Tauntaun Headache

Last night, to save money, I slept in my Star Wars Tauntaun sleeping bag, under my sheets. Heating is very expensive in NYC. Now, the head of the bag is adorable. It’s not so great as a pillow. It gives you an epic headache. So I’m waking up on the first day of Mercury Retrograde with a Tauntaun headache and two cats in the bag with me.

I also have a third, but she declined the bag invitation. So I’m a Nerd, a Witch, and a Cat Lady. Not necessarily in that order. I go to make some coffee. Made in a French Press, which makes me feel like I’m saving the Environment in some small way. I pet some cat heads and sit down with my coffee. I drink it black and I am always surprised that more people do not drink it this way.

I don’t really have any plans today, so I’m thinking that the pink French themed pajamas that I’m wearing will take me through till tomorrow. I’ve taken down my tree, but I’m still putting away ornaments and Christmas stuff. Ow! I still need some Advil for my headache. I do not own a firearm, but my medicine cabinet is always fully loaded.

I have a pile of gifts from my Mom that I need to put away today. She overbuys I think because I’m 44 years old and am unmarried. And one book, I’m presuming, is another Bible from my not quite “there”Aunt. My Aunt has been sending me a different Bible every year for the past 10 years. It’s weird. I have nothing against religion, I’m just not religious. I usually donate them.

I go to open this one, it’s smaller than usual. It’s almost pocket sized. It’s black, made out of smooth leather, and it’s blank. Holy Bible is not embossed on either side. I open it and all of the pages are blank. As I do this, a small piece of paper flutters out, to the floor. I bend down to pick it up. It’s a check.

It’s a check for $20,000. A check from my Aunt to me. You know that moment where your gut and your mind disagree at the same time? This is what is happening to me right now. I can read it, but it simply can’t possibly be true. What is going on here?

My hands are shaking as I call my Dad. I ask him for my Aunt’s phone number. You see, she and I are not close. Not at all. He is surprised, but gives it to me. She and I are in the same time zone, so I take a shot of whiskey and I call her.

She answers on the third ring. I say who I am and then I’m speechless. She doesn’t say a word. Then I finally squeak out “thank you?” She laughs. Now, this is a woman that I’ve been told that is seriously mentally ill my whole life, so I’m trying to tread carefully. I ask her if it was a mistake on her end, in sending the book and check.

She says “No. I’ve been sitting on this money for a long time. Your Dad told me that you’ve been studying Witchcraft. I think you might’ve gotten that from me.”

I am so shocked at hearing this, that I almost drop my phone. I say “Andrea, what’s with all of the Bibles then?” She laughs and says “Oh, I do that to keep people from visiting me! I can live peacefully that way!”

My head is spinning, in a good way, at this revelation. We talk for another few hours, about various Spells and herbs. We finish speaking and I slowly get back into my Tauntaun sleeping bag and pull my eldest cat close to me. Headache is gone. Never judge a book or Bible I guess by it’s cover is right.