminded me of my old life and daunting moments experienced in my new life. Patches and shreds of my former life kept bubbling to the surface and served as remnants of my past life. I lifted my chin pugnaciously and determined within myself that I was going to endure and give it my best shot. I had no other option, but to be strong and to survive. My journey from South Africa’s untamed landscapes to a freer, better life started here and I determined within myself to go forth with vigour, determination and resilience, with new aspirations and new beginnings. Will matters get better from here on end…only time will tell!