Single Life

What does being single mean to you?

Speaking for myself, it has definitely shifted over the years. Years of searching for “the one”. As if that is what life is all about. It was my number one goal above anything else whether I wanted to admit it or not. I’m a romantic at heart, that’s for sure. The idea of “one true love” or finding my “soulmate” or my “twin flame” or whatever you want to call it, was like a dream to me. I felt as if I were to find my person that everything else would fall into place. I guess at the end of the day it falls under the cliché of you have to be full on your own before you’ll be truly ready to love someone else. I’ve always known that and it wasn’t like I was necessarily looking for someone to complete me but subconsciously I was convinced that once I found true love then everything else would just work out. Almost like that was the first step. And maybe you can blame it on societal pressure, the town I grew up in, the way I was raised, yada yada, but all I can hold account for is me. Our perceptions are our own responsibility, It takes work. Deep, ugly, unattractive inner work to become aware of these patterns and the space they are taking up in our lives and souls.

Since I was 18 I had been in serious relationships one after another. It was the only type of relationship I was seeking to be honest. “Fun” wasn’t even a consideration. Sure, I had moments in between relationships where I would go on dates but it was never casual. Essentially I would think to myself, not even after, but DURING THE FIRST DATE, “Do I want to marry this person?” “No?” “Ok then moving on”. Which may sound mature at first glance, but on the other hand, when I would think “Yes, I do see myself marrying this person” then I fell head over heels right away and went full force. And that is how I found myself consumed by so many dead end relationships. I find a lot of people have this perspective. We like to call it “not wasting time” however when you really break it down, by not exploring all of my options, I essentially wasted years on people who I probably would have realized that they weren’t the one if I had actually taken my time and kept options open.

To be honest I can really thank COVID for this epiphany that I had. It was 2020 when I became single again after a year. This time I was forced to remain single, and I’ve been single ever since now 1 year and a half later. The longest I’ve been single in 6 years. It was during this time when the emphasis epiphany took place. Believe it or not, I still actually pursued a relationship during the midst of the pandemic. I pursued multiple actually. Long story short none of them worked out. Time after time of being disappointed and then I’m not really sure what took over me or what caused the transformation but I woke up one day and I just felt different. My mindset had shifted. I sort of thought to myself, “What the hell am I doing?” I’m 24 years old, wasting away time being sad over these SILLY LITTLE BOYS and emphasis on the boys. Wondering why it is that they can’t make up their minds or what it is about me that they can’t commit to. I finally stopped and asked myself, “Do I even like these people? Are these people I want to be investing my time into? Do I enjoy the qualities in these people?” My answer always came down to the fact that I saw potential in these boys but never existence. And there is a big difference.

So, moving forward, I had a wildly different mentality on what I wanted out of a “single life”. Now I wanted fun. I wanted freedom. I wanted experience. And I got it. You would be amazed at what life will do for you when you just ask. Just put it out there and manifest your reality. The energy you protrude is exactly the energy you are going to receive. I found myself attracting men (emphasis on MEN) genuine, adventure seeking, mature, kind men. And I was honest with them. They gave me the space to feel like I was able to be authentic without them becoming offended where as majority of boys I had dated in the past did not. Unsurprisingly though, the more honest I was the more honesty I got back. Wild concept huh? This type of communication instilled less pressure and deeper connection. Ironic that when you go into something with no expectation of a future that you find yourself being more open and vulnerable. Or at least I did. This led me into so many amazing connections that have led to such incredible relationships. By relationships I do not mean “boyfriend/girlfriend” but deep human connection that has substance and freedom and space to grow and evolve as individuals.

To me this is what the single life is all about. Less attachment, more connection. I can honestly say that for once I am happy being single; truly and confidently. When it comes to my romantic life I am thriving more than I ever have and even though a future with any of these “relationships” is uncertain, I do not care. Not even a bit. I am soaking up every single individual moment with each individual person and loving it all. So to anyone else out there who is at a point where you are failing in the dating world, this is for you. Check in with yourself. Where is your mindset? What are your expectations and why? Be vigilant with yourself and what you want. The right people will come, don’t stress it. Let go, remain open and allow yourself to adapt. What flows, flows and what crashes, crashes. You only have space for the people and things that are meant for YOU and the hard truth is that not everybody is meant for you just as you are not meant for everybody. Trust the process and take advantage of every experience by living in the present. When its over, it’s over and that is ok because if you continue to hold on to what isn’t serving you then you will not have space for what is actually meant for you. Give yourself permission to fall in and out of love fully and completely because at the end of the day, it’s all about the journey.