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Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship .

by Kyle Smith 2 months ago in humanity · updated 2 months ago

How these relationships form

Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship .
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

You could very well be in a co dependent relationship

Do you feel that no matter what you do for your partner that it’s simply not good enough? Are you always priortizing their needs over your own? Are you at the mercy of your significant other in a financial type of way and have no other support system, yet get treated badly in your relationship?

You could be involved in a toxic codependent relationship. You probably started to figure out that you’re totally codependent and have no other choice than to submit to your human God that is your abusive narcissstic partner controlling everything you wear,places you travel, friends you’re allowed to hang out with or the food you eat. But you don’t mind since they love you,right? You tolerate their toxic treatment towards you because you’re afraid to be alone. Perhaps the sex is so good that you can’t leave, the occasial way they love mob you keeps you around. What you should know however is this bond you have with this other person isn’t healthy.

How it starts

By Justin Follis on Unsplash

You were in a rough spot in life in the beginning. All alone, you seeked validation and needed acceptanc from someone. You’re afraid of being alone and thinks it’s a bad thing. So whenever someone jumped into your life to show you a little love and affection, you fell for it because it seemed convenient.In fact,this person who stepped into your life offering you a relationship seemed adament in being in your life.Since you don’t have any real options and were afraid of being alone, you went with the bait.

Overtime, this person starts doing favors for you “out of love” or so you thought. If you didn’t have a car, they’d drive you around. If you don’t have money, they’d often pay for things for you like concert tickets,trip to domestic or international places, or for new shoes and clothing. They’d make you some tasty treats or buy you a snacks from A drug store. Sometimes, they’ll buy you an ice coffee from Starbucks as a act of kindness.This in turn gave you the impression that they actually care about you when in fact,they’re luring you into their manipulative hook.

You’re The caretaker

A caretaker is usually true person responsable with maintaining the needs of the partner. This is a pattern which often starts with a family member and continues to grow overtime into adulthood. In a way, this behavior often results in neglecting their own needs to appease the demands of their partner.This happens because of the fear of their partner leaving them and is the biggest reason why a clingy caretaker chooses to stay with the manipulative taker of the relationship, surrendering all of the power towards them.

The caretaker believes that their partner is in need of saving and therefores sticks around to fix that person by inserting themselves into the taker’s life. You might often mistake taking care of your partner as love when in fact, you’re probably being manipulated into being the puppet of the taker. You weren’t properly loved as a kid and therefore as a result, mistake serving your partner as loving them when In fact, you’re being used. Codependent people forget who they are and identity is defined by their taker’s, wants, needs and desires.

Your partner is taker

The taker is essentially the puppet master of the relationship. Oftentimes,narcissistic and controlling, their emotionally abusive tactics keeps the caretaker on their toes to appease them at any moment in order to get what they want out of them. By using methods such as gaslighting and blame, the caretaker is guilt tripped into a cycle of obediene in exchange of not falling out of grace so they don’t abandon them. Whenever the taker becomes cold and ignores the need of the caretaker, an immense amount of guilt shadows that caretaker into believing that at any moment, the taker could potentially leave them for someone more exciting and new. Perhaps, you feel this way too whenever your partner gives you the cold shoulder or doesn’t show any displays of affection.

Children also exhibit taker behavior at a young age and carries this trait with them into childhood. In order for the taker to squeeze out any demand from their caretaker, they’ll use gaslighting and blame you for something you absolutely didn’t do in order to place guilt in your consious. The taker will also set ultimatums in order to keep you in fear of losing their approval or them walking out of your life. They also control everything in your life from who you can hang out with to what color shirts you’re allowed to wear.

By Danie Franco on Unsplash

You are afraid your partner will leave or break up with you

One of the most common situations that people in codependent relationships face is the fear that their partner or taker, will eventually leave them. This might cause you to do whatever means nessicery to keep your partner in your life. The taker will ignore you emotionally then love bomb you with love and affection to keep you hook.By using manipulative tactics such as intermittent reinforcement,you begin to crave the next fix of attention that the taker will suffercate from you. You can’t predict when they will show you love or affection again and you start to miss their validation once they turn cold and distance towards you. In many cases, this is their way of controlling you into submission and is an emotional manipulative tactic used by coevert narcisistic partners.Some Takers might even use you as a safety net whilst having sex with other people to get a sense of power over you.

Being alone isn’t so bad and can actually be peaceful. On the other. hand, being involved with a codependent relationship where you are consistently begging for your partner’s approval over the chance of them leaving you is bad. When you’re more scared of your partner leaving you and being alone, that’s not freedom, that’s emotional slavery.

Your world revolves around your lover

By Sydney Sims on Unsplash

As you dive deeper into a codependent relationship,so do you begin to also lose a sense of yourself. Your identity is basically your lovers, deeming you as just focusing on their needs over your own. You disregard your favorite tv shows to favor her favorite episodes of Greys Anatomy.Or you’ll allow him to cheat on you with other chicks because if you even as once voice your opinions regarding your feelings towards it, he’ll kick you out of his house. So if you don’t want to be alone, you must play along to the abusive behavior of your other half so you can gain a sense of dependency of not being alone.

The Sex is addicting

The sex might also be a contributing factor for you staying hook because it’s totally addicting and your body fiends it like a drug.Because the high we experience from making love and climaxing is almost equal to taking an opium drug that you decide to stick around and serve your abusive partner in hopes that they will eventually break their coldness and have hot steaming sex yet again. The only difference might be that you don’t know when they’ll offer you the sexual validation which keeps you hooked.

This is another reason as to why females often reject nice guys, because they are prediuctable whilist abusive partners are unpredictable in their behavior where you don’t know what’s going to occure next. Will they choose to ignore you and deprive sex and affection this time? For how long? And while they ignore you of this validation, you can’t stop thinking of the last time they gave yo that sexual attention and you can’t stop thinking about it until they give you another bit of attention that you so desperately wanted from them when your partner was cold and distant from you.

By Sammy Williams on Unsplash

You Always Check up on your manipulative partner on social media and your partner disconnects from texting or checking up on you while with other friends.

By dole777 on Unsplash

Do you find yourself consistently checking up on social media or the Myfind app to see if your partner is going to leave you? Are you concern about the whereabouts of your partner when they’re hanging out with other friends of the same sex or opposite? Are you more concern about the stuff they post on social media than they are about your social media activities?

If so, you are officially addicted to your partner in the most unhealthiest way. Even worse, when you’re always checking to see if your partner will text you back while hanging out with other friends or give you some validation as they’re hanging out with other people but disconnect from texting you. When they do this, it doesn’t always mean they’re doing something they shouldn’t but it could mean that you don’t have much of a social life outside of that with your partner or that they could in fact choose ot ignore you because they think you’re too clingy. Sometimes, when they ignore your text while hanging out with other people, they’re actually doing something sneaky behind your back, like getting gutted by Tyrone, or Smashing Stacy’s little tight pussy. There’s nothing you can do about it, but often than not, relationships requires trust, and in 2021, trust needs to be earned,not giving. Also most abusive partners sleep around because they know they can get away with it and feel that you’re a guilt le piece of shit. Perhaps it’s time for you to break up with your manipulative partner, but how do you build up the strengh to do so?

How it ends

Realize your self worth and how it doesn’t have to be defined by your abusive partner. Because you‘re more than just who you’re in a romantic relationship with and it’s a shame how some folks choose to ignore this fact. When you reach within yourself and discover that you don‘t have to be miserable and vunerable with a controlling partner, that’s when you have the courage to stand up and break up with them.

Even if you it means being alone for awhile, you’ll adjust to the single life again. Think of it like this: You survived without them before they came into your life and so there’s a life after them being apart of your life too. If that means, getting a part time job and saving up or purchasing your own car, applying for your own apartment or whatever else, go for it. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner “ I can’t do this anymore and we’re done, I’m breaking up with you now” Do it! Your sanity is more valuable than the misery of constantly worrying about your partner, or consistently checking your phone to see if he or she has sent you a text. You deserve freedom.

Just remember that it doens’t have to be like this, your life could be much better. Be bold and brave and break away from an a cursive codependent relationship because you can do better than what’s happening for you today.

You are worth more than the way your partner perceives you to be

You are worth more than gold and don’t deserve to stay with someone like this because you feel you can’t do any better than this. There are millions of people out there you will treat you better and are healthier partners than the toxic one you’re with right now. You just need to look within yourself and realize that yourself. Sure, being alone or single for a few months might not be comfortable for you, but it’s better this way if it means you can rediscover yourself as a person and work on your self instead of focucsing on what your toxic partner wishes to change about you. Time to break up with your partner and get a life coach to help make your life better. Click here to schedule a life coach that can help you with your own life goals now.

humanity

Kyle Smith

I’m an entrepreneur,up and coming manga artist, and an Apple tech guy.

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