All you need is Love, and Love is all you need.
I left in one of my dad’s shirts; over sized, grey and battered, he had thrown it into the charity bag. It was that stuffy time of the year, where England gets confused as to what season it is. The trees have barely gained back their leaves but the heat is stifling, until that icy wind cuts through everything. These two weeks of summer we treasured, when the world turned green and blue with a wash of yellow over everything, like a filter, it was just there. You had to squint your eyes.
A Wicked Game
There comes a time in practically every man's life when a simple smile or gesture turns into something more. In a split second, an infectious smile catapults one into a realm of reality that is completely unexpected. For me, it was the spring of '89 when that infectious smile took me by surprise. Little did I know back then that this woman held me captive all that summer long, while she played a wicked game where I would be the loser in the end. She went away with another and I was left alone yet again. I can still feel the pain of love's depart. But it was out of a chance meeting those many years ago where her infectious smile caught my eye and pulled at my heart. They say that love can blind a man so as not to see. But for me I didn't know that a wicked game was about to be played on me.
It All Boils Down to This
Sometimes I become frustrated, sad, lonely, uneasy, impatient, antsy, scared, and ready to self-sabotage. Those are the times that I stand back and really look at her. I take all of her in to the extent that I can.
Another question I constantly ask myself is: why me? Why do I have to feel the way I do? Why can't my mind take control over the pain so that I can be happy again? I don't even remember what it's like to be completely happy... until I am around my best friend.
The One That Got Away
Sometimes I miss you; all of the late night phone conversations, great sex, and the happy times come flooding back into my head every once in a while. It makes me smile. These thoughts will pop into my head without warning: when I’m doing laundry, at work, talking on the phone to my mom. But after reminiscing on these good memories, a feeling of dread comes over me. It happens every time; I try to drown out everything that you did to me, but it doesn't work for the umpteenth time. I start to remember all of the lies, fights, abandonment...
He laid me down below him and placed his lips on my neck. He breathed against my ear and whispered "I have you". He gently placed a kiss against my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly.
The Downfall of a Neurotypical Female
Every Disney movie has the same plot for the most part. Seriously. A princess in a dire situation is on the cusp of doom when a prince rushes in to save her. I came to realize this when I was 15, and I began to wonder if true love was real. I came to the conclusion that no, there was no destined soul mate for everyone. It was more just finding someone you could tolerate and settling down.
Perceptions of Love
Love can be perceived by one in many ways. Some prioritize it, others fear it. I believe that everybody has different experiences that affect how one may feel about love. As an owner of the infamous trait of overthinking, I myself have taken a lot of my own time over the years to really analyze this subject and all the emotions and thoughts involved. I, like many others, have loved and lost, and have gone through the whole process. I've learned over the years of growing up that a relationship between to beings can be a very powerful thing, and can involve a variety of emotions and events.
The Relationship Status
Someone told me once the quote, "it is what it is," and I never really got along with it because I believe that you shouldn't take whatever bullshit is thrown at you and just accept it. Life is a journey for sure, but it doesn't have to be a war zone. You will have to step up one day and say what's on your mind and how you can FIX it because if you nurture it inside your soul it will only start growing roots and probably leaving scars for life.
You Would Think I Learn the First Time
We’ve all been in love at some point or another. Real actually love from a person that is accepting of who you are, and the burdens that you may or may not have on yourself. These days now it is not easy to find someone that is truly accepting of you. It seems there is more of judging than taking in the person for who they are. Love… seems more fake now than ever. The word “Love” gets flung all over the place without meaning it. It can be used to manipulate, abuse emotional and mentally, and take advantage of others because they were naïve to think about what the person is doing to them. It is unfortunate to believe but it is true. If there was an answer as to why that is… I would like to know myself. I guess what lead me to say that is because I look at what I have been through, and what I have seen through my relationships and others. The most common thing I see happen is loving more than one person, it is very possible to do so, but does it work out to love two people at once? It’s possible, but who are they hurting in the end? Themselves that is wanting to be with two people or the ones that are head over heels for them and can’t bear to see them with someone else.
My life story is a wild ride and I'm sure I'll end up writing about more of it in the future, but right now, this is the story of me - circa 2017.
Boy Who Fell In Love with the Moon
He had always seen her; felt her radiance on warm summer nights and her chilling penetration during a crisp winter’s dusk. But he hadn’t ever noticed her. It wasn’t until he was walking home on the eve of his seventeenth birthday, when his attention diverted toward the sky in response to a brisk breeze that caught his senses off guard.