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One thing m*n will do, is embarrass you

It’s the audacity for me

By essameyPublished 2 years ago 3 min read

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is not to bash men (unless the shoe fits ), but to call out behavioural patterns that have become normalised - but are rather destructive - to the experience of giving and receiving love from a woman’s perspective (at least from what I’ve observed).

I’m a strong advocate for having and upholding standards. In the absence of standards, boundaries and communicated expectations, you become vulnerable to being taken fi ediat. Unfortunately, men and women alike are selfish by nature and don’t always act out of good intentions. But those at the bottom of the barrel are the ones who try to force a narrative they have no desire to fulfil in the hopes of getting what they want. When a woman leaves a relationship, where it has been negatively perceived, she’s often left with a thought all to common for many:

How the hell did I not realise how this man was really like from the beginning?

Let’s dissect.

Playing the victim.

When you no longer allow a man to take adanvantage of you, you’d be quick to find that they resort to the use of victimisation. The woe-is-me card is drawn to paint the narrative that it was YOU that was incapable of loving and being loved, rather than taking ownership of failing to meet the expectations set out from the beginning. Everything is about them. How you made them feel. How you failed them. How the relationship didn’t last on your accord.

Lies, deceit and manipulation.

One of the top worst things someone can do in a relationship, but often happens, is to act as if they want the exact same things as you, only to coerce you into accepting what they’re only capable to offer - the subpar minimum. Lads, be honest with yourself. If a woman has made it crystal clear the type of man and relationship she wants to be involved in, spare each other the unnecessary heartache and just be honest from the jump.

It is a form of manipulation to promise to meet expectations that you have 0 intentions meeting or being able to deliver. Standards are their for a reason - to filter out the undesired and incompatible.

For once in your life, choose peace. The deceit and dishonesty will eventually show through and it won’t end well. Excercise control and have respect for everyone that crosses your paths.


People show and express love within the capacity they know how to. But what happens when this just isn’t enough? You let the other party know. Stop forcing your warped idea of love and affection on someone else who has clearly known love to be expressed in a different way. Either get with the programme and learn how to love that woman properly, or leave her be. Shalom? Shalom.

Unrealistic expectations.

Stop trying to force a set of unrealistic expectations, especially on someone who is not interested in meeting them. Look outside of your selfish pursuits and see how you can reach a middle ground with each other. If both parties aren’t willing to meet a middle ground, keep it cute and civil and bid your farewells.

Lack of accountability.

Learn how to take ownership of your wrong doings. Own up to your silly mistakes and where you fell short. Have sharp irons around you to speak to and confide in. Stop blaming your love interest for only ever wanting to protect and shield herself from all of the above. People who only ever speak ill of their exes tend to share a lot of these red flags ☕️

Before your pursue your next victim love interest, stop to think. Really look inwards and reflect - have I ever been a perpetrator of these folly acts?

If no: go forth and be great.

If yes: spare another innocent and naive woman from a couple months of insecurity, hurt and disrespect.



About the Creator


A self-help guide for people who understand Black Twitter references.

Navigating love, relationships, faith & lifestyle.

IG: es_journal

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