Single is the New Black

I've never been so happy in my whole life, and I'm single. Why rock the boat? I have money, brains, and my health. What more could a person ask for? I can tell you from your experience, that if you don't have your health, you've got nothing. I'm an aspiring writer, I travel the world, and I'm the CEO of my own life and I like it. I've got 99 problems in my life and being single isn't one of them. In fact, I'd have 299 problems if I were in a relationship.

My own life is a part time job. My initial thought was that I'm in a rebuilding year, so why would I bring you into my nightmare? Now that my life is a dream, I can't risk anything turning it into a nightmare. In fact, I described my life once as a recuring nightmare that happens that in presence of daylight - yeah that's grim. But I have worked my ass off to be where I'm at now, and I'm not risking that for anything. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but quite frankly, that's one of my best qualities.

I don't have to worry about anything but myself, and it's refreshing. It's a relief, actually. My parents were alcoholics that put me in the position of taking care of them at a very young age. Then I got pregnant at 19 and had three kids by the age of 26. As a former science teacher, I was in charge of 180 kids in a day. But to make matter's worse, people always made me feel life I wasn't enough. My paycheck was never enough, my looks weren't enough, my effort wasn't enough.

Teachers are seriously underappreciated. As an high-stakes eighth grade science teacher, your child's achievement was tied to my paycheck and apparently my worth as a human being. Teaching is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Not only was I on my feet ten hours a day, but my mind wouldn't shut off at night. As a chronic insomiac, like many teachers, I turned to prescription pills for sleep which was my undoing. To make matters worse, when I hit a hard spot in my life, I then had 180 sets of parents breathing down my neck. Technology made the situation untenable. Now every grade was online and up for dispute. Throw in unsupportive and unprofessional co-workers and work turned into a war zone daily. I'm done with war zones.

I describe my marriage as my own personal Vietnam (which I realize shows my age, but use any war where you like fight like hell for freedom with absolutely no respect, and you get my point). I couldn't pick own clothes, I couldn't pick what I had for dinner, I couldn't pick my lipstick. I didn't have a husband, I had a manager. I didn't need a manager. Paydays were a shitshow, which is ironic, because payday is supposed to be the best two days of the month, but whenever he had money, he left. He left to gamble, he left to left to travel the world, he left to be with other women, while I held down the fort at home. Marriage left me with just as much PTSD, alcohol abuse, and health problems as a soldier leaving a war. I'm done with war zones.

Between alcohol and prescription pill abuse, bipolar disorder, and crippling depression and anxiety, my health became a full-time job. Depression is feeling like you don't want to do anything and anxiety says you're not doing enough - to have both at the same time is a nightmare. Now that I'm sober and single, I have my health back. I'm present. I'm not hung up on the past or worried about the future. I'm happy, which is more important than any job or any relationship I've ever had. There is no war going on inside my head -that war zone became so large that it put me in the type of hospital where the doors only go one way. I'm done with war zones.

Times are changing. Brains are the new tits. Peace is my new wealth. And Single is the new black. I really can't see changing that for anything. I've travelled the world myself. I've earned multiple degrees. I have a fulfilling life. But most importantly, I'm happy. The war is over, and it's time to live. I've been liberated and I'm not turning back now. I'm married to my sobriety, and to my sanity. Sorry guys and gals, but I'm taken.