Polywhooodewhate? Most people have heard some form of this and automatically think bigamy off the bat, or " well that will never fly around here" But it has flown, in pretty good numbers across the United States. In rural areas and in big cities, people are ..well loving people. The concept is not new, flower children of the 1960's unite! The poly movement has been gaining steam in the last few years.
First , one must understand that people interchange polygamy and polyamory, which is not the same thing at all. Polygamy is usually one male with two or more wives. This is currently illegal. Polyamory is a sexual ethical non-monogamy, that has all same sexed partners or different sexed partners In fact, 50% of people in one survey stated they were bisexual. Sexual ethical non-monogamy means that the parties know about it and are fine with it. There are many ways to explore this. There is often a married couple whom wants to add a partner. Sometimes there are physical limits in one person in a relationship that effects the other partner, in the bedroom, or in other things. Sometimes there are unique situations that arise. For example, there is a couple in whom the husband is very active and hikes and bikes. His wife recently had a orthopedic issue and even with treatment and replacement, it was painful to do activities and have sex. They both decided that bringing on a partner would be the way to go. They put down some rules, being in a open relationship, how to handle any jealousy, and weather this person would live with them, or not. This turned from a getting needs met situation to a polyamorous situation,as they both ended up falling in love with the woman, she met the needs of the wife for emotional support and friends, and the needs of the husband. It was a win-win.
No matter how many people make up this group, all parties are in it to build relationships. It is not about sex, well it not only about sex. It is about those connections for our hearts and minds. According to The advocate, there are anywhere from 1.2 to 2.4 million people who practice polyamory in the United States alone. They come in all ages, races, and shapes and sizes, and genders.
Dr. Anapol, who wrote a book " Love without Limits" way back in 1992, emphasizes that it is not for everyone, and there are some things gained from this. Firstly, monogamy has been shown to be no better in relationship longevity, happiness, physical health or emotional health. Secondly, people worry about children when it comes to the parents in these relationships, worry not. The children are no different than in monogamous relationships in terms of health and achievement.
Back in the day, a woman married because that was what was expected. She stayed married because her husband could give her what she and the children needed, in life and after death. Remember, back then women could not inherit land or houses. Now, women go to work, men may stay home, it is all about a equal playing field. Monogamy had its uses for its time, but women were kind of at the mercy of men. When we think of adultery, we think of lies, hiding things, and scandal. Our parents always said honesty was the best policy, but they don't believe it, or else they would be promoting this instead of saying its wrong. Isn't it much better to have things out in the open , truthful, and know where everything lays, then be full of pretense and excuses?
Is monogamy becoming a thing of the past? Not likely, for many people still believe in monogamy, but it is not for everyone. You still have to choose what feels right to you. No one magic relationship way has all the answers, communication is always key in all relationships. The idea is that there are other means, you are not trapped or pinned to one thing and education is important to look at all the different ways to happiness for you and others.