Redefining forever

Relationships are the foundation of how we build our lives. It shapes our identity and becomes that norm or familiarity in our day to day lives that we often live for. Not just in platonic relationships but with the intimate/romantic relationships we develop with a significant other. We tend to lose ourselves into these relationships because we are so caught up in the possibilities of what could be instead of taking the treasured time needed to learn who someone is in the now. In doing so we can then decide if that person is the right person we want to go into this ultimate business/relationship with. I once read that relationships should be conducted more like a business rather than the fairy-tales we grew up watching. I must say this was the most logical method I’ve have indulged upon thus far about marriages or serious relationship. As for the lack there of; of this method, relationships tend to crash and burn leaving one or both persons to fell destroyed as if a tornado just touched down in their lives.

Why does this happen? There’s a disconnect which causes a relationship to end. I am no expert, but I have had my fair share of long-term relations that has caused me to reflect on what went wrong and how I or we could have done better to make the relationship last. I must say also that some relationships do end because of the lack there is of communication or the simple fact that people grow apart. There is no guarantee that any relationship you go into will last a long time or what we love to define as forever. Forever for me is a very long damn time. Especially when people are growing and on a path of their own self-discovery their whole lives every single day.

So, when relationship end it may seem like your world is ending. That chest tightening feeling where your stomach is always in your chest and you spend nights crying. The moments where you replay every possible scenario in your head trying to figure out what went wrong. That feeling of wasting so much time, energy and money into someone and all the plans and goals you were going to accomplish is no more. Finished! Almost like you lost a love one and will never seem them again. Especially when that love was genuine, and the norm becomes obsolete. You’re left feeling empty, broken and rejected. Your self-worth diminishes and you feel as though you are not worthy of love. Those million and one questions you ask yourself and try to figure out what went wrong and at times are willing to try any possible way to fix what was broken, but in all actuality you really can’t and there is nothing you can say or do to fix what you may think was broken. All you can do is to let it go!

Well what can you do? I’ve heard the that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but that may not necessary work. Therefore, the only thing that will help you is time. Time heals all wounds and it’s what you do with the time that heals those wounds. The process of healing can be long and hard, but time always seem to heal the wound. Time always make the memories fade and are only brought to our active memory at random unexpected times. We then begin smile at the good times and eventually see the lessons learned. You can go from being angry, filled with hate and/or no self-worth to finally being able to be open to love again. The why to that is because we are humans. We are born with so much love in our hearts that the world at times tries to diminish, but when time passes, and we heal. We learn to love ourselves again and that love that we can give ourselves we are then able to give to someone else.

Life has funny way of teaching us lessons that are necessary for our own good. It has a way of changing our directions that we feel we have so much control over, when the truth is, we are not in control. The universe or a higher power is in control because our entire lives is already planned out for us and when we try to fix things and fail, we wonder why things are not going our way. We wonder why these relationships fail.

We may feel broken, but we are not destroyed. I have learnt how to redefine forever. By now we all know nothing last forever, so in the space and time that we get/or choose to love someone we should do so wholeheartedly like the song says, "I’m gonna love you, like I’m gonna lose you" and you appreciate that person for the moment that they are in your life. You will enjoy all the memories that they give you, but when it's over...just learn to let go.