Shards Of Being: Ch. 4

SOPHIA

Houston didn’t experience many chilly days during the winter. Today was an exception. The crisp air reminded me it was New Year’s Eve and that there had been actual snowflakes on the ground when I left Marina’s house to pick up some last minute decorations for tonight’s party. Dave drove us into town late in the afternoon and we decided to divide and conquer if we were going to get all these items on Marina’s list in time. We also picked Quinn’s Bakery as our final resting spot before heading back to Marina’s. However, I decided I wanted to pick up some hot chocolate for the road and headed into the local coffee shop first.

The place smelled like fresh coffee beans and gingerbread and it made me miss winter back home. Not that Houston wasn't welcoming and friendly. But nothing could ever beat the warmth from a freshly brewed cup of hot cocoa on New Year’s Eve, in the middle of Times Square. It was a tradition for many New Yorkers such as myself. Let's not forget that it literally prevented your fingers from turning into icicles.

“Hi, what can I get you?” the barista asked politely and I placed my hot chocolate order as my attention quickly turned towards Dave. He'd just finished exiting the men’s bathroom, and Katarina Ramirez, his ex-girlfriend, and the cause of most of our recent arguments, not too far behind him. I watched them inconspicuously as I paid for my drink and stepped aside while I waited for the barista to finish up. Dave and Katarina were sitting together in a booth now. A little too cozy for my liking. But they weren’t exactly touching. They were just talking.

The time to overreact had passed. I didn’t want to come off as some kind of child suffering from a temper tantrum. I was eighteen damn it. I needed to approach the situation with maturity and calmness. It was imperative to be as rational as possible. Did I have that capability in me? Not when it came to Dave. And not when he’d broken the trust I had in him so many times, I lost count.

If he taught me anything, it was how to numb the twinge in me with nothing but silent rage. However, passive-aggressive was my only route at this moment. It was going to piss him off. But I was ready for that argument. He had no right sneaking around with this girl knowing damn well the history the three of us had.

Katarina, like Brian, had been just another distraction from the war Dave and I had started the night we met. They were two hidden tombs that we had yet to acknowledge in our graveyards and we were bound to pay the price for it sooner or later.

“Kat, how nice to see you again,” I interrupted them with an artificial smile, hot chocolate finally in hand as I sat across from them in the booth and their startled faces stared back at me. Dave was the first to break away from me, a piqued sigh escaping his mouth. He knew exactly what kind of volatile ride home he was about to gain after this.

“Sophia, I had no idea you were still in town…” Katarina claimed, flipping her long and mousy brown hair back over her shoulder, clearing her throat as she folded her hands on the table and did her best to avoid my glare. The feminist inside me created the kind of narrative inside of my head that led me to believe this situation wasn't her fault. As women, we sometimes focused the blame on each other more often than the guys inflicting the chaos.

But the enraged little girl inside who's been abandoned since the moment of conception by both her parents, she held no sympathy for this girl at all. The world was unfair, and unkind and how dare this other chick try and take away the only person in the world who could see the real me?

“Funny, I could say the same about you,” I added, looking sharply over at Dave. He stared right back at me, a warning in his eyes that told me to back off. He should know by now that I hardly ever do as I’m told or what's good for me. I loved him despite his faults after all.

“Sophia, it’s time to go. Come on. We have a party to finish setting up for,” he declared, grabbing my hand to pull me up from my seat. I snatched it away, unable to let go of the fact that he thought any of this was okay.

“There are other dicks in Houston you could be riding other than mine, Katarina. Just open your eyes and look. It’s not that hard, sweetheart,” I advised sinisterly, as my inner bitch took over, the anger consuming my entire body. Dave took my hot chocolate and my shaking hand and pulled at me until we were outside of the coffee shop and free from the scene I was starting to make in there.

“You really couldn’t help yourself, could you?” Dave started his grievances and I ignored him all the way to his truck.

“Let me know when you stop being angry at the wrong person so I can explain,” he added nonchalantly as he turned on the heat in his truck and waited for the space to warm up.

“Explain what? That you can’t be satisfied with just me? That you never have been or ever will be? Trust me, I’ve known that for a long time,” I replied furiously. He took a deep breath and stared at the sunset ahead of us outlining the outskirts of town. It was beautiful. Stunning even. If only the fury inside me would let me enjoy it.

“Do you remember when I told you about how Katarina and I had messed around while you and I were on a break?” Dave continued and I shook my head, not believing he would bring this up right now. The memory of that horrible day rushed back into my mind, fueling my anger to the point of tears.

“Sure.”

“Well...she ended up pregnant. I found out right around the time you and started back up again. She had a miscarriage not too long after that and that’s why we’ve been staying in contact. We’re just grieving, Sophia. Nothing else,” he confessed and while his explanation seemed plausible, it also infuriated me even further. How could he get her pregnant? Was he that brain dead to think sleeping with her, getting her pregnant and keeping it from me wouldn’t hurt me eventhough we weren’t together?

I was briefly speechless, trying to form words that could possibly convey the kind of pain I was in, while I contemplated how I ended up giving my heart away to someone who knew how to destroy it in every possible way.

“Just drive, Dave.” The second the engine came to life, I felt my heart beginning to crack again. I didn't think things could get any darker than they already were. And yet we were still here, each sitting in muted devastation while holding each other's hand.

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Despite my sour mood, Marina’s place was ready for her party and it was time to slip into something a little more festive. The black body hugging dress stopped right at my calves and I slipped into my matching heels for the finishing touch. It gave my five-foot-three body a much better frame for this type of dress. I didn’t bother straightening my hair tonight. I merely tamed my natural mahogany curls with some warm water and gel and parted them to the side to put on some hoop earrings.

After I sprayed some of my favorite spicy perfume and pulling on a cardigan, I headed out of Marina’s spare bedroom and into the backyard, where the party had already started without me. I paid no attention to the turning heads in my direction. I knew the red lipstick would cause that reaction and grinned as I caught up to Marina. She looked stunning in her emerald green strapless dress with matching heels. Her sparkling silver eyeshadow only made her stand out more and it seemed like it was on purpose. There were definitely some guys here checking her out.

“Dude, you look hot! I knew that shade of lipstick would be a hit,” Marina complimented, beaming as she greeted me with a hug.

“Thank you, thank you. You take the cake though. That eyeshadow? Perfection. I’m gonna have to accidentally take it with me back to New York,” I teased and she chuckled, shaking her head at me.

“So where’s your plus one? Or are you flying solo tonight?” she asked, hope filling her almond-shaped eyes. I smirked, knowing damn well she couldn’t wait for the day I finally let him go once and for all. As much as Dave and I poured dirty water onto our ship, I wasn't sure what it would take for us to ever let it fully sink.

“I’m here alone, aren’t I?” I answered with a wavering grin. Marina wasn’t buying it. As only a best friend could tell, of course. But she didn’t press me on the subject. She handed me a wine cooler and gave me a side hug. Marina wasn't like me at all. Never pushy or overbearing. And I loved her even more for it.

“You were never the lucky one. He was. Please remember that,” she reminded me and I nodded, appreciating her encouraging words.

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Midnight was ten minutes away and Dave still hadn’t shown up. I didn’t call or text considering we haven’t been on speaking terms since we got back from the messy situation in town. The fact that I hadn't heard from him at all wasn't like him. There was a bad feeling settling in the pit of my stomach, but I set it aside as I stepped outside onto the front yard where it was a bit quieter, phone in hand as I began to dial Dave’s number. The sound of his phone going off behind me caught my attention and caused my heart to race.

He’d been here this whole time?

When I turned to face him, I was caught off guard when I didn’t see him emerge from the shadows. Brian came into view instead, Dave’s bloody ringing phone in hand.

I was frozen in complete terror, my body trembling as it was swallowed whole by severe panic as I wondered what the hell Brian had done to Dave.

“I really hope he was worth it...” Those words were all I heard before I saw Brian pull out a gun from behind him and I heard a gunshot. Everything began to grow dark as I descended onto the ground and into a tragic void of my own doing.

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Everything hurt the second I opened my eyes. The bright lights surrounding me quickly made me close them as I tried to get up. That was when I realized I was laying on something. A bed? Where the hell was I? I squinted so I could see more, but it was impossible to see anything without my glasses. The contacts I'd been wearing must’ve fallen out.

“Sophia? You’re awake? Oh, thank God…” The voice came from Marina. I was sure of it. I could feel her hand reach for mine as she quickly tried to settle me back into the bed.

“Where am I?” I asked, my voice sounding huskier than normal. My throat felt funny too. I reached for it and winced when I felt the pain coursing through my body again. There were bandages wrapped around my abdomen and my chest. A couple of stitches on my arms and legs along with heavy bruising. And I remember nothing of how I got them.

“Houston General Hospital. You were attacked...almost killed...I’m so happy you’re okay,” she explained, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Brian. It was Brian! He attacked me. And...Dave! Where is he? He attacked him too. I don’t know how he found him, but--” Marina covered her mouth to regain her composure and judging from the look in her eyes, something bad happened to Dave. The memories began to clear the fog out of my thoughts and my entire body began to shake with urgency. I needed to find him. I needed to say I was sorry.

“Marina, I have to find him. Please help me up,” I urged her, but she shook her head, still not being able to speak. I felt the gnawing overload of pain wash over me as I tried to process what she was trying to tell me.

“Damn it, Marina! Will you just help me get out of this stupid bed?” I begged her, tears stinging my eyes as I held onto her, swinging my legs over the bed.

“He’s gone, Sophia.” Her words were swimming inside my disheveled brain, but they were everywhere and they hurt more than anything in the entire world. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs held no air, no function, no movement. Everything in me stopped working momentarily as the reality of the situation made itself tangible from my bones to the tips of my fingers.

It was my fault. It was my fault Dave was dead.