No Really...You Shouldn't Have

"I WISH YOU WOULD SEE ME, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE MEEEEE?" Nancy screamed as she began to sob into her hands, all she wanted was for Michael to acknowledge her existence.

He had already left the house after he caused yet another mental breakdown for her and that went on for what seemed like an hour...why couldn't he just love her? what did she do to deserve his disdain? She could not understand why he lied to her and why she kept believing his lies, "I love you more than anything", "you're the love of my life Nance, you know that right?", "you know you're the only one baby". He was always so convincing...so good at lying that it would always take her to a whole new low when she would catch him, and he would always bring her some wonderful little gift that you could tell he actually took the time to look for, and she would fall back into his arms, and his bed. She would also say, "No really...you shouldn't have honey, I am sorry I was wrong" she would always say and he would dote on her and they would have an incredible love session...and she would let it go...again.

It never lasted long though, he could be great for a few weeks, then it would all come crashing down again, she couldn't understand what she kept doing wrong. It seemed the harder she tried, the meaner and crueler he would become, then he would turn sweet again for a while. This had been going on for the last 5 out of 7 years, and she was always left wondering what she did wrong, and he was great at making her feel like she was completely crazy at times. He was always texting someone, and she would look over at him and catch him smiling that "flirty" smile that he would give her sometimes.

She looked up with a smirk and asked, "who ya talkin' to babe?" he looked up at her and the smile faded as he said "nobody", so she responded "well, for it being nobody, you sure are smiling a lot" as she giggled when she said it, he immediately got upset and said "don't worry about it!" then he got up and walked away. Again, she just sat there wondering what just happened? As usual she would chase him into whatever room he walked into, and apologize, for what? she never knew.

This relationship was a rollercoaster ride she had just gotten used to, because she knew that nobody would ever love her like he did, and she didn't want to start trying to date someone new. She also loved him very much and didn't want to lose him. She worked so hard to make him happy because she wanted to be perfect for him, but she just could never do anything right, and nomatter how hard she tried, or how perfect she thought what she did was, it somehow was always wrong. She had decided to surprise him with all his favorite foods for dinner one evening, and when he got home, he was already irritated so all he did was tell her how the steak was overcooked, the potatoes were flavorless, and the salad was boring, as a matter of fact, the only thing he liked were the store-bought rolls, and she spent an hour apologizing to him and begging him for forgiveness, which ended up with her giving him a blowjob to finally make him happy. She could remember crying herself to sleep that night, then the next day he acted like nothing happened, and requested the same dinner the next night and loved it. She just knew that with enough love and time they would be great, so she kept doing things she thought would make him love her, constantly trying to please him.

Today he brought her a gorgeous bouquet of roses, and said "I love you baby, you're my everything you know that right?", she said again "oh babe, you shouldn't have", he snapped back "I know I shouldn't have, dammit woman! can't you just be happy with it?" and he walked away, leaving her feeling like the asshole as usual. She started to feel like she was losing her mind because she would say something fairly innocent, and he would always take her words, twist them to his advantage, and make her doubt herself. In the same breath, he would tell her how smart she was, and if she put herself down, he would get upset with her and say things like "hey! don't talk about my woman like that, she's a smart, beautiful person", and then right after all that he says "what the hell is wrong with you, are you stupid?"

What is a girl to do? try harder! after all he worked so many long hours to make a home for them most days, he didn't get home until late into the evening, and he would be so exhausted he would eat dinner and go straight to bed, only to do it all over again day after day. He spent a lot of time at work, to see that she was able to stay home and take care of things, so she decided right then that she was going to work really hard to make him the happiest man ever! She would start right away by making sure that she spent more time being there for him, she would give up all the things she loved and focus on his needs. She gave up her friends, because he told her that she was never around when he needed her, she gave up school to be at home more, but she often felt like she was always just sitting at home waiting for him. He worked odd hours, so he was often away, and when he was home all he wanted to do was sit in silence while texting, or watch shows he liked that she was not really interested in, and he would sit for hours and talk about dreams he had for "his" future. She began feeling less and less included in his plans for "his" future, then one day she asked, "Am I part of this grand future you have planned? because all I hear is "your" plans for "your" future." and he immediately replied "there you go with "your" feelings again! ya know, sometimes you're the most selfish person".

He was right, how dare she question him, what kind of selfish person does that? After all he was working toward their future together, so what if he didn't always say that, she knew what he meant right? She went on with her day alone at home taking care of the household chores, making him dinner, and waiting for him to come home so she could greet him with excitement.

Then her sister Jan called her one day and asked if Michael was working? She said "yes, why?", her sister Jan replied "I swear he is here at Michelini's Restaurant with a woman, and he is not acting like he is in a relationship", Nancy's face fell, "are you sure it's him?" her sister replied "well, if it isn't then Michael has a twin" Nancy said, "can you get a picture on your phone and send it to me?" Jan replied "oh! yes I can, give me a sec... ok, I sent it to you". Nancy waited and her stomach was in knots, as the picture downloaded onto her phone, then it opened up and sure enough, there he was in the restaurant with a woman, and they were kissing. Nancy just sat there staring at it and she could feel her eyes begin to well up and her heart break, she said to her sister with a crack in her voice that made it fairly obvious she was crying, "Thanks, Jan, for letting me know, you're such a good sister" Jan asked Nancy, "oh hon, I am so sorry...what are you going to do? you can't let him get away with this blatant disrespect!" Nancy said with a heavy voice "I don't know yet sis, just don't let him see you, I am not ready to deal with it yet, and DON'T TELL MOM! ok?" Jan said "ok, but let me know if you need help, I would love to fry his cheating ass!"

Nancy sat there for the next two hours distraught, trying to figure out what to do, she knew she had to confront him about this. Then her fear started to take over...how would she live? she depended on him for everything! She hadn't worked in 5 years, so getting a job would be tricky. Maybe he was just talking to a friend and the kiss wasn't what it looked like...he wouldn't cheat right? After all he was always giving her beautiful gifts, telling her how much he loved her, and doting on her all the time! Well, that settled it, she was just going to ask him straight up and she was sure he would give her an answer that made sense! She has never had a reason not to trust him...or at least he has never done anything to make her think he would.

He finally got home 4 hours after she talked to her sister, he seemed really happy and excited, he brought her a beautiful flower arrangement, her third one this week, and was just dancing all over the house! She hadn't seen him this happy in so long, that she didn't want to ruin it...so she decided not to say anything quite yet, she was sure it was nothing. She served dinner and then listened to him talk through dinner about some of the work he was doing, and she really didn't have anything exciting to talk about so the conversation most always was focused on his day. So, she asked, "so did something happen today?", he immediately became defensive and with a grimaced face said "why? did you hear something?" she replied, "no... I was referring to your great mood", he snapped back at her "Jesus Christ! Can't I just be in a good mood without you questioning my every move? why do you always try so hard to make a mountain out of a molehill?" Nancy realized that he was being awfully defensive, but why? did he have something to hide? so she approached the situation as carefully as she could, but she had to know who the woman was, and why he was with her, so she said, "Actually, my sister saw you at Michelini's today, and you weren't alone" she pulled up the picture on her phone and showed it to him, to which he immediately flew into a rage! "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, HAVING ME SPIED ON?" then he grabbed her phone and threw it against the wall smashing it into pieces! "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY LOYALTY!" she immediately began to do what she does best, it was just instinct to try to calm him down, so she started to apologize for accusing him...and then she stopped! She stood there looking at him, and said "why are you flipping out? if it was an innocent encounter then just tell me that and I will believe you", why she said that when she knew that was a lie, she didn't know...it just flew out of her mouth! He stopped, looked at her and said..."ok, it was completely innocent, there was nothing going on, she is a co-worker and we often go to lunch and bounce ideas off each other" she replied "ok, but why were you kissing her?" he got up close to her face and said "I wasn't kissing her, it was just the angle of the picture, I was simply whispering something in her ear that was top secret". She stood there in disbelief that he could seriously think she was so stupid that she would believe his lies, when the picture showed them kissing, their lips were definitely connected in the picture, and he was either in complete denial or he really thought she was that gullible!

She decided to just walk away and let it go for tonight. She was always the one walking away from the fights, because he could become very volatile and he got to the point of terrifying sometimes, although he had never hit her, she never knew what he would do when he was like that.

She woke up the next morning to hearing someone talking...so she got out of bed and looked at the bathroom door to see it closed and the light on. She walked over and listened to see if he was in there before she went to the bathroom, "I don't know how she got a picture of us or who took it and sent it to her, but we have to be a lot more careful in the future" she heard a male voice saying in almost a whisper. She turned the door handle to find it was locked, so she knocked. He flings the door open and says "Good morning sweetheart" with a huge smile on his face as he plants a passionate kiss on her. The look on her face must have told a story because he immediately asked "what?" she said "who were you talking to?" his reply was "my co-worker that I am apparently having an affair with", then he smiled and walked to the closet to get dressed, she spun around and said "I heard you telling her that you need to be more careful...careful of what?", he turns and looks at her, "I told her that I needed to be more careful because we never knew who might be watching and misconstruing our conduct, and I explained the situation to her about your being upset last night thinking we were kissing, for which we both got a great laugh about, that's all". She said "I see, so you let her know that I know about you two? well isn't that just fabulous!...Michael, how stupid do I look to you?" He turned around and gave her a look that if they could kill, she would have died on the spot! "You know what Nanc, go to hell, I do not think your stupid, but your sister is lying to you about me and Linda" she stood there in disbelief, "why would my sister lie to me about what she saw, and then she still has the- well anyway, you were definitely kissing her, I saw it, and it certainly didn't look like you whispering in her ear...your lips were pressed against each other!", "Your crazy, that is not what we were doing!" he snapped, "Really?" she snapped right back, "you know what Michael, your full of shit, and I don't belie-" suddenly she couldn't breathe...it happened so fast, he flew across the room and had her by the throat in an instant! Covering her mouth, telling her "Shut your fucking mouth you stupid bitch...you are NOT doing this to me, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I am going to let go of your mouth now, if you scream, I will make sure you have a good reason too, understood?" she shook her head to signal a yes answer. He released her and she stood there terrified and in disbelief that he had actually physically assaulted her! She walked over to the couch and sat, thinking about how she could get away from him, because she knew that once this starts it doesn't ever stop. Her last boyfriend was very abusive, so she had been down this road before 12 years prior to Michael and her meeting. The day she left James, he broke her eye socket, nose, and bruised her all over, she swore to herself that would NEVER happen again.

She didn't have any way of calling her sister to help her because he had smashed her phone. He drove the only car they owned, and he owned it, she didn't, he told her that she didn't really need a car, and if she needed anything from the store she could use postmates or ask her sister to give her a ride. At the time that made sense, but now she is beginning to see what is really going on, this is a man in complete and total control! She didn't even have her own money or bank account, he told her that it was just easier to use his account since he made all of the money, so he just got her a card and added her name onto the account so she could use it. He told her she didn't "have" to work because he made more money and that it would be nice to have her home taking care of things while he worked...ya know like a "normal" couple would. She bought into that bunch of hog wash as well, he knew exactly how to manipulate her because he knew she was very badly abused by James...how could she be so vulnerable and stupid? He got complete and total control piece by piece, and she didn't even see it coming...what was she going to do now, she couldn't make a move without him knowing about it, everything was connected to him! He activated the GPS tracker so he could watch where she went and who she talked to, so how could she get a message out to her sister?

She didn't sleep much that night, she wracked her brain about how to get a hold of her sister! She decided to pretend that everything was fine, she knew to keep the peace she would have to apologize and pretend to forget the whole thing, this was going to be a challenge, but for her own safety it was the only way. He had to trust that she believed he wasn't cheating. Then hopefully he would get her a new phone so she could escape.

She got up but found that he was up already, she could smell something cooking as she made her way out to the kitchen, she could hear him talking to someone, and they were answering back...who was it? As she turned the corner, she saw a very attractive brunette sitting at the counter laughing, as she stood there the woman turned around and said "oh hi! you must be Nancy! Michael has told me so much about you, I'm Linda!" Nancy stood there with a blank confused look on her face...what is going on right now? she thought to herself. Then Michael says "I thought you might want to meet Linda face to face, so you can see we are just working together" as he smiled the biggest smile, it was just like when the two of them first met and fell for each other. He hadn't cooked breakfast in years! She decided to play along, "Well, nice to meet you as well Linda" she said with a big fake smile, while underneath she wanted to kill them both.

How dare he bring his mistress to their home! She managed to fake her way through the whole stupid breakfast, watching them flirt back and forth right in front of her...they weren't even trying to hide it! To top it off, they left and she ended up cleaning up the whole stupid mess alone, the least that whore could have done was offer to help clean up but noooo all that was said by Michael was "you got the cleanup babe, we gotta get to work?" no kiss goodbye, they simply got up and giggled their way out the door. She felt like she was in the twilight zone or something.

She had to get the hell out of there TODAY!! As she started to clean up the shit storm he created in the kitchen, she picked up the plates and started to take them to the sink, and all she could feel was rage building in her, so much that she looked around and all the dishes were everywhere...in a million pieces! What just happened? OH GOD! what did she just do? In a moment of a pure rage filled frenzy, she lost it and destroyed all the dishes! How was she going to explain this? Dammit! what the hell was she thinking? Now she really had to get out and quick before he came home to see what she had done! Who knows how he will react? So much for playin' it cool! She had a day to get packed and far enough away that he couldn't find her. but how, they didn't have a land line and she didn't know any of the neighbors? Then she hears a car pull into the driveway, looks out the window and sees Michael coming up the walk.... WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING BACK? SHIT! All she could do was stand there and wait for the worst.

He walked in and looked around at the mess of broken dishes everywhere and said "what happened?", she calmly replied "I just dropped them being clumsy", he looked at her and said "okie dokie then, guess I'll leave you to it" walked over picked up his phone off the counter and started to leave when she stopped him, "I didn't drop them, I purposely broke them" she stated very matter of fact, he asked why, and she told him "I am over you and your lies, if she is what you want, then I won't stop you, but I won't be here when you get home...I'm leaving you!" He reached over, closed the door and told her "Where are you going to go? who is going to want a crackpot like you who flies off the handle every time she doesn't get her way? you know you won't find anyone willing to put up with shit like this" as he pointed out all the broken dishes on the floor, and he continued "Who's going to support you? You haven't worked in so long I doubt you remember what it was like, face it...I am all you have now, so stop with this crap and get this mess cleaned up, I will be home later" as he slammed the door behind him and left. She fell to the floor and began to sob, she spent half an hour just sobbing and allowing herself to finally feel all the pain he had caused her over the years. Then the truth set in, she knew what she had to do. She could feel the heaviness as she pulled herself up off of the floor, she went to the bedroom, packed one small suitcase, dried her eyes, not knowing what her future was, but anyplace was better than the hell she had been living in for the last 5 years. She knew he would never change...and she knew it would be a hard road, but she had to care about herself for once...as she walked out that door for the first and last time.