Our Interfaith Relationship Is Progressing in Opposite Directions, One Line at a Time

I found my soulmate, and now I am walking away from him.

Over a year ago, I met a guy. He was tall, handsome, funny, sensitive — everything I wanted in a future partner except for one glaring difference. He is a Muslim, and I am a Hindu. And in a country like India, where culture and religion are revered above all, a union like ours cannot happen without a considerable amount of backlash and opposition.

So, with a heart full of love and grief, we are taking steps to become strangers once again.

Why not fight for it if we love each other so much?

We have pondered on this question for many months — alone and together. The only answer we have come up with is that we would be unhappy.

Sure, we could fight with our families and get married against their wishes. Inter-religious marriages happen here all the time. But it’s almost certain by the time we get there, we would be exhausted. The fighting, the familial drama, the power struggle, the dynamics….. In India, marriage is never about two individuals. It is always about two families.

The man and woman are mere puppets, pushed and shoved around at the whims of everyone else’s opinions. A love marriage or even society’s preferred arranged marriage is not safe from these shenanigans.

Knowing what would ensue if we took the step has kept us from doing so.

Love cannot compete with deep-rooted societal conditioning — even if we like to believe it can conquer all.

Watching us slowly turn into strangers pains me.

When something exciting happens, my first thought is to tell him. But I have to stop myself. Not because I can’t, but because we are drawing lines. I am trying to change my mind’s default setting. I swallow the words and talk to my bedroom wall instead. The silence is stifling.

When I read poetry online, I want to share it with him. The words describe what my heart wants to tell him. But I don't, because we are drawing lines. Sharing romantic ballads will not help us move away from each other.

From lovers, to friends, to strangers — that is our game plan. One we have followed well for the past few weeks.

But some days we slip.

On some days, there is nothing that can ease the pain as each other’s presence. I complain it’s harder than I thought it would be. Who knew? I jokingly call it conscious uncoupling. It’s a term I read on the internet. I don’t fully understand what it means. But it sounds like a fancy term for a breakup. Maybe giving it a sophisticated name will lessen the pain.

But it does nothing.

The days we fail to draw the line are my favorite.

We reach back after a few days of distracting ourselves with everything else we can find. We get back with passion and intimacy bursting at the seams. They fight to take over when we update each other on every little thing that happened over the time we spent apart. Some days we succeed. Some days the feelings win. And I have to remind myself that’s okay.

The next line will be stronger.

We once shattered the walls we placed around our hearts. Now we are slowly building them back up.

There is no hurt, anger, hate, or resentment between us to help us do it. In all my breakups, I had the tools to move on. Right now, I feel like a child asked to solve a problem without a question. How do I do this? Is it possible to build walls with love?

Yes, it is. I have learned that now.

If you are really in love, you would choose each other, some people tell me.

It is because we love each other we are choosing ourselves instead; I remind them.

Having different beliefs has never been an issue between us. We respect our differences — it makes us who we are. But we cannot turn a blind eye to outside influences that will make a life together difficult.

We do not want a future filled with pain, sorrow, and broken relationships. Like I said earlier, love does not conquer all. Sometimes, you have to accept that you were meant to meet, but not stay together. The love doesn't leave just because it wasn’t forever.

Believe something is out there for you — maybe it’s them or it’s someone else. But it is out there, and you will find it someday.

If you truly loved someone, cherish the memories and the joy they gave you. Cherish the lessons learned and the growth involved. Embrace the perspectives they shared and the things they taught you.

Maybe they came to expand your mind or to teach you self-love. Find the lesson and let it go.

Walking away from someone I love has been the hardest thing I have had to do. But knowing it can lead to a happier future for him provides some solace. Even if I am not a part of that future.

As we build our walls, there is a silent understanding between us. That if we ever needed each other, we would be there, just on the other side.

Today the line is faint. Tomorrow it will be strong again.