Sex Ed & Mental Health...

Welcome to Everything You Need is Within, a Spotify Greenroom live audio show and podcast produced by and for Gen-Z, with me, your host, Gigi Robinson.

Welcome back to another episode of Everything You Need is Within. Tonight, I have somebody incredible that I know all of you are going to love so much, and at whatever point you come in here with any questions, please chat or raise your hand and come up. We are pretty much open book. To let everyone know Everything You Need is Within is a podcast and a live audio talk show that highlights things that are important for Gen Zers to talk about. That can range anywhere from mental health, to disability to sexuality, identity, and so much more out further ado, I'm bringing new friend of mine, Molly Longman who is a new reporter at Refinery 29 And she basically covers everything I just talked about. So I am very, very excited to introduce her to you. So welcome to the call. I'm so happy to have you here Molly.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me. I'm really thrilled to be here and I'm so excited to talk with you, thank you so much again for having me.

Of course, so usually I, you know, just start off the episodes super clear and clean, tell us about yourself. Tell us about your journey to becoming a Refinery 29 Reporter. Like, is there anything that you did that propelled you towards really wanting to, you know, write these stories that are so impactful?

Well thank you so much for the kind words, but yeah so I yeah I'm originally from Iowa and my mom actually owned the newspaper in our town which is like a very small town of like 1000 people. And so yeah, I really kind of had her as an influence, but I didn't know for sure it was what I wanted to do until college I was kind of waffling I was like, should I just be a surgeon like Meredith Grey or should I be a reporter, what should I do? And so I actually remember I was... I kind of had fallen to the magazine program, because I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do and I did know that I liked writing and I liked reading magazines. But I remember sitting outside of my advisors office, and I just like kind of opened an Esquire magazine while I was waiting, and I just read this amazing piece by Chris Jones, it was like an old back issue and it was his Azmi award winning feature about a soldier who was killed in combat and like the ritual of kind of bringing his body home and talking to those who survived him and it was just a really really beautiful piece that talked about life and death in these really universal ways and I was like crying, my advisor called me in and I was like, wow, like, I want to write stories like that like I want to write with heart and make people feel things and tell important stories and so after that I, you know, just did everything I could to get there.

I love that and what would you, I guess, say to your younger self, you know, if anybody is kind of like starting out right now on their path to potentially becoming a journalist or a reporter who's maybe a little unsure like what was that thing that really made you know that this was what you wanted to do, like full time and that like you had faith, making sure that it would work out?

You know, I guess I didn't, I didn't know that it would work out. But if I could talk to my younger self and give myself some advice I would say that A) you know, you're doing a lot like I think that I was always under the impression I was young that I wasn't doing enough to be successful and that I always had to use every minute to be productive, which ultimately could be a little toxic at times and lead to some burnout I think, but I think I would get say I'm doing enough but I also would just like encourage myself and I would encourage Like all young people who want to be reporters to just kind of keep being open and not being afraid to reach out specifically to people who can help you or to people who have interesting stories I think that a lot of people are afraid to approach others and I think like if you admire someone's work you should reach out to them and see what they say and you know the worst that can happen is they don't have time to talk to you or they don't get back to you but at least you tried. And I think a lot of the times a lot more people will be willing to talk to someone, than you think and I think yeah just like telling myself not to be afraid, and to just be fearless and courageous and knock on all the stranger's doors, literally and figuratively.

Yeah, I absolutely love that and so resonate with that I think I initially found you through a piece that you wrote, months ago, I really for I forget exactly what it was but I sent you a message on Twitter and was like, Hey, I you know I think I said something like, I really admire your work like here's a little bit about me like I'm wondering if you'd be open to collaborating, and that was an example of reaching, you know, reaching out to somebody, fearlessly and also kind of befriending rejection because you didn't respond, which was totally fine. No hard feelings at all, but I think the lesson in that is really just be fearless because what's meant to be will be. And if not, then you move on and you find something else and who knows, you may eventually get reconnected like you Molly did, which I think is just so full circle, especially because the piece that we, I helped you like collaborate with and contributed to was really so powerful and I definitely want to do a deeper dive into that but I also wanted to give people some like action steps here because I feel like a lot of people, especially Gen Zers approach change, and also approach doing things that I guess are a little bit more on the scary side or require some bravery with hesitation. And I think part of that is because we do have a fear of rejection. And if we can just be more confident, which was all about like last week's episode is how can you really be that confident. So if you're listening, go back and go to Episode Six, but usually approach everything, knowing that, again, what will be will be. And it's meant to be that way and that was one of the biggest lessons I think I took away from college, I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do, what my major was, I didn't know how it was going to manifest into like a real life job. I thought I was going to go into professional or corporate social media marketing, and instead, I am a freelance artist creative writer, speaker, and I just think it's so interesting because there's not really anything I could have done to exactly prepare me for this moment and like where I'm at right now so just take things day by day and especially if you are Gen Z like you have the opportunity to reach out to anybody that you want from like a student's perspective. I don't know if like any students are going to be listening to this, but when you're still learning. I think there's room, there's more room for error. And I think some people respect that in some ways because they're like, Oh, it's this young student, they don't really know the etiquette yet of cold emails, and you will fall on your face a bunch of times, but again, it'll all be about learning, and it'll be about iterating on that process. So I just think it's so, so important to talk with as many people as you can. And I will also say, on that note, of reaching out to people, do your research, back to what I said before, I, I love complimenting people's work, who, who I really admire and I think that that's something that's amazing about social media because you can just connect with anybody who you meet online or in person and maybe you haven't even met them and you want to learn more about them or about their work. For example, I read this piece of that Molly wrote a while back and I messaged her and then not only did I read that one piece, I read a bunch of other pieces, and I think the biggest mistake that I see when people cold message me or when I've cold message people is not doing the research, I think it's honestly a bit disrespectful when people don't 100% message you with an intention of like, I really want to learn from you and take as much away from this conversation, instead of, I want you to give me all the answers to succeed. Like, it's not that easy. So anyway, I did a tangent and Molly I do apologize if I tangent so far but I, I just tend to do this and I love doing these free flow conversations because that's how I think people talk for the most part. So, I guess with that, I wanted to talk specifically about what you write about at Refinery 29 I know you cover so many different topics including wellness, entertainment, health, sex, ad, you know, COVID, mental health, but now the Olympics, and you've written just so beautifully. How did you decide that you wanted to specifically write about things that matter for lack of better words?

Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you so much. Yes, I definitely am a bit of a generalist journalist, so I guess yeah I think that everybody has a story and everybody's story, definitely matters and I honestly think that what is so important about good journalism is, you know, it is interesting because you could you could talk to anyone you could sit down with any person I think on the planet and they would have an interesting story if you, you know, ask the right questions, and you really get to know them and you kind of dig deep and you take the time and like you said you do your research. I think everybody has a story to tell. I think that I do tend to be honestly more interested and topics that do have a little bit more weight behind them that are a little bit more heavy you could say and a little bit more depressing, some would say, but I really, yeah I really just want to I guess just like tell stories that hopefully will make change. You know I want there to be a bigger universal lesson that we can all learn from every story you know, whether that's about being kind to everybody because you don't know how complicated their life is or, it's about, you know, taking an action step like you said and calling your congressperson to make change I think like every story you know should be serviceable in some way, whether that's you know, causing someone to open their mind open their hearts or, yeah, get on the phone with their senator, I think those are kind of the stories I'm interested in telling so yeah,

That is so powerful and honestly I think, again, that's why I gravitated towards your work because I am so interested in learning, constantly from whoever it is like about the things that people really, really care about, and the things that I think are going to make the most impact so I find like a lot of the times, these heavier stories do carry more weight because a lot of the times they really are affecting more people than we think. So on that note, kind of like, how do you carefully craft these stories in such a delicate way because there's ways to talk about mental health, and, you know, sexual assault, and body image and there's also ways to not, again, I think you do it so beautifully, but how do you how do you like do that?

Yeah, yeah, I think that, well thank you so much for saying that. But I think that a lot of it is research you know something that I do that I know that in some ways I'm so lucky to be able to do it because I have a really supportive boss. But I do a ton of research, and I just try to talk to as many people as I possibly can for a story, even if it's due that day like I'll just like whole you know, email a bunch of experts and see if they can potentially hop on the phone, like in the next hour even sometimes because I just think that, yes you can glean a lot from reading online doing your research that way but I think that talking to people in communities and, you know, getting perspectives from experts, actually on the phone is just so much more impactful and will give you so much context for whatever you're writing about. I also specifically when it comes to things like crime or sexual assault specifically, I always turn back to the Columbia Dart Center for Journalism which has some really just amazing resources for reporting with sensitivity. But yeah, I think you're right, I think a lot of people... there is a wrong way to do it you know I think that there are a lot of reporters who are working hard to report on issues like consent or sexual assault mindfully and in a way that won't do more harm than good, that are sharing powerful stories but I also think that there are tabloids and other people in media who aren't always being responsible, and are even like muddying the waters about what consent means, which is why, like, as we conducted on our sex education story. We were talking about how consent isn't taught in school. Well it's not taught in media, either and in pop culture there are so many just detrimental representations of what consent is and what it means and all the context to it, like we were talking about media, specifically, I think that a lot of reporters fall into asking like why questions, and why is a typical way to start a question but not if you're asking something like, why were you wearing that or why didn't you, why did you go to that party or why did you say no. But really, truly, it doesn't matter why someone went or whether they're wearing a bucket hat or a miniskirt, assault is assault. And I think that that's something that like we all need to be more mindful of and there are resources and there are experts and I think that just making sure that you always have the context and making sure that you always have done your due diligence to report sensitively. If you're talking to sources, let them know that they can always change their mind and just like really listening. Instead of trying to just like tell the most juicy story can is just so important. So, yeah.

That is, I think so powerful. It's really, I guess just to reiterate to anybody listening, like what Molly just said is, make sure you're telling a powerful story but like, don't tell the story, so that it blows up and is a viral story. Tell the story because it matters. I think right now, I'm actually in a class in my, my graduate degree and it's called Narrative storytelling and we focus on all different kinds of storytelling. And at the end of the day you know we'll write all these nonsense stories will make different kinds of social media stories and things like that that are completely made up for the class, but on the note, those are moments where you could choose to make something impactful or you can choose to just, you know, do the assignment. And I think there's also like a line there because sometimes, especially in tabloid journalism, or, I don't know what other kinds of terms are used for tabloid media but that's usually created to spread gossip, and I think that's like very unique which is totally the opposite of what you do and also I want to dive a little bit deeper into what you were talking about with sex ed but before I also just wanted to share with anybody listening that may have a trigger warning like I just wanted to put that out there and also if you have experienced sexual violence or in need of any kind of support, you can call the like RAIN sexual assault hotline or the Trevor Lifeline and I will link those in the description of this episode, in case you need it. I always want to make things accessible for my listeners. So, here you go, and this is also on the bottom of the Refinery 29 article that Molly wrote, and I contributed to and briefly this article really struck home with me, because I saw, I mean, while I wasn't in high school too long ago, I was that was like five, six years ago, and in my entire four years at a New York City public high school, the only time that I had a sex ed class was in the four months leading up to my graduation, preparing me for college. And once I got to college, I don't even think I had to do anything at FIT, and when I got to USC, they made us do kind of like an online training. So, the real beauty of this article, as it's titled The sex education or "Sex education in the United States is broken but it doesn't have to be" right? There's a reason why I think we see horrific stats of, I think one in seven women being assaulted, and I think part of that has to do with the sex education system being broken, and nothing's changing it's acting as if, you know we're stuck maybe in like the 1970s or something. I don't know what kinds of things they taught back then, but I can tell you it's unfortunately not really progressing forward and that's what this highlight so, Molly. Why, you know, like, what do you think I think was like the biggest takeaway of reporting on that? Because I know you talked to a lot of different people from a lot of different perspectives and you covered things like STIs, and you also covered consent. What's like, yeah, just like what are the what are the takeaways there and like, what was the initial interest in reporting on that?

Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, well I was really interested in this topic. And we actually did a huge package around it at Refinery 29 with a ton of different actually Google web stories and articles and resources, kind of providing people with just like education on questions that they were having to Google because they didn't learn any of the information in school so like, you know, is it okay to have HPV or is it okay to say no, just things like that, and we partner with advocates for us and we talked to like medical doctors to make sure everything was really just like super well reported and backed by science and everything. But yeah, it was just so important to us to do this because, as one expert I spoke to said, there really just is a patchwork of laws and it's uneven and basically only, I think, 28 states and DC mandate that both sex ed and STI education be taught in schools and then only 18 states mandate that that information is all medically accurate. So that's a huge problem. And so we knew that that was an issue and we knew people were just having these big holes in their education and we kind of wanted to figure out what some of them were so we did a survey of 1500 people, and we found out that even though, 80% of our respondents received formal sex ed in high school or middle school like only 5% of them said that that had fully prepared them for the real world, and that is super concerning because unlike calculus, navigating sexuality and sex and relationships is something that you will use like all throughout your life. And so it's definitely a lot of people don't want to talk about it with their parents or the parents aren't comfortable talking about it with their kids. And so it's really something that you should have in school, some of the findings that really stood out to me were you know there was a huge problem where LGBTQ kids were not represented in curriculums, I thought that was really just upsetting. I was, I mean I, as I was reporting I learned that five states still require that only negative information be provided about being queer, and there were even like 12 more that require that teachers have a positive emphasis on heterosexuality. So, that was so disheartening. There were also so many race disparities and education and who gets what education, and when it comes down to it, it's like it really, you could be getting a totally different education than someone else based on what state you live in what district you live in, whether you go to public school or Catholic school, or charter school you know it just really depends, and I think that's something I really wanted to do was like, show all those stats in a human way. So I talked to people about how, like, what they didn't learn impacted them in really tangible ways, and some of the stories were so powerful you know they really just like made me think and made me made my heart hurt in so many ways you know and like you mentioned consent. That was one of the pieces parts of the story that really stood out to me as well I think that, I think that like you said, yeah, they're like one in seven women experience sexual assault. I saw a range that while I was reporting that was like, every 68 seconds, an American who sexually assaulted, so it's a huge problem and the fact that people aren't learning about it is so detrimental and one thing that you mentioned in the story that I thought was really such a good point was that, you know, a lot of people are learning about consent, even though most of the experts I talked to said that that should start in kindergarten go all the way through when like start with like saying you don't have to hug a relative if you don't want to, or saying like you don't have to share your cookie. If you don't want to, you can say no. But, yeah, but I thought your point was so important that, especially like I think once kids are in high school you can talk to them about, or really even sooner you should be giving kids resources for what to do, and assault does happen, and like you said, I'm so glad you mentioned in length, the RAIN sexual assault hotline, which is 1 800 656 HOPE. But yeah, I think that it's so important to make sure that people have resources and also just when you're teaching this stuff to do it in a trauma informed way like thinking about that, you know someone in your classroom could have experienced a sexual assault and kind of giving kids the option to even like leave the room and not have to raise their hand if they needed to, you know it's important. And so absolutely I'm having gone to public school my whole life and then going to larger, much larger like private university.

I think it's really interesting because, like, if there is something that streamlined let's say there is, you know, when you first get to campus, this is all theoretical this didn't happened, although I wish it did. Because, again, also for context everyone we're referencing the article that I put in the chat box and I will also link in the description of this episode. It is about the sex ed education system in the United States, and it really does provide like Molly said very tangible ways that we can improve a lot of our, I think, sad spots, and specifically I want to talk about consent, right now. And again, I think for anybody that is triggered by that, feel free to drop off or like skip through to like maybe like 10 minutes after this, but the, the biggest thing, and the biggest mistake is theoretically, if there were to be a seminar, or something mandatory for the entire class to go to together regardless of your identity, or I think sexuality or anything along those lines. If you were to go, and then walk out if that was an... like it was mandatory and you walked out, you run the risk of being ostracized in a way, by some people because they might be like, Oh, that is very obvious that you know so and so, walked out, and this is a trigger spot for them so in a way I feel like it's it's kind of interesting because it can make you more vulnerable, but at the same time, I think it would be a way to give people these really concrete scenarios where you're like, oh no that would never happen to me, or that would never happen to my friend. But the reality is, when something as traumatic as an assault can happen, often times, at least in college that I personally experienced when being in situations with certain friends was, how can I do something to make sure that I'm okay in the event that something happens to me? Right? And that is what, what we're not taught in these scenarios we're taught about, oh, you know, go to the Student Health Center, go to the emergency room get a get a, you know rape kit on make sure that you're never alone, girls always cover your drink. You know, don't wear too low of the skirt, things like that, we're not taught. Okay, this is what you actually need to do after so that you can, like, heal mentally and emotionally and physically. So that, that was just really important to talk about and I know we did talk about it in depth but it, it really is troubling to me how, again back to high school, in high school we're taught about sex ed in a way that almost makes it this like, like, like funny thing like we're handling it with comedy like, I don't want to call it dark humor but we kind of refer to, like, you know, boobs is like watermelons or like, you know like, it's just like a very like early you learn how to put a condom on a banana, and that's like, okay, that is not reality. Right. So how can we teach people things in a safe, vulnerable, light way, that is also very what's like very delicate. So yeah, that just wanted to touch on that and I really do appreciate all of the work you've done on it because it's absolutely amazing.

Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, those are so many great points yeah I think that knowing that, like aftercare is more than just like you said, going to your Campus Health Center or the ER or whatever it's, it's going to, you know, go to resources that will help your mental health for long term you know I think it's a lot more aftercare than people want to talk about or are prepared to talk about, and the thing you mentioned that the giggling and kind of like the levity is so interesting, I did interview, a really smart educator for the piece, who kind of talked a little bit about that, and she said that she works up in the Hudson Valley, her name's Amy Anderson and she said that she actually like thinks that one solution to that is like making sure that you're building trust with your kids like it can't just be a one unit one day thing but it's, you know like accepting that they're going to be like cause, often teenagers like they're going to be giggles, at the beginning, and kind of talking to them about like, why it isn't funny and like why and you know, asking them why they're giggling and then just like through time building trust so they're comfortable asking the questions that they actually have and listening to the answers without making jokes but I also think she was really good educator and not everyone is equipped to do that because I do think teaching the stuff is, is also a very hard job. So, yeah.

Absolutely, it's like, how can you how can you teach it to people and kids and like kids like anyone under the age of 18 is obviously a minor, so like, how can you talk about things that are scary, quite frankly, that are in PG 13 that in our rated movies right. How can you deliver that in a way that is protecting the kids in a way, because, I mean, this is actually something I, that just popped into my head right now. On the note of will education around this kind of like make people scared to even have experiences in in the future. And the reason why I kind of also asked this question is recently I watched this show, it's called Working Moms on Netflix and one of the characters, ends up like you know going on some dates with like a new lady friend, and he just learns about the concept of consent. So like he doesn't want to touch her, he doesn't want to kiss her, he doesn't want to do anything with this lady without being like, is it okay if I do this, so then it's like, what's like the boundary, obviously, it was a very very over the top because it was an actual TV show with a comedy drama, but.

What do you kind of think about that notion of, like, in a way, like scaring, scaring youth into having this mentality?

Well I don't think that it has to be scary, you know, I think that we live in such a society where it's like almost normalized, not to ask for consent like we grew up using Sleeping Beauty for God's sakes. And we just really I think have like kind of almost like because of a lot of entertainment, media, and just, I think, just general culture, we learn, and even like pornography, we learn that, you know, it's like... asking for consent isn't necessary, you know, people just like dive into passionate kisses and it's like assume that that's what it's like. But I think that, like, the more we talk about consent in class, and the more we normalize it from like a younger age, the more it'll just be normal and it won't be scary, you know, and ask and they won't. And it won't be weird, it will just be like, Oh, can I kiss you and that will be a hot question and that will be a part of it hopefully eventually. But I do think I do think that it's, if it's scaring you and making you uncomfortable, like sometimes it's good to feel discomfort I think we've learned over the past few years, and I think that, I don't know I think that if it's scary that like reflects problems with our within our culture, you know?

Yeah, I love that. And on that note, I would love to dive into one or two I guys of your other more recent articles on the Olympics around mental health within the industry of sports, specifically, our Olympians who are well decorated heroes and icons, and just such powerful people in our society but I think the most, one of the most interesting things about this is, sometimes we idolize them to the point of, maybe not even realizing that like these are real people too and they do experience real things so I know you wrote an article kind of about what was going on with Simone Biles and how she decided not to compete in the Olympics, and also on the piece that you wrote about Sha'carri Richardson suspended for using cannabis, and I just wanted to kind of like dive into why talking about mental health is so important. Aside from like, you know, everyone has their problems, how can we, like you were saying if something scares you, like, run towards it in a way it shows us that there's a problem, how can we make mental health, not a problem anymore for people to talk about I think in media.

Yeah, yeah, well I do believe that the fact that so many celebrities, including Simone Biles who is just such a hero and amazing, I think that the more people who are in prominent positions talk about it, the more normalized, it will be and the more you know, people will just start thinking it on the daily and I actually do think that the pandemic, although it's horrific, has brought mental health to the forefront and made people a little bit more willing to talk about it just because everyone has gone through so much collective trauma during the past year and a half. And so yeah but I think that celebrities like Simone Biles and Aly Raisman, and some of the athletes that I talked to for my story about Olympian mental health, and Michael Phelps who just did that documentary Weight of Gold about athlete mental health, that was really good. I think just the more we talk about it, the more, others will be comfortable talking about it, but I do think it's going to take some time, I think, you know, I live in New York City and I go to therapy and all my friends go to therapy, and I also you know have a lot of friends still in Iowa, where I'm from my super small town and I think there's a world of difference between those two places and kind of the comfort level of talking about mental health and prioritizing it and thinking about it as something that everyone should be working on but I do think that the more we encourage people to seek resources and to give them the tools to help themselves, you know, whether that's like reporting more on how to find a therapist and like the mechanics of that, or even just like reporting on different ways to incorporate mindfulness into your to your daily life, I think it's so important and I just think it's something that everybody can work on it's kind of like, you know, going to the gym or something, you know, it's like, or even just it's, I guess that's not even a good example I think it's just something that we can always work on whether we're in crisis or not whereas I think a lot of people assume that something bad really truly terrible has to happen and that would be what prompts you to go into therapy but in fact like I think a lot of experts will tell you and I found that going to therapy and kind of working on yourself on the regular will, you know, make you better prepared if a crisis does come so yeah I don't know if that's tangent, but I do think that talking about it more, it's so important.

Yeah. And on that note, I think, in the same sense that you can't always see somebodies chronic condition, you absolutely can't always see somebody's mental health condition. So always respecting people and coming to people with an open mind knowing that you have literally no idea what's going on with them while yes, you may be able to resonate with another person living with like anxiety or another person living with depression or maybe another person living with an invisible illness. Bottom line, specifically about these Olympians, dropping out of the Olympics, and out of World Championships. I don't think a single person besides the Olympians like there right now, or who have been to the Olympics before would be able to really 100% relate. I think that they're obviously, like, a very far extreme moment and for anybody else who is not at their level, for anyone else who's not at their level to really be critiquing them on their mental health and the way that they're feeling, I just think is honestly very asinine and just over the top wrong. So, to anyone listening, if there's anything that you're going through right now know that like, I'm always somebody who you can DM. I will do my best to filter through and read it and hopefully I can provide some resources to you in any way but I 100% agree talking about it, is not something that's scary. I also go to therapy for I specifically see a chronic pain, therapist, because just a regular therapist has been a little ... it's not as specialized but on the note of that, there's a lot of accessibility barriers there. I am very fortunate and I, I call myself out on my own privilege all the time but I have a really great health care plan, because my mom's a nurse so I am able to access a very specialized medical team, and I know that people who often are looking for therapy, cannot always necessarily afford it, that was one of the biggest obstacles that was presented, while I was at USC, actually, is that they were so understaffed and so many people needed mental health resources, and they couldn't provide it. So I think we really do need to do a lot of restructuring, re... restructuring and reprogramming for education systems whether that starts in high school, middle school, or like college levels I think it's just extremely important and I do want to leave some time to see if anybody has questions if you do at this point, like, just feel free to come on, like, raise your hand or write them here in the chat if you're not comfortable coming on. But before we do that, I wanted to ask you two more questions. The first one is, are you working on, anything exciting that you can share with us so that we can all check you out and like, look at your work in the future.

Yeah, yeah. I am, I'm actually so we're our sex reeducation package that I've been talking about is actually kind of going to be an extended thing so we're working on some more things for that. I personally am looking into a longer form reported story about consent in small towns, so really interested, please reach out to me if you have any stories to share about that. And yeah, otherwise, I think it'll just be some more Olympics coverage and more good stuff coming up. Yeah, I'm excited about it but yeah and also just a quickly follow up on your note about about the disparities in health care and getting access to mental health I think it is so complicated I think even if you are in a place of privilege, where you have health insurance, it's so hard to find someone who's available at a time and talk to them and who does take your insurance, who you like and one thing that's like worth mentioning though is I think it's so much work either way, but one thing that experts have told me in the past that I thought was a good thing to know was that there are like more affordable services usually through universities and hospitals, where people who are training to be licensed mental health counselors will talk to you sometimes for free and then they'll compare notes with a therapist, and they're training for it, and they'll be like working with a professional who is licensed on your case to consult but it is like a free way to kind of access therapy if you can kind of go through the steps to get to it but just thought that was worth mentioning.

There's ... that's amazing and it just reminded me, I'm actually doing, which this is a prime example of what I like to call brain fog, because it was at the time it was literally in my show, like, questions that I went to ask you I was like, oh, like, make sure you references Gigi. And I totally blanked out, but I'm actually I found this new app recently it's called the Hapi app, HAPI. And it's kind of like a hotline like that's live and you can call a therapist, and talk to a licensed professional like at any time and I'm pretty sure the app is free. You can also chat them at any time. So at the very least anyone listening, like, feel free to go to their... I'm doing an ad with them on Instagram, but this is not a sponsored episode by any means and the only reason I want to talk to you all about it is because I genuinely love it and I think it's a really great resource when you don't have you know like, the maybe like the best health care or, or if you do need something in a pinch or if it's the middle of the night and you, your friends are asleep and you want to talk to somebody, there's like 24/7 help on there so that is another amazing thing I just wanted to mention, and one of my other favorites which I have worked with in the past because again I do you love it, I love therapy, all of the therapies, I've said this in many episodes like physical therapy, psychology, or what's it called psychotherapy, behavioral cognitive therapy, occupational therapy, the list goes on. Anyway, my last question for you, Molly is kind of like, what is your mantra that keeps you going? The title of the show is called "Everything You Need is Within" that's one of my mantras, what is yours?

Yeah okay, can I have two? Well one that I think kind of goes with the theme of this that is something I think my parents always really kind of tried to instill in me is that like everyone is more complicated than you think they are, you know, nobody, I mean, I don't think anybody's truly just a villain or truly just a hero, I think everybody's complex and you never know what someone's going through. And so it's best to just be try try to be kind to everyone and listen to them when they are talking, even if you don't agree with those ideas and think that they might be toxic in fact even. And then the second thing I guess that I really just try to live by kind of ties in with that and it's you know, just be kind and be confident without being cocky.

Yes, I love both of those. Those are amazing. I hope anybody listening can find some peace or inspiration, and hearing both of those. But seriously, thank you so much, Molly, for this like exclusive interview talk with one of again my favorite journalists out there so you're the best. Now I want to officially open up the stage if anyone wants to come up and ask a question, or, you know, whether that's to me or to Molly or about mental health or consent. I like to leave the last 10 minutes of each show exclusively devoted to all of you listeners, so if you do want to come up just like, raise your hand. And otherwise, we can just kind of hang out. And also, Molly, sometimes like this part of the show, like I just, I just hang out here. So, might be a little quiet until somebody has a courage to raise their hands sometimes they don't.

No, that's fine yeah no. Well I'm excited to hear from people but also so much for all your amazing questions and also I wanted to say that yes I am so sorry that I missed your initial Twitter message I think it's like hidden within my many, my insane inbox on Twitter. I'm so glad we could finally connect, wanted to just say that.

Oh, of course, yeah. No hard feelings I totally get it and I, I'm glad, so glad as well. But it looks like we do have a question or something coming in from Garret and also from Wayne so when I'm gonna like Garret go first, and then you can go ahead.

Um, well, thank you for hosting this room, thank you for the invite. Sorry I took so long to hop in here because I was working, I was on my way to work on my way home from work, so that's why I couldn't hop in immediately... I did get home safely. Oh, that's the that's the good thing that's the good thing. That's why I didn't happen soon, sooner I was at work I couldn't hop in at work, I'm like nah I can't do that yet. Yes, yeah, I'm happy you said, um, a quick question. Um, I think I may have missed like the majority of your conversation with Molly, I may have to like go back and go back and maybe like listen to it on whatever platform you use to record your episodes on or whatever, whatever platform you use to upload them, more so than anything.

They will be uploaded in a couple of weeks so just hang tight.

Gotcha. Okay, so I think my thing with mental health, I've learned more so probably within the last probably two to three years, honestly, I've learned that it's so like, like me, I was always that person that would kind of do do worry about others especially those who are like close to me but I would always forget about myself and then like, I'd be like, physically, physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally tired, and, and like I would never like you know take time and just like work, and sometimes my mental would be just drained from work or whatever and I'm and now, like, now recently, if, like say if I don't, if I feel like my mental isn't right, I may just be like, You know what, I'm just not, I may not deal with it. I may not talk to people, I may just kind of like stay to myself or whatever. And for the longest time like certain people may not understand that but people who are close to me they don't understand. If I'm not, if, if I feel if I feel person that I'm not right mentally I don't, I don't want you to get upset, if I don't reach out to you... I may not reach out to you I just, I may be like okay I need space right now. When I'm ready to talk to, I will talk to you. I may not bring it up, I may not tell you what's going on but I'll tell you, Hey, I was dealing with some things I kind of needed some space I don't want to I want to worry you, that kind of thing. So that's been my whole thing. Yeah, and I suppose that was my last job when I was working, I'd be so tired mentally and I'd be tired, and I come home, like, I will literally be emotionally, mentally drained I'm like, I can't do this, I can't do this and anybody will tell you like if you come home from a job and you're mentally and emotionally exhausted. You either need to mentally you need to mentally reset, find a new job or find or find a job where your mental isn't worn out by everyday you come home. Right, and that's that and that's Oh my bad Go ahead.

Oh, again, I want to thank you for your, your vulnerability and sharing your story, I would say that what you're talking about is something... one of my favorite topics, honestly, is about knowing what your boundaries are with yourself so that you can better communicate them to other people. Now, the difficult part is exactly what you're saying, the communication part of it. How can you communicate to your friends or to new people that you meet, without really, like, damaging the friendship, and that really takes time and it takes practice, and it is definitely something that is, is challenging to do and over the past year, fortunately or unfortunately it's forced me to really dive deep within myself to figure out emotionally how much I can withstand to protect my mental health, and also to protect my friendships. So, that is, That is kind of what I'm thinking on that. And again, thank you so much Garrett, I'm gonna pass it over to Wayne because I only have a couple more minutes but, oh, no, you're good.

Yeah, thank you for sharing Garrett I think that's such a yeah such a good point. Yeah, it's like, put your own safety mask on first. Yeah, if we had more time, I would ask you like how you got to that point to be able to set those boundaries but yeah maybe we'll just have to host a separate small room.

Yeah, let me know.

Yeah, yeah I'll invite you in the future. And when yeah okay Wayne, you say your piece and then I see we did Molly we got a question for you from Kosi in the chat box which I can read after when.

Hey, Gigi thank you for the bring up, how you doing?

Doing amazing. Thank you.

How about you Molly?

Doing so well yeah thanks for asking.

I just wanted to ask you, with you know, what is your ideal self care? I know being a creative, it can be hard to kind of, you know pencil that in and get that time in so what do you what do you like to do for self care in order for your mental health to be up to par?

Yeah, yeah that's a good question. I think I need to strike a balance of doing stuff on my own for me like working out or going for a run and talking to my friends and family, I'm definitely an extrovert who, like, wants to be around people all the time but I also at work, you know, I'm often talking to people in meetings or I'm interviewing people all day so it's a lot of it's a lot of just interaction which is something luckily I love, but sometimes I do forget to just like take a few beats by myself, and so usually what I try to do is like one thing that I really love is running and I just feel like I can kinda connect and not like think about anything else or look at my phone or anything when I'm doing that, so I really like that. But yeah, I, for so, so long you know the day would get busy and I'd end up like working late that I would just like either like have to go to my next event or go to bed and I would just like not have time but actually putting those like workouts or like that me time on my calendar... um, actually scheduling it in helps me it's probably sad that I have to, but it just like made sure... me kind of make sure that I was doing it, and I even have like I went so far as to make a Google Doc, where I plan out like my self care for the week. I'm just like it's pretty loose like, you know, on Monday, this and this is like, you know, I have one block for like what I plan to do and then I have one block for what actually happened so I can kind of keep myself accountable for what I'm actually doing but yeah that's kind of how I do it.

First of all, that is not sad at all. I mean, it is absolutely no different than if you were to sign up for like a barre class each day, it's just the self regimented one so I think that's amazing, and I wish I liked running but I do like going out for walks and I a lot of the times, will make walks like scheduled to take my dog out at certain parts of the night, because I love my dog and that's like what I do for self care, Wayne. I also love like face masks and bubble baths and all that like regular stuff. But yeah, that's, that's pretty much it. And on that note, I wanted to, Kosi has a question for you, Molly, it says, How do you push through getting your ideas to your superiors when they highlight things like mental health, because a lot of times there can be creative blocks or there can be like a block in wanting to talk like bring it up to somebody higher. Like, how do you kind of go about that?

Yeah so or story ideas that involve mental health, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. You know I think that I like, a really amazing manager named Mirel, who I actually, she was like, my favorite editor at the job I had before this at Shape magazine and then luckily for me, she ended up working here as well and being my manager. And yeah, I feel like we still get very open relationship we meet once a week and so I do feel very open and like, able to be able to like come to her with my ideas. I think sometimes, like I'll have a pitch that's a little bit heavier, and you know some things you just like pitch or via Slack or like email or something, and I, or like even in a group meeting but then I think that there are some stories that are really sensitive that you just really need to talk through and you need to kind of think through as well and bounce ideas off of each other to make sure you're covering something in a really sensitive way. Right, and so we have, like, one on one individual meetings once a week, but sometimes we take them more often than that if we have like a big story that really kind of needs to be handled super sensitively and talk through an appropriate amount, so yeah that's kind of how we do it but luckily I guess I'm so lucky to have a manager who really hears me out, and totally like likes my ideas and she gives me great ones too. So yeah, shoutout to Mirel.

I think like that, back to what we said the beginning of the episode of kind of like shooting your shot but with research in mind like having gone through and having well like I work in a different field I also work in a creative field and basically a big part of my job is pitching to brands like, Hey, let me do a creative partnership with you let me create, like, really cool work, and obviously, sometimes it's, it's harder than others when it is about something like therapy or, you know, something having to do with your chronic illness but even back to college if I want to talk about getting like a paper approved. Sometimes, depending on what course you're in in college or what, what your class curriculum is you have to get like a project approved and you have to talk through it with your teacher. And for me, when I was first coming up with my ideas for my senior thesis, I did a lot of the research beforehand so I would be able to talk really intelligently on it. And I brought it to people who weren't interested. And that was something that was so difficult for me to the point where like, I ended up like petitioning and being like, give me a new teacher, I need to do this project. But the point of it was, it was about my experience living with a chronic illness and how that affected my mental health in words and in photos so it was a photo essay. And it was also my thesis, and it was this huge body of work that I'd been working on for a year, at that point, and to have somebody shoot my ideals down was so emotionally and mentally hard, but so I haven't 100% dealt with it in a, in a fully professional setting, yet, but at the same time I kind of find peace knowing that I felt that resistance because like you said earlier when you're met with resistance or when you're met with pushback, there's often a spark of curiosity that comes out of it. And I think that that's what can really inspire a lot of like the momentum around the story or the, the work, whatever that is. So, yeah, that's kind of like where I wanted to close out the episodes if you have any responses to that that's that's good and otherwise, like, yeah.

Yeah, no I think that's such a good point and yeah and just being persistent and yeah pushing through and yeah not taking no for an answer sometimes you know if you have a good idea like honing it, strengthening it, sharpening it is great but yeah I think that there are so many benefits to so it sounds like it was an amazing thesis. Yeah, but thank you so much did you for all these insightful questions and just having me on, it was it's been so great.

Oh my gosh. No, thank you. You're the best, again everyone this is Molly Longman. Where can people find you before I do the ending remarks, like on ... your link, I'll put your link in the description I also put it here in the chat box. But yeah, just tell us where people can find you, Or where you want to be found for that matter.

Perfect, yes. Well, I'm, I am mollongmen on Twitter. And so, no, why would it just Moll, but yeah and then you can read my work on Refinery 29.com right now.

Woohoo, well, seriously, thank you so much. This was an incredible conversation. Your works amazing, I'm honored that you're here.

You're amazing.

Thank you to all of our lovely listeners and our audience today, I really appreciate you. That's a wrap on episode seven of Everything You Need is Within with Gigi Robinson, so thank you all again, and I will catch you next week.