Ten Thousand, Nine Hundred & Fifty Apologies.

She sat by the window, staring at the white, crispy snowflakes as they landed on the Alpine hedges that lined the perimeter of the lawn. For every flake that fell, her thoughts ran wild. They ran back to the consciousnesses of the raw feelings she endured. Our lady of Mercy mental and behavioral center is where she finds comfort every few months for the accumulated apprehended trauma she can barely get a grip on.

Briseis Kingswell is twenty-six years old. Her pale Carmel skin covers all the internal flaws of her bruised spirit. Her long brown curly hair crowns her demented introspections of who she is as she still hasn’t figured out life. She still hasn’t found her purpose or reasoning for why she is still alive. Every day she questions why God has allowed her to live and carry the weights of the mishaps life has chosen for her, and the events that still anchor her. The years of the sexual abuse haunt her capabilities of existing on this earth. Barely hanging on the thin thread of life, Our Lady of Mercy gives her a spark at the deep end of the abyss.

As her mind settled into the pureness of snow, her concentration was suddenly interrupted by a black sedan softly breaking in front of the facility. A tall casually dressed woman exited the vehicle carrying a brown suitcase. Briseis poised her attention at the woman as she was greeted by facility staff and entered the building. Moments later, her focus turned back to the falling motion of the snow. Ready to jump back into her contemplation, Briseis decides to get comfortable. She sits on the edge of her bed. From under her pillow, she pulls out a butterfly-themed notebook where she journals everything for cathartic release. Just as her pen touches the leaf for a daily meltdown, she’s interrupted by a knock on her door. “Come in” Briseis gently shouts. A nurse enters and informs her that her psychologist would like to meet promptly. Briseis quickly snugs her butterfly notebook back under her pillow and leaves with the nurse.

Upon entering her psychologist’s office, there were signs of a meeting about to take place with the woman she seen earlier out her window.

Dr. Scott sat behind her glossy cherry wood desk with her hands crossed. She was pleased to see Briseis walk into her office. “Ms. Kingswell, nice of you to join us at such short notice. Please take a seat.” Hesitantly, Briseis walks over to the chair and sits. “What’s this meeting all about?” Asks Briseis. “This is Laney Richmond, and she is an executor. She’s come to… “Who died?” Briseis interrupted. Dr. Scott remained silent and gave Ms. Richmond a soft nod. “Well Ms. Kingswell, I’m handling Mr. Robert Kingswell’s last will.” Briseis suddenly burst into laughter. “Ms. Kingswell…” Said Dr. Scott after she was interrupted. “Briseis, just call me Briseis.” She added with annoyance. “Very well, Briseis. I understand how this can be traumatizing for you, but please listen to Ms. Richmond.

There was a muting pause between all three. Briseis remained silent, as she put her head down and crossed her arms. At that very moment, her mind started to roam wild. Her heart rate began to accelerate and her palms became sweaty but in the back of her thoughts, she wanted to sit for the information Ms. Richmond had for her.

After a few seconds, Briseis calmed her nerves and looked at Ms. Richmond. “What about Robert Kingswell?” She asked. “Dr. Scott informed me briefly about the details of your health. At any time, I can stop if you don’t want me to read the will.” Replied Ms. Richmond. “Go ahead” responded Briseis. “Mr. Kingswell passed away five days ago in his home.” Ms. Richmond explained. “But why are you here, what does this have to do with me? Asked Briseis.

"The man raped me at thirteen until my 16th birthday.” Responded Briseis. Ms. Richmond frowned and replied “I’m so sorry, that happened to you. In a hostile tone, Briseis asked “How did you find me?”

“Before he passed he came into our office to rewrite his will, and he gave us an idea of where you could be found.” Ms. Richmond explained. Needing a moment to process this information, Briseis’ eyes started to water. “I haven’t seen nor heard of him since I was sixteen since I ran away. He was supposed to be my uncle, my provider, a father figure after my parents died. And he ruined me.” Briseis expressed. As she broke down in tears. “I know how difficult all this can be for you Briseis.” Dr. Scott replied as she reached into her desk drawer to retrieve tissue for Briseis.

Ms. Richmond proceeded to locate her briefcase. She put the case on Dr. Scott’s desk, opened it, and pulled out a sleek black folder. Out of the folder, she took out a thin heap of documents.

In a soft tone, Ms. Richmond explained to Briseis that she was now going to address Mr. Kingswell’s wishes. Briseis began to feel the sadness of her trauma caused by her uncle. She interrupted Ms. Richmond. “Can you just tell me, what is it? I’m starting to get a headache” said Briseis. Ms. Richmond replied “of course” as she reached over to her briefcase in the desk to retrieve a large yellow envelope. She handed it over to Briseis. She opened the envelope and emptied the items on her lap. Curious and confused about the items, Briseis began to ask. “What are these keys for? “One key is for the home that Mr. Kingswell purchased for you 5 years ago, and the other key opens the doors to a nonprofit outreach program for abused children, and it's all yours. . . The building is being furnished as we speak. “wait, what?” Briseis asks in shock. She then picks up the white envelope and opens it. Surprised by a large amount of cash in it, she skims through the cash and finds a note that says, "twenty- thousand dollars. Is this real?” Briseis asked Ms. Richmond. “Yes I counted it, it was the cash he had on on hand.” Ms. Richmond replies.

Lastly, she picks up the little black book and gives Ms. Richmond a confused look.

“The little black book is the record of all the apologies Mr. Kingswell has written to you, there are ten-thousand nine hundred and fifty apology notes.” Ms. Richmond explains.

“Oh my God” Cried out Briseis as she started to sob.

“But why? Briseis shouts angrily. “Did he think that buying me a house, giving me money and a stupid black little book with apologies, that it’s going to change the fact that he destroyed my life?”

Ms. Richmond’s eyes teared up. “I went through something similar when I was a teenager too. He was a trusted neighbor. And he may have taken away my innocence, but I still had control over my life.” Ms. Richmond poured out to Briseis.

Dr. Scott rushes from behind her desk to comfort Briseis. “Even though you feel destroyed, you still have a life. Live it, change it and help other girls that have been through the same challenges as you.”

After regrouping, Briseis wiped her tears. She takes the keys, the cash, and the little black book and walked out of the office.

The End