PSA for Quality Sleep

Herbert — a rare blue-haired monster — was gasping for breath as he entered the coffee shop. He had run the last couple of blocks, fearing he would be late for his 9:00 am meeting with Thomas the Troll. Herbert considered being late, rude, fortunately he had made it with thirty seconds to spare. Thomas, who had no such concerns, had yet to arrive.

A young college aged woman came over to take Herbert’s order.

Herbert smiled and said, “How are you doing? I hope you’re having a nice day.”

Herbert was always complementing people and telling them to, ‘have a nice day’. For a human, this may not be a problem, but for a monster — who makes their living off scaring people — it was a huge issue. Herbert placed his order, lowered his head and a frown washed across his face. When he had ordered, he had been very polite. Why couldn’t he be like other monsters and growled his order, he should have said ‘Bring me coffee with cream, and it better not be cold’, instead he said, “Can I please have a cup of coffee, with some cream, thank you so much.”

The waitress, seeing Herbert was sad, gave him a big hug. It made Herbert feel better, and a smile returned to his face.

The door of the coffee shop swung wide open. The tables shook slightly as heavy footsteps headed for Herbert’s table. Thomas the Troll had arrived, late as usual. He gave the waitress a snare and said, “Coffee black, and don’t take all day,” he then put the club he was carrying down on the table with a thud.

Herbert was in awe. He wished he could be as mean and nasty as Thomas. Not only did Thomas scare everyone in the coffee shop, but he also smelled like three-day-old fish. A far cry from the sweet lavender scent Herbert gave off.

“Thomas, thank you so much for helping me do this PSA.”

“Yeah, well, it’s court ordered. It was this or thirty days in the county jail. What is a PSA anyway?”

“Public Service Announcement. It seems humans are not getting enough sleep. We need to make a TV commercial encouraging them to make a New Year’s resolution, to take better care of themselves and develop healthy habits that promote better sleep.”

“Sounds like a lot of trouble. Tell you what, I’ll take my club, and BAM! A whack on the back of the head. They will be out a good eight hours.”

“Thomas, that will end you right back in jail. You know what the judge said. You have to control your anger.”

“I would do that just for fun. No anger involved.”

“Can we do it my way? First, we must encourage people to get more exercise, that promotes better sleep.”

“I got you. Something like this?” Thomas picked up his club and glared at the table of three businessmen sitting next to them. He got up, took his club, and slammed it on the table they were sitting at. The three businessmen dropped their coffee and ran out the door.

“There you go plenty of exercise. What next?” Thomas asked. “This is actually kind of fun.”

Herbert shook his head. “Let’s move on. A good diet is important. They should not eat too late in the evening, and no caffeine or alcohol right before bed.”

“Whoa, my big hairy friend. I’m with you on scaring the crap out of people and making them run. But when I drink, I often fall asleep.”

“It’s also about the quality of sleep. Alcohol impacts your ability to get a good deep sleep. You don’t have to cut it out completely, just be aware that the closer to bedtime, the more it will affect your sleep.”

“What next?” Thomas asked.

“A high-quality mattress and bedding will make sure you are comfortable and lead to a restful night.”

“Ok, now you are just trying to sell me stuff.”

“Of course, I am. You spend 1/3 of your life in bed. Think of everything you spend money on. Doesn’t it make sense to invest in something that will not only make you more comfortable but also make you feel better the next day?”

“You know, you can do more than sleep on one of those beds. Me and the mistress the other night, well let’s just say, she had put on this tiger print —”

“TMI, I don’t want to hear about your extracurricular activities.”

“Fine, your lost. Come on, let’s make this PSA and get it over with.”

Herbert and Thomas headed to the TV studio. On the way over, Herbert was all smiles. He was waving at everyone he saw and telling them to have a nice day. Thomas followed, dragging his club, and grumbling.

At the studio, the director yelled action.

“Hi, I’m Herbert the Monster.”

“And I’m Thomas the Troll.”

Then they said together, “We are here to encourage you to treat yourself right and resolve to get deep and restful sleep every night.”

Herbert warned about how not getting enough sleep put you at higher risk of diabetes, cardiovascular disease, depression, and weight gain. Each time Herbert mentioned a medical condition, Thomas pounded his club into his hand and looked menacing into the camera. Herbert tried to get him to tune it down, but trolls can’t help being who they are.

Herbert then described how having healthy habits, like taking regular walks, not only help with sleeping, but had so many other benefits.

Thomas mentioned he was going to get one of those high-quality mattresses, along with all the bedding needed for a comfortable relaxing sleep. He mentioned he and the Mrs. were looking forward to it and winked into the camera.

They put up a link to the CDC website https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/index.html. The site is full of information people could use to improve their lifestyle and get a restful, relaxing sleep.

Thomas, now looking forward to the high-quality mattress he had invested in, posted a link to the company’s website. https://lull.com/

Herbert, having met so many wonderful friends, posted a link to his life story. Monster Pears.

They both looked into the camera and said, “Resolve to treat yourself right and have a wonderful New Year.”

The director yelled, “Cut.”