Should You Take Back a Cheater?

Should you ever take back a cheater? It can be really hard when someone betrays your trust, especially someone who you are particularly close to. Depending on the particulars of the situation, it may not be something the relationship can come back from. In the relationship game, sometimes there are no easy answers or clear decisions. You need to make the choices that are best for you, and while others may pitch in ideas for your consideration, ultimately the choice is yours. There are several important things you should consider if you are debating if you should take this person back or make a clean break.

The Cheating Happened for a Reason

There are a lot of different kinds of reasons that people cannot remain faithful. Sometimes it's because their needs are not being met in some way. Other times it can be because the current relationship commitment is not in line with their personal values on relationships. There are also some who cheat because they simply are not committed to their relationship.

If you are considering staying with the person, you need to know why the cheating happened. If this is not addressed, there is a good chance that it will continue to happen again and again. You and your partner will need to have some serious and open discussion about what caused the cheating to take place. Are their needs being met? If not, what do they need? How are you feeling about what they have communicated to you? Are they asking for any compromises? Are they compromises you feel you can handle?

When taking all of this out, emotions can get pretty hot. Don't be afraid to take the conversation slowly, take breaks as needed. If you plan to stay together, you may wish to consider seeing a relationship counselor to help you two work through the issues and help build a stronger foundation.

The Relationship Will Never Be the Same

An important thing to realize is that the relationship will never be the same again. No matter what happens or how the two of you proceed. It may be that the cheating causes you to work things out and it makes the relationship stronger. It also could go the way of making the relationship less supportive and satisfying. No matter which direction it goes, the relationship as you have known it will never be the same. You need to understand that if you are to make an educated choice. Even if you and your partner just agree to back things up and try to be as before, one or both of you has been changed by the cheating and that will have an impact. It could impact the trust in the relationship or even the respect you have for one another. The knowledge of the infidelity will make a difference.

Knowing that things will be different can help you make a decision. Are you alright with things being different? Do you have an idea or hope of how they will be different? Where is the line for you? What do you need to make this right?

Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Betrayal can be a really hard pill to swallow. Depending on your personal history and views on the relationship, it's perfectly okay to say that this will not work out for you. If the betrayal hit you really hard, it may not matter how much you love someone. It can be impossible to forget it or get past it. You deserve to have people in your life that you feel that you can trust. Be honest with yourself and take some time to think about it. Is the relationship worth moving past the betrayal? If it is, are you in a place where you think that is possible?

Staying with someone who you cannot trust is not a testament to how much you love someone, it's a recipe for life-long unhappiness. Being able to repair trust and move past betrayal has nothing to do with how much you may love someone. A desire to try may be motivated by love, but at the end of the day, you can love someone very much but never be able to repair that trust. You are under no obligation to stay with this person, regardless of the countless reasons why you think you should. Your decision should be based on what will make you happy in the long term and what is going to be best for you.

Safety is also an important consideration, but if that is something that needs to be taken seriously, you should do what is in your best interest to keep yourself safe. Concerns about safety leaving a relationship is another topic too big to be covered in a small section of this article. There are a number of supports out there and available. Please keep yourself safe and reach out for help if possible.

Choose What's Right for You

No one can tell you if you should take someone unfaithful back better than you. If you are on the fence about it, take time to really consider it and don't rush the decision. It can be difficult to predict what the future holds so don't be too hard on yourself. Just try to be honest with yourself about where you are at and what you need.

All these things will change from person to person, relationship to relationship, and sometimes even just at different times in your life. You are going to be the best authority on what you need and what you think will work best for you. Talk it out with those closest to you to gain some perspective and go from there. The bottom line is that everyone should get the chance to be happy. What will give you that best chance?

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