Sometimes Dating Sucks, And That's Okay

I have been single my whole life. I’ve been on dates with about three guys in my 20's, but I have never been in an actual relationship.

When I was twenty, I would hang out in an online chat room and talk to a guy who I developed a crush on; I’ll call him John.

I spoke to him online and on the phone for two years, and in December, two months before I turned 23, I met him in person at some trashy house party.

After that night, I started hanging out with him. We never went out on dates, and we were never in a relationship, but when we hung out, he would act like we were in a relationship and introduce me to people he knows as “his girl.”

Then when he was alone, he told everyone he was single. So, you can see why I was confused during that time; I mean, am I his girlfriend, or am I not?

The whole time I was with him, I felt like I was happy and felt butterflies and started falling in love with him. I was the first one and only one to say I love you.

Do you know how awful it feels to tell someone you love them, and they don’t say it back?

A few years after stopping all contact with him (he stole money from me), I finally realized that I wasn’t truly in love with him.

I was in love with the feeling of being in love and being in a relationship.

I hated being single, and I desperately wanted to be in a relationship that I was willing to ignore the signs and red flags.

I felt like a loser for being single.

It used to make me upset being single while all my friends were in relationships.

It tore me apart seeing people go out on dates, to school dances while I sat home alone feeling undesirable. Now that I’m in my 30s, I don’t care about that anymore.

Being single is not a bad thing, and it’s not the end of the world.

I know a few girls who hate being alone, so they stay in relationships with guys that don’t treat them the way they deserve to be treated.

They rather stay in a toxic relationship than be single, and I am the complete opposite.

If you must beg someone to be in a relationship with you, then you shouldn’t be with that person.

If someone genuinely wanted to be in a relationship with you, then they would make it their mission to make that happen.

You shouldn’t have to beg someone to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, and if you do, then that shows you; they don’t want to be in a relationship with you.

I had to beg John to dump a girl he was already in a relationship with, to be in a relationship with me. Do you see how messed up that is?

For one, I shouldn’t have to beg a guy to be my boyfriend and two, if he already has a girlfriend and he’s hanging out with me, hugging on me and only telling everyone I’m “his girl” when I’m around, then I need to find someone else.

Was I even his girlfriend?

When I was with him, I considered him to be my boyfriend since he made me believe we were in a relationship. The only problem was, he didn’t think of me as his girlfriend.

When we were with each other, he would tell people I was his girlfriend when he was by himself with friends; John would say I wasn’t his girlfriend, and he was single.

Because of this, it makes me wonder if I was indeed his girlfriend during our relationship together.

I felt like we were in a relationship during that time, so I took it as a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship even though it wasn’t.

We had a relationship, no doubt; it just wasn’t the type of relationship I thought and wanted. We never went out on dates; we never did what couples usually do.

He wouldn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day, and we didn’t do anything romantic.

All we did was hang out and drive around, hang out at the abandoned train tracks while he and his friend jumped around in the old trains.

We held hands and hugged, never had sex, though; we were just a couple of friends goofing around together.

So no, I wasn’t his girlfriend, I was just another girl who he only wanted to have sex with but never got the chance — bummer dude.

I've been told I'm single because I'm too picky.

It’s not that I’m too picky and won’t date someone who doesn’t possess all the qualities I look for in a guy.

I’m not going to lower my standards and get involved with someone who isn’t right for me.

One of my friend’s ex-boyfriend told me that I’m too picky and I should take what I can get and be happy about it. Um, I don’t think so.

I’m not going to settle, and if you have to as a way to finally get in a relationship with someone, then that’s the type of relationship you don’t want.

I would rather be single than be with a guy who won’t treat me with respect.

Not having a boyfriend or husband isn’t a terrible thing; being single does have its perks.

You get to make all the decisions when you’re single. If you’re the type of person who likes to be in control, then this will be ideal for you.

You don’t have to worry if your partner won’t be on board with your ideas. And you don’t have to deal with your partner’s parents either.

This comes in handy if their parents are jerks.

You should keep in mind that I’m not saying you should give up your desire to be married and have a family.

But you also shouldn’t give up the opportunity to take full advantage of the fact that you’re single. What is something you always wanted to do?

Want to travel to exotic places? Being single is your chance to do everything you have ever dreamed of, and you get to do it on your terms.

You might be thinking you could travel to exotic places with your partner, which is true.

But what happens when your partner has no desire to go to the destination of your choice? Do you roll over and give up the chance to do something you have always wanted to do?

Or do you beg your partner to go with you, with the chance they’ll be in a bad mood since you “forced” them to go?

You’re not single because you’re undesirable.

The number one thing we all need to learn while being single is learning how not to feel undesirable. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re too ugly.

Trust me. I’ve had those thoughts many times since I’ve been single a long damn time.

I have always felt like the reason that I’m single is that I am genuinely undesirable, and most guys don’t like girls like me and the type of look I have.

All the single ladies (I hate that song) need to drop the mentality that we’re single because we’re ugly and undesirable. That’s not true.

There are so many reasons why someone is single, and it has nothing to do with their looks.

Someone could be single because they just got out of a relationship, or they moved to a new city.

Or, someone is too preoccupied with their health problems and chronic pain (ME) that it makes it hard for them to get out in the dating scene.

Sometimes dating sucks, and that’s okay.

The dating scene will never be perfect, and there’s always going to be a lot of trial and error.

Don’t let that stop you from having fun dating other people and exploring your options.

If you find that being single is better than sticking with the dating scene, then that’s okay as well.

Just because people around you are dating doesn’t mean you have to continue to date people or try to date people.

Stay single and work on taking care of you and your life, dating can take a back seat for a while.

It’s time that you focus on your wants and needs and devote your time to being happy with yourself and the way your life is at this very moment.