Odd Obsession

Kids crack me up, and the kiddos in before care are no exception. They're full of imagination and are the embodiment of the unexpected. The before care children have a strange obsession and constantly embark on the quest to create a girlfriend for my coworker. This has been an ongoing process the entire school year.

It started off mainly with the kids creating pictures of what they imagined his girlfriend would look like. Generally, they would make the “girlfriend” around his age, usually between 25 and 30 years old. Every now and then they would throw a curveball and create absurd “girlfriends” for him, including one that was quite ancient. At one point he had fairy girlfriends, and other days the kids gave him a Barbie doll girlfriend.

A couple months ago one of the girls decided to create a trio of potential girlfriends for him to choose from. These weren’t your everyday girls. No, these were superheroes. The second grader, determined for my coworker to pick one, gave a hard sell, explaining each of their powers. She advocated how these were the best choices for them because not only would he have a girlfriend but that they would be able to fly him around, rendering driving a car obsolete.

Their attempts are quite humorous, and my coworker is good-natured about it all, doing his best to humor them without it getting too strange. The kids are definitely a force to be reckoned with. They can sneak up with abrupt, unexpected plans to get him a girlfriend.

One of my favorite examples came from a story my coworker shared from after care—the kids in the afternoon seem to share this same odd obsession. The kids were immersed in crafts, calmly creating amongst themselves. Before one the girl’s left, she declared she had a present for him. Since it was Valentine’s Day, she didn’t want him to be alone, so she made him a new girlfriend out of pipe cleaners. The real kicker? She decided that the girlfriend was pregnant and made sure he knew it. I burst out laughing when I heard the tale.

Two weeks ago the kids upped the ante. They have been creating posters, one of their favorites being the one that advertised the books full of Pokémon drawings they made. Unsurprisingly, they decided to create him yet another girlfriend, although, this time she was made out of blue poster board.

The group declared her a princess and then proceeded to kidnap her and hold her hostage, demanding that my coworker rescue his new girlfriend. As the “girlfriend” sat tied up to a chair with a jump rope, he attempted to save her, but his efforts were foiled. The kids then restricted him using a jump rope, hoping to bind him in place. While the intent was clever, the execution left much to be desired because as soon as he stood up the jump rope fell right off.

Despite being free, the princess girlfriend was still in perilous danger; one of the girls proclaimed herself to be Bowser and enlisted a handful of kids to act as her minions, hauling the princess off to their “castle” on the playground. The princess remained chained to the chair as they threatened to toss her into shark-infested waters. Considering they later tossed her into a puddle, that was likely their version of shark-infested waters and having her swim with the fishes.

Last week continued the trend, but they were determined not to be upstaged by the previous week’s exploits. This time around they created another new girlfriend on poster board. They were quite excited about their latest project.

When they made their announcement, my coworker remarked, "As long as it's not another princess. They're too high maintenance--always needing to be rescued. I can't keep up with it, and I can't go through that again."

A mere “girlfriend” wasn’t good enough this time around, though, so the kids decided to create him a bride. They got so invested in the wedding, enlisting everyone's help. The wedding had quite the guestlist; one of the girls drew Ladybug and Cat Noir from Miraculous, so they could attend the wedding, too. They made fliers and announcements about the wedding—the fifth grader's poster cracked me up; she wrote that the girlfriend was made from paper and that my coworker was "real life."

They took the celebration quite seriously. Kids started handing out tickets to the event, and the cafeteria was a flurry of activity and excitement. Some of them acted as security, ensuring that only those with tickets were allowed in; they even created a gate to block entrance until tickets were turned in and to prevent riffraff from crashing the party.

They held the wedding outside and ensured my coworker showed up. He decided to humor them, and he pretended to kiss the paper girlfriend for them. As soon as he did, the kids started screaming and running away. It was pretty humorous, especially when one of the fourth graders came up to me, remarking, "Well, the wedding got ruined. Everyone ran away, screaming. So much for that wedding." The after-wedding celebration turned out to be a dance party in the rain because it started drizzling. It didn’t dampen their spirits, though, because they had a blast.

Every morning is an adventure with these kids. They are boundless energy and enthusiasm, always willing to tap into their imaginations and surprise you. You never know what to expect, yet it's great to see them having fun with their creativity. Plus, there are endless hilarious stories that result from the experience. There’s never a dull moment, and I’m curious what stunt they’ll pull off next.