S.I.N.G.L.E

I've been single for years and I never complained. I always thought being single was a problem. People use to always tell me "Why don't you have a boyfriend. I thought in my head I was like " Can you just stop!" It was annoying. All the other girls were always "taken" and the saying still fits me : "single as a pringle." My life went down in a spiral real quick.

Here comes the drama that one I didn't want to have. In high school this guy supposedly thought we were dating. We faked holding hands we faked everything. I absolutely hated him! He just wanted the attention and the love but I haven't felt one bit. Ugh so I told him to his face "I don't like you and this fake love so i'm not doing this fake relationship or whatever you call it." He didn't bother me anymore we went separate ways. I still felt weird going by him in the hallways. My friends were glad I was out of that mess. It was one hell of a ride. It could've been worse. All I can say is a weight has been lifted off my shoulder.

But there came upon this really big feeling of being empty and lost. I always thought I wasn't strong or beautiful enough to have a boyfriend. I was stuck in this hole and it got deeper and deeper. The depression kicked in and off I go. When I meant "off I go" I went on every dating app known to man. Bumble, Tinder, Hot or Not. I met a couple hotties. Definitely did not prefer blondes but some of them definitely fit my taste. There bios seemed too good to be true. So I met a couple of them, some good some bad. Three or four of them we hit the homerun but all the others we just hung out and vibed with each other. I felt secure with each one but then here comes the bad part. The after effect being used or being lied to and etc. I would come home crying because of that.

So what I did, I sat down on my iPhone and just deleted each one of those dumb fake love and sex apps. Man did I feel better. It came a time to just think of myself and review how I feel about myself. So I started journaling and reflecting on why I did this and how it made me feel. I felt a relief and secure that I didn't have to rely on a stupid app or fake attention from guys. In the beginning I thought they were the greatest invention ever. Turns out they completely destroyed my self-esteem. My mother supported my decision on giving up these apps. She never felt so proud of me in awhile. This meant something big to her.

Now after all that mess and chaos, I started to do the things I really needed to do such as: focusing on school, creating new hobbies, making positive friends, and etc. I started getting away from all the boy drama and started to use relaxation techniques to help me stay sane. I am working on loving myself and creating a better version on myself. I am still proud of who I am to this day. Every day I choose to be great and always kind to myself because everyone deserves to be kind to themselves too. To all the girls out there: You are beautiful and go and be the best version of yourself! It's never too late to start loving yourself again. You got this ladies!