I love you, and I’m sorry.
We last left off in December 2015 when I invited Romeo to move in with me. Remember in the other story where I talked about the centipede infested home and how the new place I lived in was a step up? Well, it was a step up; however, this place had an ant infestation. At first I thought nothing of it because it was almost winter and I figured once winter came, the ants would disappear.
I've been in so many relationships where I felt unheard, defeated, destroyed. Continuously, I was told I wasn't enough, I was too much, I was left alone to cry after a fight. I was never picked up after I had fallen. I was never told, no matter how much I protested, that I was beautiful everyday. I never felt like I was ever going to feel the love that I was dying to give to someone else. I always thought that this was how it was supposed to be. There wouldn't be a man who would love me better than the ones previous. I thought I would be stuck in this rut of unhappy, unsatisfactory, and one-sided relationships. I was envious of women who would tell me all about these amazing men that fell into their laps. I would dream of the day that I would find someone who would treat me as well as I was witnessing in my closest friends. I was a lost cause.
Most of us are guarded when it comes to falling in love. At some point, we have been let down in love. It may have even happened more than once; so our guarded stance is not something that happened over night. It was a process; one full of disappointment. It’s a wound that gets stronger every time it heals from being ripped open again. It doesn’t help that we can practically order humans like we can order a pizza. Between all of the dating sites, we feel like we have quite the dessert table spread out in front of us; but in the end they aren’t any that we really like. That’s one of our biggest problems in society. We have easy and instant access to what we think may be better than what we already have. We’re always looking for the next thrill or the next instant gratification; rather than appreciating what we already have standing in front of us. On top of that, we bail without hesitation when it’s not exactly easy to love someone. We just leave. We treat people as if they are disposable; easily waking up and deciding we don’t really love the person that is laying beside us. We don’t value anybody because we can get on OKCupid and find another suitor almost instantly. We don’t want to put in any actual effort. We are the generation that believes sending a, “Good Morning,” text is putting in enough effort. We say romance is dead; and it is. At least the kind of romance that we have imagined up in our heads. Instead, maybe we should redefine our definition of romance. It’s not always standing outside your girlfriend's window blasting a song with your radio. Sometimes it’s as simple as just looking into their eyes during dinner instead of looking at your phone. Maybe it’s something as simple as just holding their hand in the car and squeezing gently when a sweet song comes on the radio.
Life like for many people was a struggle, back in the mid 80s I lived in the poorer end of town with my parents. When you are young you think you have it all figured out. You leave school go to college or uni, get a career under your belt, find a guy, get married, and have a few kids and live happily ever after or so you are told growing up. I never had a boyfriend at school, I wasn’t one of the cool girls who wore too much makeup with hair so high you need to duck when entering a room, none of the boys fancied me, I was just a plain girl, we didn't have much but we were happy enough.
An 18-year-old kid is going to talk about being a hopeless romantic? Why yes, yes I am.
Nick Jones and Priyanka Chopra's recent engagement sparked much controversy. Not only are the couple from very different worlds, with Priyanka being a very famous Bollywood actor and Nick being mainly known for his singing (and previous acting career on Disney channel), they are literally from different worlds in terms of their cultural background as well but i'm not here to discuss that. In fact, what caught my attention the most was their age gap.
You've all heard it, right? Gaslighting, love bombing, ghosting... but I don't know about you, but I don't hear much about people experiencing mental health issues whilst being in a relationship. Not many people speak up about it.
Within the blink of the naked eye, I realised that was it. I knew there was no going back. But let me rewind—it all started that morning.
Can men and women be friends, or will there be at some point in their friendship a time where one or both of them feel something more?
There isn’t a way for me to start this besides saying this is not a love letter. Think of this as a nice little sweet letter from someone who cares about you and simply wants to put a smile on your face every chance he gets. First of all, I’m not gonna start with a lie so I’ll be honest. When you told me that you were gonna turn yourself in a part of me thought that was a mature decision but at the same time there was a part of me that didn’t want you to and to find a way to make you not. I felt that way because I didn’t want to lose you, especially with what was going on with my life at the time. But I knew deep down if I told you not to you would see the side of me that I don’t want others to see, AKA my emotional side. I’m supposed to be the nice funny one that makes everyone feel better or for lack of better word “be clutch”.