Relationship dreams from MTV cribs

Sometimes you just got take a deep breath and start again. Or better yet make a different choice and stop comparing your life and your relationships to others especially on the internet.

I just got the urge to start writing this catharsis message to myself and anyone else who may read this.

Where do I even start?

Ok here goes..

So I had a lot of big hopes and dreams when I was kid, in fact some would say grandiose, delusional, if I’m being totally honest I still do. What if that is ok and not wrong? Also what would it take for them to actually come true?

I use to think everyone had the same grand ideas of what life can and could be. I’m talking about the Hollywood stuff here, the material world, of Mansions, swimming pools, private jets, MTV cribs, glorious, rock n roll, you know the things you see on TV growing up in the 90s and 00s.

These days it’s all on our smart phones on Instagram, facebook and all rest of those social media apps.

For me as a kid that was the dream I clinged onto, that was my fantasy that kept me alive, kept me going whilst living with 8 family members in a 3 bedroom maisonette in south London.

Now I know for many of us, seeing those picture perfect snap shots of filtered life on social media can make the dream become a nightmare of constant comparison. Who’s life is better, who’s having more fun. What if we didn’t compare ourselves to influencers and celebrities on the internet and remember the we are all just having a life experience and no one is better.

What sparked this conversation for me was the images of seemingly ‘perfect’ relationships and couples, as I move forward from a recent end of a romantic relationship. I thought, I wish I could have that too, I wish it worked out for me and so on.

Completely taking me out of gratitude of amicable break up (weird but possible I know right) and that I did have a wonderful experience with this person for a time. Like everything in life changes occur, which meant it was time to move forward, and it did not mean I wasn’t good enough.

In those wonderful moments in life where you fully in the moment, present and dancing with every molecule of energy, space and possibility, do you remember to take your phone out and take a picture? Maybe, sometimes I do, but in truth many times I take out the phone with a thought that runs something like this “this will look great on my social media, I look like I’m doing this that, I’m so fucking cool, I’ll get lots of likes, Oh no what if I don’t get any likes for this, it’s fine I’ll just delete, blah blah blah.” sound familiar to you?

I’m just being honest now.

No-one is perfect or has a perfect life, perhaps there are perfect moments, and what joy is available when we are present in those moments with people who are there experiencing it with us?

So I’m at the end of a relationship, some may call it a whirlwind romance of sorts, the ones like in movies, unexpected, adventurous, fantasy like. Expect I’m not the same girl as I was when I was living off the MTV dreams in south London as a kid, I'm an adult now eek, although I still love advetures and movie moments in life.

Nothing was particularly right or wrong about the relationship just an interesting experiencing with a slightly older man than I in an Oast ( see picture for what an oast is incase you didn’t know, I didn’t until I lived in one for a while) on a farm in the English countryside.

What I started to realise was I was holding on to dream of a ‘perfect relationship story’ on the outside that was not actually true for me.

Maybe you’re going through a break up now and are missing that person or what you had, what if that’s ok even if you might just be missing the idea of it?

The funny thing is, nothing is broken. I am not broken, you’re not broken. It’s just change, and what if it could be ease filled?

I know a lot of the time when we talk to friends and family or they know what is going on in our life the start projecting their opinion on us.

A little something like this; “Oh’ you poor thing, are you ok, that must be horrible, It’s hard isn’ it? you’re going through so much”.

For me that's not my reality it’s just change. It’s just one wonderful adventure with some crappy moments too coming to an end. I’m not ending or breaking and neither are they.

What if it was the perfect thing at the perfect time.

What if we acknowledge the gift we were are for each other with no need to hold on and or fight for or against each other?

Yes maybe there are moments you may feel a bit sad when a happy memory pops up, or angry or joyful, just let the pass for that is the adventure of living and being.

If you have had a relationship come to end what if you could be grateful for it all the good and bad.

You are not broken just because you have broken up, You are lovable, You are wonderful! So take a deep breathe and get ready for the next adventure with you!

Choose to move forward and make some new choices for your own happiness. What else is possible now?

With Love

Randa