My twenties were full of everything. Getting my feet wet with new experiences, new places, new people, you name it, the world was my oyster. My thirties I went full speed into exploring all that life had to offer, especially in the dating scene. With a little more experience and knowledge under my belt in my 30s, I took the bull by both horns with no fear. I was educated, confident, attractive, and full of sexual desire. I had enough amazing dates to write a best selling romance novel.
Alright, so here’s the deal: We’ve all done something we are not proud of. Whether it’s stealing $5 from your mom’s purse or simply telling your friend that she definitely looked good in that neon orange shirt she wore on her date last weekend when she clearly did not. Either way, it’s a low point. And those low points can either make for huge regrets later down the road, or hilarious anecdotes shared over drinks. Fortunately, this story falls on the latter side of the spectrum.
When I was in my twenties, I remember asking a lot of people I knew how they knew when they had met THE ONE. My aunt told me about the apple test. She said she already really loved her husband (then not her husband yet), but once he picked up two apples and one wasn't as perfect as the other. Without realising that she had seen him, he took both apples, washed them and then without even hesitating, he passed her the better one of the two. That was the moment she knew he was the best man she could marry.
The first day of ninth grade. I lied, it was actually the second day of ninth grade. He didn't come to school much. He came late that day.
My whole life seemed to be nothing but misfortune when it came to relationships. I was quite the lonely person. I had only one friend, I was socially awkward, and I was bullied. Many times I thought to myself: "I'm not good enough, and never will be. Why would any sensible person love such a worthless, ugly person like myself?" This train of thought sent me spiraling into a deep depression; I wasn't myself anymore and I hated who I was.
A Crush. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, a crush is an "intense and usually passing infatuation." Passing, being the key word there. I'm sure many of you have had crushes before and it's either worked out or not so much. If your crush liked you back, that's great! I'm so happy for you guys! But this... this is for those who haven't been able to be successful with their crushes. Those that are constantly tossing and turning at nights, hoping, waiting for their crush to notice them, talk to them, or even just a simple wave that would make their hearts flutter.
I’ll never forget my first online date. It went very well. Nothing weird happened. It was a normal date. With a pretty normal girl. Even though I was partially expecting something bad to happen, nothing did. See there’s this dumb stereotype that online dating is dangerous and you’re gonna meet weird ass people who are gonna rape you or tell you their life story 15 minutes after meeting you. Now, for the most part, I’ve been very fortunate in the online dating department. In fact, me and my current girlfriend met on OkCupid (if she knew I was telling you this though I probably wouldn’t have a girlfriend anymore), and I understand that most people who’ve used online dating services such as, Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Match, bumble, have had some pretty fucked up experiences. Especially girls, beause some guys are literal pieces of shit and should be flushed down the toilet of prison to be-butt fucked for 20 to 30 years with the possibility of parole.
I laid in an unfamiliar bed that squeaked in response to every breath I took. My head rested inches away from a penis-shaped rocket ship that was carefully sketched in pencil on the wall. I stared up, admiring how the sun skates across the naked ceiling, flirting with each crystal throughout the room, birthing rainbows that stretched corner to corner. My motto, “Grow through what you go through,” tossed and turned in the back of my mind trying to get comfortable in its new environment: college.
So I've never been in a long-term relationship, but my boyfriend and I are coming to hit our one year mark. When I realized this, I thought to myself, 'What in the world do I get this boy to show him how much I love him?' There's nothing I'd rather do than show him how much I care for him and our past year together. So I did some research, and here's what I found:
Are you in a Relationship or a Roommate-Ship??
There's something that's always terrifying about being on a first date. Most of the time, I'm quite open about my sexuality beforehand, knowing that it'll be a deal breaker for almost every person I meet. If someone asks me on a date, I'll typically blurt it out without even thinking because I don't want anyone getting uncomfortable or pushing me into something that I don't want. They usually lose interest.
A few months ago, I decided to embark on a new journey. A journey into the worlds of consensual non-monogamy and kink.