love
All you need is Love, and Love is all you need.
5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them
As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers: CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control. Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule. Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked. Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid. RESISTANCE Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination. When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful. NEEDINESS Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need. SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner. EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay. RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways. The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship. A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.
By Emma Flores2 years ago in Humans
Unpacking the OFW'S Children's Heavy Baggage
They say that not all heroes wear capes, and Overseas Filipino workers (OFW) were recognized in the Philippines as one and as modern heroes for their sacrifices, but unfortunately, those sacrifices require to be reciprocated.
By AnnJellica Marasigan2 years ago in Humans
The Boundless Dimensions of Love
Love, an emotion as old as humanity itself, is a concept that defies precise definition. It is a universal force, experienced by all, yet it manifests uniquely in each individual. The dimensions of love, particularly its depth and height, offer a profound exploration into the ways this powerful emotion shapes our lives, relationships, and societies. This article delves into the intricate layers of love, examining how its profound depths and soaring heights influence our existence.
By Samson E. Gifted2 years ago in Humans
Beyond the Choice: Embracing Love and Financial Security. AI-Generated.
Love and money. Two fundamental forces that weave through the tapestry of human experience. One fuels our emotional well-being, the other provides the resources to navigate the world. But which reigns supreme? Can we have both, or do we face a constant, agonizing choice?
By Juliette Nguyen2 years ago in Humans
The Life-Changing Discovery of True Love
Identifying true love for the first time can be a profound and life-changing experience. For first-time lovers, recognizing true love involves a combination of emotions, actions, and realizations that set it apart from infatuation or temporary attraction. Here is an in-depth exploration of how first-time lovers can identify true love, how they feel, what they do, and the signs that indicate it is indeed true love.
By Juliette Nguyen2 years ago in Humans
Also a woman
Hanh thought, then forced a smile, picked up the towel draped at the head of the bed to cover her puffy face, held her 8-month-old son in both hands, walked out onto the porch, with a tattered conical hat, put it on her head... So I quietly left the house in the middle of a summer afternoon like it was on fire.
By Ken Daklak2 years ago in Humans
Heartwarming Tales: Handpicked Stories of Humanity's Best
**1. The Miracle of a Stranger's Kindness** In the bustling streets of New York City, Mary, a single mother struggling to make ends meet, found herself in an unexpected predicament. After a long day at work, she realized her wallet was missing. With no money to get home and her young daughter waiting for her, panic set in. As tears welled up in her eyes, a stranger approached her.
By RAVI KUMAR2 years ago in Humans
