Some kind of life challenge?

You ever think about the time you didn’t say something but wanted to or needed to? Sometimes I wonder if I will ever look back and completely regret not saying something, where it was to change something serious or to grow closer to someone. That’s actually why I am writing today, I want to bring you on my journey of talking to someone that I truly desire to know. I am taking this opportunity to try and be better than before, to grow as a person who is truly confident in every aspect of my life, both personal and professional.

Taking chances has always been easier said then done when it comes to my life. I set a small goal of talking to someone or asking someone to hang out and then….bam! I chicken out, all the momentum I had to accomplish the goal has just fallen out of my body and has become fear. I always get right to checking off the set goal before doubt starts to set in, I stop thinking about accomplishing the goal and start thinking about all the things that can go wrong. When it comes to social settings of engaging with other people, or should I say….new people, I become fearful. I fear what they might say or do, and I fear the biggest thing of all…..rejection. But I have come to realize recently in my life that I am less afraid of rejection and more afraid of embarrassment, even if no one else is around or watching. Just knowing that the person I was talking to can remember what I said and that they turned me down, scares me. Maybe this has something to do with my small history of being bullied or being considered weird or awkward all my life is truly what is hindering me from making these connections that are needed in my life to succeed.

This person that I am trying to create a connection with, is someone that I hope that I can really grow close to. I work with him, well he and I work at the same business, but in different areas. I already have three really great friends that I have already made at work. They really encourage me to step out of my comfort zone and take a chance to talk to him. It’s not that he is hard to talk to, I have just never been able to really talk to men that I like. But then there is another guy who I also do like but it’s mainly because he is really good looking and really sweet. But this guy unlike…..we will call home guy P. Guy P is my age or maybe a year older than me, Guy M is thirty years old. Guy M and I have had a little more time to connect because we work in the same area, so we spend a little more time together. Sometimes I think about the positives and the negative of each situation to trying and make the best decisions. I am a person that some will say is too nice, or friendly to others even people that I may not be to fond of. For me it’s not about being fond of them or not, it’s more so about being a decent person and always putting my best foot forward because you never know what someone is going through.

For now I will continue to put my best foot forward, step out of my comfort zone and continue to make meaningful connections. I want to come oust of this better than what I was before. I want to be more open, so that I can make friends and maybe even get a relationship out of a friendship.