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Reinvention

A Self Intervention

By Big DreamsPublished 7 months ago 3 min read
1
Reinvention
Photo by Matthieu Comoy on Unsplash

I am moving out.

I don't know if it is temporary or permanent. I will figure that out later. I will be staying with my sister, sleeping on her couch. She has an extra room, but I prefer the couch, and sometimes her kids come to stay and would prefer the extra privacy of a room.

I won't have any of my things, just a backpack and one bag for my notebooks, computer, clothing and a couple of personal items. And my Bible.

I'm not bringing any of my art things except for one or two drawing pads and some pencils. I could really use some time practicing my drawing skills anyway.

There really isn't much room for anything else. My whole life reduced to two bags.

It didn't have to be this way. It's not completely my fault, although I am the common denominator to my problems. I am changing, and no one is willing to accept that or deal with it or help me.

So I'm going my own way. I will be saving up my money for a place for myself when I am able to move back to the area. I will miss my dog and my kids.I will be close enough to visit once a month or so. My youngest is nearly an adult, these aren't small children. They will be fine without me.

My dog is going to have a hard time at first, but he is very well taken care of and loved by everyone in the household. He will be fine after a week or two. If there was any way to stay, I would.

My boyfriend simply won't understand that I am completely serious about not having a space of my own, and his refusal to even entertain any of my suggestions is why I'm leaving. Everything I've suggested has a reason that it won't work. For him.

He has the life he wants, his American dream. His refusal to budge in any way for me is my determining factor. It's the deal breaker. He will be forced to reconsider and make a compromise or stand his ground. That's his decision. I may not want to come back even if he chooses to reconsider down the road. He may be the one to want me to stay gone for good.

There's no predicting the future.

I do know my future won't include living in a way that makes me miserable. Living on my sister's couch is preferable to my current situation. I will build everything up for myself. I will begin again, but this time, I will be living in a way I can be free and happy. Not depending on other people. Even though I have to for now.

But I will not be living in constant resentment and bitterness.

I will save my money, and make as much as I can as humanly possible. I will buy a small property, where my dog can be with me, where I can have an indoor and outdoor studio.

If I have to live alone, that is fine. I don't mind my own company. I am alone here now anyway. I have been alone for a long time.

I can not take the disrespect, the attitude that I do not matter. That I am only good for cooking and cleaning. That is not the life I want. It's not the life I'm going to lead from now on.

No one listens to me. No one takes me seriously. No one wants to listen to me or how or what I think.

I have accepted this, I know I am alone here. I'm not OK with it, but there's no cure for it either.

breakups
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About the Creator

Big Dreams

Writer and artist who loves dogs, beaches, coffee and solitude

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  • Test4 months ago

    That was exceptionally well written. I was thoroughly impressed and enjoyed it immensely.

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