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Social Media’s Futile Mata Hari

A long observation of social media stalking of people one dislikes

By CadmaPublished 2 years ago 11 min read
2
Photo Credit by Natalia Yandyganova

The art of conversation is dead. Over the years I have always paid attention to my surrounding and this includes my social media surroundings. It has always baffled me how people will utilize social media as a genuine gauge of an individual, without conversation or without being present; especially people who were not friends of mine or even enemy/neutral enemy. Social media is a form of expression, dare I say it is an “art”; but it does not replace genuine conversation. A true gauge of a person is when one can hear them speak and that does not provide a 100% reveal of who they are.

I enjoy social media mostly for the exchange of animal videos, education, receipes, documentaries, true crime and comedy. I treat each platform differently; very differently. Musically/Tiktok is probably my most active account but I do not watch everything that I see; I also post on there as well to the following I have gained. Twitter I use when I want to dip into news and propaganda to obtain information on both sides and comedy like someone’s sarcastic reply to a tweet like the incredible roasting done by Wendy’s. I can’t find a use for a SnapChat because I can just text my friends what I am doing. MySpace was for music. I barely used my Facebook and when I do only people I have selected personally can see my post; if you don’t see any posts it means you didn’t make the cut. Instagram I go in as deep as 5-8 photos and then leave. I don’t look anyone up or check people’s stories. I log in to check my messages because a friend of mine that is like a sister to me uses Instagram and will communicate with me directly about posts or something I posted. Granted I should be better at social media given my interests in entertainment but in a world where knowledge is instant; I do believe there is a thing as being too available for everyone. It leaves very little to yourself.

Some may respond with make your account private; I have those too and even then social media has garnished the concept that it is a form of communication whether the person knows it or not; it is not a conversation. Why do people engage in this behavior whether proudly or in secret hoping I do not know they would rather watch my social media presence, gauge my mood, my thoughts, my life than to have a conversation with me. I will just about converse with anyone including enemies. I will always do my best to be the best version of myself and be as respectful, honest, polite and diplomatic as possible; unless provoked otherwise (no perfections here).

Photo Credit by Virgilio Tavares

Here are some examples of what I observe over the years of engagement I notice as I scan my social media posts to make sure all is well. There was a young man in my youthful days of college who spent time bad mouthing me. I was his scuttlebutt. We did not date. We did not talk. I did not know who he was. I only knew of him because I heard him running and printing to the Daily Scuttlebutt of Bullshit about me himself. I heard it straight from the horse. Up until that point I would have never been able to point him out in a crowd of flies on a covering a wall, so you can imagine my surprise to hear my name in his mouth where it did not belong. He spoke in confidence like he knew me; we never spoke. However, when I see him I make no efforts in engaging him as a person because I have very little respect for someone who will bad mouth someone they do not know nor spoke with in such confidence without evidence, without question; just adding fuel to a fire. I will be polite when I do run into him but I’m sure he knows during our engagement I could careless if he was present or not. For someone for such a strong disdain towards me, they are very engaging with my posts; in the background but as the creator of my account I can see whose peaking in. He spends time on my Instagram and I wonder if it truly is as much time they spent gossiping about me.

We were once friends and one day in our twenties they decided that we could not be friends because I had not picked up weight. I was still 120lbs. Friendship; done. However, whom do I see engaging with my page. She never likes my photos but invests in checking into my Instagram stories frequently; I presume waiting for me to look a little “fatter” in my photos due to the fat phobia rhetoric of society. How lovely? I never mentioned their weight. I always thought of the friendship and how people treated them; but they decided we could not be friends because I was still skinny. I even tried to follow them back but they kept denying me to follow them; but they still follow me since Instagram came out. We were there when I was on BBS board talking to them about the internet changing the world and they thought I was nerd for it.

I worked in an office where my Instagram was heavily viewed and discussed or even reported when I was the top employee. One of the girls used it as a way to gauge who I was and would always complain “I don’t understand her page”. It’s not for anyone person to understand but rather it is a form of expression. It’s not for you.

I do not condemn people who are genuine fans and like the topics or photos or videos I post; that makes sense to me. It is when there is a disdain towards another person there is an obsessive response to “watch” the social media. It is like there is a need to know something in secret. It doesn’t quite fit itself into the online disinhibition effect but rather a category of it’s own. Studies have shown that people can have an increased risk for anxiety, depression, self-harm/suicidal thoughts because social media can promote negative experiences because of a personal inadequacy they feel about their life or appearance. Let’s take that into account, they feel inadequate about their life and it adds to their depression or anxiety; but if they are secretly watching my social media accounts because they feel inadequate why would it be the social media of someone they do not like; is it the need to feel adequate and hope that I am unhappy? Perhaps.

I can’t remember the photographer’s name but this is from some modeling job I did

But isn’t just a waste of time? Am I delusional for thinking that watching the social media of someone you dislike is a waste of time? I can think of a list longer than Alice in Wonderland thinking of all the impossible things to do before breakfast; instead of following people who I do not get along with or dislike. I am selectively social but when there is a person that i can tell we will not match well (doesn’t mean they are a bad person) I leave them alone and mind my business. If I do not like someone, i leave them alone and mind my business. If I part ways with someone, I leave them alone and mind my business. If I have to engage a person I do not mesh with, or seems like they have a disliking of me; I limit our encounters to minimize the probability of drama and a conversation I am genuinely not interested in. I do not check their social media because I do not care. I am capable of wishing an enemy all the best in the world; I just want their best to have nothing to do with my life. It sounds easy to me but when I see people who would not engage me positively in real life and stalk my social media; it’s interesting why someone would waste their time.

If someone was rude to me indirectly or directly, they check my social media pages as a gauge of where I am at; instead of apologizing like a mature adult or having a mature conversation. When I saw apology or conversation I mean a real one, not one where someone fears the consequences of their actions and spit it out and run. My social media will never define my mood for the masses, not even the articles I write.

I have an old friend that checks into my social media who doesn’t speak to me. In fact, the last time we spoke was when I was in a toxic relationship and they knew this; seemed to be upset that I didn’t stick around. In fact, the new guy I was with she wanted to disrespect him and call him outside of his name and I wouldn’t permit it. She didn’t like that but I didn’t care, those were the boundaries I set; plus if she wasn’t going to call my ex who was verbally and emotionally abusive towards outside of his name why would you do it to someone who had not done anything to me. Hell that ex punched a wall next to my face over a can of soup; and she knows that. I had never disrespected the people around her that she liked to keep around as friends even though some of them had outright wronged me; and she knew. When I make a post though, she pops up and I never understand why; we’re not friends. It’s interesting because God bless his soul I became very good friends with one of her brothers because we worked together and he would always tell her “one day she’s not going to be your friend and see you for who you are”. She would always get angry at him. I wonder if she remembers that. I simply left them alone because I was tired of engaging in the negativity and they seemed to never have my best interests at heart; unless they felt they were doing better; that is the only impression they have worked to leave. Yet, when I post online to share a quirky find or a throwback Thursday with a million photos from like 20 years ago; where I post there they are.

Ex boyfriends will check social media and to see if there is another male present but I never posted them onto my social media; so why would that change? People who pretend to be my friends will engage with my content in secret and hope that I do not see; 👋 while they pretend to be nice in front of others while disliking me. They are trying to save face which quite frankly I do not need that; we’re not obligated to interact with each other pass our obligations. Keep it short and sweet; stupid.

I see this behavior also with people who will troll another person’s social media account because they dislike their content instead of swiping up and without fathoming that by engaging in the material computer’s learn that they like it; and will continue to see content they dislike. Algorithms are your friends; use it wisely.

Photo Credit by Natalia Yandyganova

I have a deeper comprehension of strangers finding my content to be interesting enough to see what is happening but not the people who do not want to be in my life as positive aspects. I find my quickest and steadiest engagement are from the people who are no longer friends with me, outright an enemy of mine or a neutral enemy (that is someone is who dislikes me, has not done anything to me but is still waiting in the shadows either to cause harm or hope it happens to me).

There is so much more to life. We all have our tribulations. We are all special. We are all not special. We are all smart. We are all stupid. We are all individuals. The world has over 7 billion people in the world and the one who matters the most is you; if you are going to engage with someone you actually know in real life with their social media do not stalk them. Talk to them. Text them. If they do not want to engage with you, then leave it alone and pick another out of 7 billion.

We are alive. We are dead. We are in the present, past and future; all at once. We have forever on borrowed time. Do something constructive. Do something for you. Do something that does not intentionally harm another (accidentals are different). Find resolution with your unhappiness. Find resolution within yourself. Find a way to grow as a person. Focus on you. Engage with social media of content you relate to, or like; not stalk someone you dislike on social media. One will never find their personal happiness by getting angry or hating that someone else has found theirs; you can find yours too.

With all the time in the world, we are wasting so much of it.

Or maybe it is just me who feels this way.

humanity
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About the Creator

Cadma

A sweetie pie with fire in her eyes

Instagram @CurlyCadma

TikTok @Cadmania

Www.YouTube.com/bittenappletv

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