The Rules of Poly, Swinging, and Open Relationships

by Lena Bailey 15 days ago in advice

there are rules

The Rules of Poly, Swinging, and Open Relationships

So I wrote about these types of relationships before but I want to go over the rules. It's important that you understand these rules. I will say that not all relationships of this kind are the same.

The most important things are communication and boundaries. You have to talk to about everything. You can't just assume that because you had the conversation about being open or poly or swingers that you did enough. You have to have other conversations like what are the boundaries or rules for you guys. The conversations look different for everyone and every situation. With boundaries or rules that is up to you, it can be anything from all partners have to be talked about to not going out with someone else on certain days. You need to express your needs with all partners. With a tripod (3 person couple) communication will always be between the three of you. Everyone in the tripod has to be included.

You can't keep things from your partner, if you do, that crosses the line into cheating. This includes starting a new relationship without telling your main partner. Also this may be a good one for everyone: don't date someone who your main partner doesn't trust or approve of. You shouldn't date someone with ill intentions for you or the other partners.

Condoms are always a good idea unless you have talked about not using condoms. Not using condoms could risk STIs/STDs or pregnancy. Some partners maybe body fluid monogamous, meaning they are the only ones who don't use condoms.

Beyond the one partner rule you still have to follow most of the other rules of monogamy. Communication, honesty, and trust are still important in poly, swinging or open relationships. You have to respect all the partners involved, their time and feelings need to be respected at all times.

If you do have kids, don't expect partners to take care of or interact with kids that aren't theirs. Some people do have partners around their kids but that's up to each person. A lot of swingers wait for child-free times to have their other partners around.

Scheduling is a huge thing with swinging, poly and open relationships. If you do have a primary partner, they need to come first. Google calendar could help they will give you reminder. With tripods, scheduling is a little bit easier because all of the partners will be involved in all or most plans.

With swinging, it may be a one time thing with a certain so don't catch feelings. This is includes jealousy. If you do catch feelings you will have to either have a conversation or move on.

It's ok to be jealous or insecure but that's where communication and journaling will help. Sometimes you may even worry about where you stand with your partner but again communication will help. Jealousy is not the end of the world in these types of dynamics. You have to be open and honest with all partners about how you feel. If the jealousy continues and there's nothing you guys can do to fix it you may have to stop doing these kinds of things or end the dynamic.

In all of these relationships if it's okay for you to do something, then all of your partners should to be able to do that one thing too. For example you are able to give blow jobs to anyone you want, any partner attached to you has to be able to give blow jobs to anyone they want. If you aren't okay with that then you shouldn't be able to do that.

Again, these relationships are different for everyone and the couples. I hope you learned something in this and if you have any questions let me through my email [email protected]

advice
Lena Bailey
Lena Bailey
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Lena Bailey

Believe in the paranormal, learn to love each other and be kind. 

If you have any questions or comments email me, [email protected]

See all posts by Lena Bailey