I thought we were forever, thought once our flowers were planted, we would be strong roots in the soil, but all along we were rotting. I knew you were different, your eyes didn’t smile anymore, your heart didn’t race when I put my tiny head to your chest. I was naive, I was a child, still in love with the idea of love, that immature love. When I gave myself to you, my whole world was complete, I felt as if I could tackle the strongest animal, but that strength was masked with false pride, it was a lie.
Those soft caresses, the lips on mine, the entangling of our panted breaths enshrouding the room in a sticky and steamy lust. We didn’t stop till morning, I never wanted to stop, I wanted the time to be forever. After my body was enraptured, my innocence stolen like a thief in the night, he didn’t care. He didn’t kiss me anymore, at least grab my ass, tell me that I was sexy, tell me so I could keep being in my own fantasy, an illusion.
Then after school, in the gym after cheerleading tryouts, I saw them.
She was pretty, tall, had hair of spun gold and a shape that was carved from marble, her hand ran through his long brown hair, her arms hanging onto him like she would drown without his hold. She kissed him deeply, he kissed her back, those lips exchanging saliva, those lips together in deep intimacy.
My legs couldn’t move, they were like weights, I tried to avert my eyes but couldn’t, I just stood there letting it happen, he didn’t want me anymore. I was a pawn in his game, I was a mere fish in a trap...silly girl, doesn’t know what love is.
I broke up with him the next day, it was after school in the parking lot, the faculty was leaving along with the students, carefully driving out of the gravel-filled lot, enough rocks to fill a beach. I didn’t say I saw him with that girl, I lied, or my heart lied for me. I didn’t look at him during my new, I couldn’t; my already puffy eyes would be a dead giveaway. Before I left him, I told him I loved him, I didn’t believe the words I said though, they were feelings of selfish adolescent love, the love that feels like a thousand doves were flying over your head or make your stomach fill up with a fluttery feeling. Yeah, it wasn’t love, it couldn’t have been, my heart was broken but sat waiting for you to break it in two. The fire was near but I couldn’t run out of its path, the flames, those flames sparked and licked my baby cuts, and then those cuts are now three-degree burns.
I walked into the light and came out holding darkness's hand.
I cried rivers for hours and shed my soft skin, underneath being hard and scaly tiles.
I was now a flower that lost its beauty and vitality, my leaves were adorned with brown spots and chipped edges, I let him get away my heart.
Once a flourishing meadow, is now dead grass. I saw you with her, and I shattered in a million pieces.