Stop Making Your Bed—Try Rest Instead

Productivity gurus around the world will recommend that the first task of any day should be to make your bed if you genuinely want to start your day off with the right mindset to be productive. Many of these individuals also recommend that you get out of bed as early as possible and never, ever snooze your alarm. The "right mindset" appears to be geared heavily towards conquering several important tasks in a day lest there be total financial collapse, while still squeezing in a few less important tasks as well. For context though, this advice is often given by financially wealthy individuals, those who aspire to be wealthy or successful in their field of choice, or those with highly competitive natures. What they say seems to suggest that they view every task as a challenge to be taken head-on. I sometimes wonder if any of the more aggressive ones jump out of bed, hit the floor with perfect posture, flex for good measure, and then run into the bathroom to dominate their toilets and their toothbrushes.

All funny imagery aside, I am not arguing that these tips will not help you to be more productive, because they very well might. However, I did these things for years and I was just spinning my wheels. I am not motivated by money, success, or even safety, security, or comfort. I did what I did simply to take care of loved ones who, well, did not care about my well-being. I know, it was stupid, but I love my extended family and I did not want them to suffer or die. Drug addiction, abuse, and mental illness are at the core of my family’s foundations. For my wonderful readers to fully understand why I outwardly seem to be a Type A personality when I am not, I would have to go into some sad history and that is not what this is about. This is about rest. This is about letting go of the expectations of the world and embracing who I am and what I need to do to be my best self, not someone else’s best self. There is truly no wrong way to be, my lovelies.

I have PTSD, C-PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, insomnia, and possibly two or three disorders that fall into the obsessive-compulsive set of disorders that I have not been formally diagnosed with simply because it required too much listening on the part of providers and too much talking on my part. I have also had moderate to severe depression at various times in my life. For medical conditions I have a host of pain conditions: osteoarthritis, migraines, degenerative disc disease, degenerative joint disease, fibromyalgia, and hypermobility. My large joints are prone to dislocation, and I bruise easily, so I should probably see a specialist about that, but I must set up a new primary care physician first and go through that whole song and dance first. Relocation, poverty, and technical homelessness can really interfere with care. I also have asthma, allergies, a few birth defects that still impact my daily life.

Why does all this matter? Sleep. Here is the deal, sleep is important. Quality sleep in long stints, in theory, should help with my overall health and quality of life, but sleep is elusive when you wake up from nightmares or sounds and have difficulty sleeping due to pain. It is also harder when breathing becomes difficult. I have tried numerous ways to address my sleep problems head-on. Medications did not work in my case. Nutrition issues have been addressed as well. I have tried various bed types and found that none improve my sleep quality for long. Treating the various ailments listed with medications, therapy, and physical therapy only helped so much. Sleep hygiene methods have also not panned out since my sleeplessness has little to do with my daily habits and more to do with things that are not within my control. I still practice good sleep hygiene because I do not want to do things that reduce my quality of sleep, but sleep is still not within my grasp at times. I do address things as they come up, where possible. Today I bought a different air filter because the air quality has been poor and the filter I have was not up to the task. But still, everyone harps on sleep. But of the dozens of medical professionals I have seen in my lifetime, not one ever suggested rest in any form other than getting more sleep at night. Naps were discouraged, meditation was laughed at, and any healthy practice that was not in a medical journal my doctors had read was treated as something I made up. I remember a medical journal that was sitting in my primary care physician’s office mentioning Tai-Chi for fibromyalgia pain and arthritis. But, when I talked to that primary care physician, it was clear that she did not read that particular article or the corresponding data. Also, most of the professionals did not seem to think that quitting my toxic job and family was the solution either, as a result I had trouble talking with any of them about it. Prioritizing my health and well-being should have been at the top of the tier for the medical advice professionals gave me, but it was not. I am hoping to have better luck with my next physician. So, after a particularly bad year in 2016, I had to start ignoring all the bad advice that was often coming with the best of intentions on the part of those giving it, even when it cost me dearly to do so. I spent the last several years healing my mental health, forgiving myself for not working a paid job, and questioning conventional advice about life and health in general. Certainly, good advice can come from anywhere, so I listen to other people, read books and articles on subjects which can help me improve, etcetera. I also do listen to physicians and consult them for medical advice because that is their job, and it should be what you do first. I am not saying you should jump straight to ignoring everything they say, but they are human, and as such, they are not equipped to know everything and fix everything. They do their best, but sometimes they do not know the answer, or they will think that your solution is wrong. They are entitled to their opinion and that medical opinion may help others where it might fail you. But you can build a great self-care practice if you know what ails you, so I will continue to seek medical advice, tests, and treatments when I need to. But inevitably I must always ask myself what is my body, mind, and soul saying?

In 2021, my husband and I wanted to change back to a more stationary life after spending four years living on a commercial vehicle. Part of it was by choice, but at that point it was the truck or the street, and I was too sick for street-living at the time. There is little to no work-life balance in the career of a commercial truck driver, but my husband and I both took the time to build a stronger relationship with one another, and with ourselves. Those long drives and tight spaces had an interesting impact on our marriage for the better, and I will never regret having done it, even though it was quite taxing on our health. We slowly let go of every toxic relationship we had, and it broke both of us a bit to do it. But we had taken care of so many people for so long that it seemed unnatural to change the priority towards ourselves. We have no children of our own, no one who should have been depending on us so, but we had over two dozen. I cannot tell you how exhausting that was.

In May of 2021, we finally got a new apartment, and my husband found a local job very quickly in the city we chose to move to. I cannot tell you how much of a relief it was. We had so few possessions that when we rented a cargo van to take our stuff out of the truck to our new place, it was less than half full. So, I had the daunting task of figuring out everything that we needed and acquiring it. Beyond clothes, toiletries, a small set of things for entertainment or enrichment, and the stuff for our cat, I had to get everything else. It took until December of 2021 to do that. I had always wanted to cook more, so now that I had the time, I learned to cook or bake about three dozen new dishes. As a result, I finally know what a healthy weight looks like on my beautiful body. I am stronger and healthier than I have ever been, both mentally and physically. My arms, which have always been thin and weak now have noticeable muscle tone, and I did not do anything new other than add more protein to my diet and do my normal cleaning and repairing tasks. I practice yoga, martial arts, and calisthenics depending on what my health will allow, but I have been doing those for years with on a slight change in my upper body strength. I also started a reasonable writing routine and learned new skills along the way since getting off the truck. It is amazing to have free time. I would not say that I like to stay busy, but I do absolutely love to learn new things and I am not one to punish myself by denying myself the things I love the most in the world: reading, writing, and learning everything I can. I love to draw, and I am so terrible at it that it brings me immense joy when my hand does what I want it to do.

But at this point you are possibly asking, “what does this have to do with making the bed?” Well, everything. I have routinely made my bed since I was seven years old. It was something I had decided to do to make my room look tidy in a household where tidiness, cleanliness, and order were not a thing. It was an act of rebellion to have a clean room. Eventually, I started cleaning everything, cooking every meal, and taking on odd jobs in childhood to pay bills or buy things that we desperately needed. I got better grades, taught myself how to get organized and stay organized, and it got me pretty far in life. However, those same skills were also symptoms and coping mechanisms of a host of illnesses. I have always been sick, that happened before I was born and through no choice of my own. Whereas part of me did not care what others thought of me, I truly feared failing myself or having another family member die due to my supposed shortcomings. Yes, making my bed every day was something I could control, and so I did it to bring a sense of control to things that I knew were not within my control. Also, on a lighter note, did you know that you should air your bed out for at least an hour or two before making it? I learned that from a book when I was a teenager. I was a weird child, checking out books on all kinds of subjects, including good housekeeping practices. You see, you leak various juices into your bed which feeds bacteria and dust mites. It is bad for your quality of sleep, especially if you have breathing difficulties like I do. So, pull the bedding down and just leave it be for a while to allow your mattress and bedding to dry properly and air out. If air quality and weather permits, open a window in your bedroom as well. For me, making the bed right away also feels like I am telling my subconscious mind that I cannot go back to bed if I need to; and with my health, there are days in which I need to rest more. So, I say it here, I say it loud, stop making your bed first thing. Try rest instead.

Now you are asking, “well, what do you do instead that is so different?” I have a routine now that I have been tweaking for months to get the most out of my day, and it is centered around rest cycles and easing myself into tasks to reduce pain, fatigue, and other negative experiences related to pushing myself too hard. Every morning, I wake up a while before my husband’s alarm goes off. Who needs to set an alarm when you have insomnia? Silly productivity gurus with their clocks that wake them up. I could get up the moment I wake up, but that would really be detrimental to my health. Instead, I decided to allow myself to lie in bed, basking in the feeling of not being on my feet doing something “productive.” What is the point of being productive so early in the day if your motivations all rely heavily on slowing down? I evaluate how I am feeling both mentally and physically. Sometimes I ruminate about the dreams or nightmares I have had—without judgement. Many people who have a different worldview from my own have told me that my nightmares are a sign of weakness or a punishment for something I did in a past life or this one. I do not accept that nightmares are inherently negative. My nightmares are just my mind trying to work out a problem and needs my full cooperation, and I need to give myself the time and thought first thing if I am going to make the change necessary to address that nightmare. I cannot do that if my first task is focused on the appearance of my outer world. My inner world needs a bit of tidying first, thank you very much. I then pop joints that are prone to giving out if I do not do it before standing up. If I feel dizzy or nauseated, I sit up against my pillows until my head clears. I then stretch and do a summersault out of my bed. Yep, you read that right, I might not have perfect posture but I role out of bed like a champ. Go me! We sleep on a floor mattress though, so it is less dangerous. I do not recommend this if you sleep in a loft bed or a bunk bed. I can tell you from experience, it hurts.

After dominating my own toilet and fixing my hair so that it does not look like I just came in from a tornado, I head into the living room where my husband is often waiting to hand me my coffee. I wake up an hour or two before his alarm goes off, but I stay in bed until after he has dominated the toilet, fed the cat, and started the coffee. We then sit around for about half an hour or so, he looks at memes while I pet the cat and read as my mind drifts slowly into this plane of existence. We also talk about nothing of real importance. It is those tiny moments of peace that make every day just a little bit better. He then gets ready for work while I make his lunch. Yes, he could make his own lunch, but it is part of my routine to remind myself that we both need nourishment, and that is okay. Plus, the man made the coffee, he is a hero who deserves a sandwich or two. He then heads off to work and I brush my teeth and I get dressed while dancing a little here and there. I highly recommend a little dance every day, it is the best medicine for the mind and body. This is self-care, after all, might as well have a little fun. That bed making nonsense can wait.

I consider my morning routine to be a long stretch and warm-up session for my body and mind, because this body does not do its best work when it is not warmed up. I then have three hours scheduled for domestic tasks. We live in a small apartment, but I give myself this much time every weekday for these tasks because I need to make time for slow movement on flare-up days. I make my bed sometime during my daily clean up session, but it is not the first thing nor the last. I clean before writing or doing anything related to my goals to get in the healthy movement that I need to feel my best. It feeds into the work I am passionate about while still getting things done that need doing if I am to remain healthy. By the time I am done with my outer world tasks my joints are more limber, I feel warm, and my head has cleared from the nightmare fog or the fibro fog. Some days it takes longer than others, and I hate to get into my mental work when my head is in a daze, or my hands can barely move.

But before the mentally productive part of my day, I take a break. My husband calls me for a while, and then I make sure to eat something if I have not yet done so. I have it written into my daily schedule to eat because I tend to forget to eat. I am so used to dismissing pain and discomfort that I do not often notice that I am hungry. I try to mindfully check in, and that is why I wrote it into my schedule.

After my meal, it is time for my daily reset. My daily reset allows me to disengage from the outer world and focus on my inner world. With my body fed, I can now gauge my mental and physical state accurately. How am I feeling? What am I thinking? This year I am journaling these things to determine my next course of action. If I am feeling anxious or upset because I think a lot while cleaning, I will go for a walk outside or walk in circles around my tiny apartment first. I then do martial arts drills or yoga if I can so that I can do a form of moving meditation. I know I need to allow myself time to let things go, and I believe that this will help overall. I have always struggled with meditation if I am still because it hurts too much, but moving meditation seems to help. However, f I am feeling too tired, I am having difficulty breathing, or I am dizzy, I am trying to allow myself to lie down instead. It took me months to figure out how my energy ebbs and flows now, and I am trying to make it a priority to allow time for these forms of rest. Thus far, they really seem to be helping. But this is the most recent draft of my daily routine. I was still trying to cram in unimportant tasks. In December I started to get more flare-ups and I decided to make it a priority to slow down. I am still trying to figure it out, and that is okay. For someone who had loved ones and strangers alike that they were a selfish monster if they slept more than three hours a day, let me tell you, these daily resets are like a rebellious act of self-care. And I selfishly relish in them. Okay, sometimes I feel guilty, but I know logically that eventually I will be able to do so much more if I am not bone-tired and barely breathing.

As I said, I am the healthiest and strongest I have ever been. I am also the happiest I have ever been, and that is saying something. I know, I listed various ailments and sources of pain for me, which should mean that I am a miserable human being who is always in a state of endless suffering. But that is not how I usually see it. Despite my health problems, or perhaps because of them, I see beauty in every part of the human experience. From the lens of a person who does not see their mental or physical ailments as a source of suffering, I am telling you, even a painful intake of breath is exquisitely beautiful if you take a moment to just breathe. Sleep and I are not on great terms, but maybe as I make more room for rest in the bed I eventually made, sleep and I can be good friends. This year will be a wonderful experiment to see if I can gain peace with sleep. If not, at least I made space to rest, heal, and breathe.