Struggles of being Shy.

I've been socially awkward almost all my life. It's always been difficult to just speak my mind, especially when it is at a group gathering. I have the answer, but I always doubt my self. It would be at the silliest things as well. Such as what if I am wrong (when I'm not) and even if I am so what these people are my friends. But to my mind its a big deal.

Growing up I've always heard comments such as " Stop Being Shy", "Just talk to them, its not that hard", or " Why don't just come out of your comfort zone", I mean I would if I could.

It's not like I don't try, it can get hard sometimes, and I'm always afraid of being called clingy or even rude. When all it is, is shyness.

I envy those with amazing social skills, sometimes even my sibling. When I look at the way they speak to others, without a care in the world, I wish i could too. I want that confidence.

Sometimes that may not even be the case, sometimes I enjoy listening to others and hear what they have to say, or be by the wall during a party, enjoying the music, but some one has to come and tell me I'm not trying enough, or that I'm not having enough fun. I should really just tell them to back off, why is it your concern anyway. But then I think they are just probably worried, worried that I'm not enjoying myself (I am talking about my friends). Those who I don't know, or just met, please just mind your own business.

You just need to get to know a shy person one on one, you will see how fun we are. Within my small close group of friends I'm known as the funny one, can you believe? But if I'm in a big group with those who I am not close with, then it is so difficult. Feels like something is twisting my insides, and if i say one word its going to all come out in gibberish and I'll just make a fool of my self.

I sometimes wonder how someone becomes shy, because I was always a shy kid. So why is it some are amazing at speaking and saying whatever that comes to mind and others struggle with just saying hi to a new person. It really is a world where we have to work for everything, even to be able to speak naturally.

Have you ever had a moment where you have nothing to reply with or a good response? And later at the weirdest times you start thinking of the conversation, for example while you're in the shower, and BOOM you have the answer, and its like the perfect response! Well its that situation with me, in almost every conversation I've had with a human*inserts crying emoji*.

I'm so good with texting (not at replying straight away) but when I do reply i say exactly what is needed to be said. No regrets, majority of the time I don't even need to think about it, the words just flow right. So when getting to know someone I enjoy doing it through text because I feel comfortable to be myself, so weird.

I am trying to improve, I would say I have improved ALOT from how I was before. I push through the anxious feeling. And I will keep doing so. But I also do have a message for those who don't seem to understand a shy person. Give them time and get to know them one on one, also accept them as they are. You could gain an amazing friend.