Optimistic People Are Sometimes The Saddest Of Them All

We often hear people say that we need to "look on the bright side" or "be optimistic." Being optimistic can definitely "help the heart itself," "reduce the risk of hypertension," reduce the likelihood "to develop viral symptoms," and diminish the probability of heart disease etc. And being pessimistic may hurt your health, career, relationships, confidence and self-esteem. However, I don't want to be either, I don't want to be optimistic or pessimistic. I want to be in the middle or both

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Everyone defines my sister as an optimistic, cheerful and positive person. In her mind, she flips everything from negative to positive. Therefore, many people tell her their disturbances and she immediately feels the urge to encourage them. She also worries about them and always does a check-in with them after a while. However, at the end of the day, a chef flipping pancakes will tire, a builder stacking bricks will fatigue and a leaf on a tree will weary and fall to the ground.

Especially during this pandemic, the hills and mountains in our lives have increased in size and frequency. The energy needed to flatten those hills have consequently increased. Visualising these hardships, she started to fall apart. She didn't want to flatten them anymore, all she wanted to do was hideaway.

That's why once "you're optimistic," these words are said to a person, it instantly labels and categorises them to a section on the shelf. However, this labelling actually locks them in and makes them think they have to show the optimistic side to everyone else. Such that they always have to be optimistic and therefore can't share their thoughts with others. This may then develop into anxiety and depression. 

I think we need both pessimism and optimism to live a balanced life, to live happily in the long-term. Labelling someone as optimistic or pessimistic does nothing but harm. 

Being optimistic about a problem may disappoint you.

Jack Ma, chairman of the Alibaba Group has said, "I failed a key primary school test two times. I failed three times for the middle schools. For three years, I tried and failed in the universities. So I applied for jobs 30 times, got rejected. I went to even KFC when they came to China. 24 people went for the job. 23 people accepted. I was the only one who got rejected. I applied for Harvard, for ten times, rejected. I think we have to get used to rejection. The only thing. Never give up." 

I don't think people definitely fail more than they succeed, nor do they fail before they succeed. However, I certainly believe that failure is a learning opportunity and will certainly come one day. When I said "being optimistic about a problem may disappoint you," I didn't doubt your abilities. I'm not expecting you to fall. 

Instead, I believe that this algorithm will help us if we fail or succeed. 

Optimistic: Vital when enrolling yourself to the challenge + preparing + doing the challenge = You can accept the challenge in the first place which will stretch yourself and enable a chance to learn. Optimism is important during the preparation stage (if there is any) as this will drive you and keep you going, stopping the "I give up" from approaching you. While doing the challenge, optimism will give you hope and also propel you forward. 

Pessimistic: Crucial when revealing the result of the challenge = This change will allow you to not feel as sad, as the higher our expectations, the higher our loss. Yet expectations are essential to powering you to reach higher. But these expectations have to be realistic to not drag you down. 

Our failures may sometimes discourage us, however, we should think of our failures as our enemies. They are the ones who want to yank us down. So don't bow down to your enemy, lift your head high to reach that height.

Everyone, if people have said that you are optimistic, don't turn the key. Don't lock yourself on the shelf. Feel what you want to feel. Be free to feel what you want to feel. Flatten those mountains if you want to, leave them be if it is what you desire. It will eventually be you who will encounter them and take the rocky road up the hill. 

Everyone, if you see an optimistic or pessimistic person, don't say "you're optimistic" or "you're pessimistic" to them. Don't define and set a barrier for them. However, if you've already said it to another person, allow them to speak of their troubles. Set them free to let you be free. Enable them to feel comfortable to take their mask off and be themselves.

This article was originally posted on Medium